The Small Back Room Page #6

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but neither am I a kid of 10!

Not 10, Sammy, eight.

Ten is what you are

when you're not cross.

Good Lord! It's 4:00.

Miss! Oh, miss!

Pot of tea for two, miss.

It's ready.

Did you hear Sammy

calling me an advertising agent?

As you were both shouting at the tops

of your voices, I could hardly help it.

Oh, no. He was.

I was calm, cool and good-tempered.

You know, Sue,

I'm a much misunderstood man.

I'm not appreciated.

That's my trouble.

I appreciate you.

Both of you.

That's number one.

Do you want number two?

Number two is Pinker and Waring

are dining together tonight...

at your club.

- But Pinker's backing Brine.

- That's number three.

- Brine will take over the section.

- What? That thug?

Want to bet?

Will you resign if he does?

It hasn't happened yet.

I'm not sure.

Well, I am. You won't.

You'll let all this happen,

and when it has...

you'll see there won't be any section

if you go.

So you'll hang around hating it and

expecting everybody else to be sorry for you.

- Stop grousing.

- I won't!

You've gotta see yourself for once

as Pinker and R.B. See you.

They're just using you!

- Everything all right, sir?

- Yes!

You can't expect me to come in with Pinker

to get Mair out.

- You can't stop them!

- Maybe not, but I needn't exactly help them.

You could run the section yourself.

Even Pinker says so.

But you just won't face things.

You go on being sorry for yourself

with everything in the world to live for.

But what's so special

about only having one foot?

Shut up, you little...

You can't be a professional footballer.

So what?

You think what you're doing

is good and honorable and loyal?

Well, it isn't.

You just haven't got the guts!

- Will you shut up?

- Every word I said is true.

Oh, Sammy, you're such a fool.

Why don't you pull yourself together, Sue?

You're making an ass of yourself.

Why, Mr. Rice!

- Sitting here all by yourself!

- No, Susan's with me.

- But she's gone.

- Right.

There's no good looking at me like that,

Mr. Rice.

We met her leaving,

and she'd been crying.

You can't fool an old campaigner.

Mike, let me have the bill.

Next time you just decide to go home

when we're out together...

I'd be obliged if you'd tell me.

I've been thinking, if you really think

I'm such a poor sap as you said tonight...

we'd better get out of each other's way.

The same thought had occurred to me.

Why can't you get tough

with anyone but me?

Why can't you get tough with Waring?

He gives you cause enough.

You can't quarrel with R.B.

He won't keep it up.

Why should he decide who quarrels?

Why shouldn't you?

I'm no good at rows. I loathe them.

Why?

Well...

Don't you?

Not particularly.

Sometimes I like them.

Look, Sammy. This is it.

You've gotta make up your mind...

whether you're gonna spend the rest of your life

being someone it's just too bad about or not.

Last one, Mr. Rice.

- It's half an hour till closing time.

- Closing time for you right now, Mr. Rice.

What do you mean, Knucksie?

I mean that I like you and Miss Susan

too much to let you get stinking in my bar.

That to Miss Susan...

and that to you, Knucksie.

Two and fourpence.

Your change.

Look here, Mr. Rice.

Take a walk home.

Walk will do you good.

You know,

the trouble with you, Knucksie...

is that you're a sob sitting...

- pint pushing...

- Caution! Caution, my friend. Ladies here.

Publican.

- What is he doing?

- Anyone ever give you a sick ear, Knucksie?

Not without paying cash for it.

You go home.

All right.

- Sir.

- Shut up.

That's just what I will do.

Go home.

And you can keep your gut-rot stuff.

I got my own drink.

- It's home.

- That's right. That's right.

# Knucksie wouldn't give me

another drink #

#Another drink #

# Knucksie wouldn't give me

another drink ##

That's right!

Hmm. My own drink.

# Dum-da-di, dum-dum-da-di #

Sue?

Sue!

Snowball?

My own drink, see?

All mine.

Flowers!

Just a touch.

Well, get out of it!

Get out and stay out.

Woman, you can ring

till you're blue in the face.

Hello? Hello? Riverside 9090?

Hello? Hello?

Riverside 9090?

Is Mr. Rice there?

Captain Stuart calling Mr. Rice.

Hello! Hello!

Riverside 9090. Hello?

Hello. Riverside 9090.

- Huh?

- What?

- Hello?

- Wait a minute.

Speak up. Captain Stuart,

I've got your Riverside number.

Good. Hello, Sammy.

Look, I've got two of them.

Now listen, old man. I have got two of them.

- What?

- One, two.

- I'm at Chesil Bank near...

- I don't know what you're talking about.

You come from Waterloo.

You got it clear?

I'm gonna have a bash at the first one.

You can have a go at the second, if you're lucky.

Now, are you listening, old boy?

Because it's very important.

- I've got two.

- Wait a minute, Stuart.

What? Oh, hurry up.

What is it, Stuart?

You'd better wait till I get there.

Nothing doing.

We can't do a Laurel and Hardy, old boy.

If anything goes haywire on the first bomb, one of

us wants to be left to get a spanner on the second.

Don't be so cocky.

Wait till I get down.

I've got a lot of things to suggest.

Fine. You can try them on number two.

Number one's mine.

After all, I found them.

What are the trains?

5:
30 a. m. You'll have to

get up early, you lazy hound.

See you for breakfast.

Stuart!

Stuart, be careful, for the love of Mike,

and good luck.

Same to you.

I say, hope you won't need it.

- Mr. Rice?

- Yes.

Oh, my name's Pearson, sir. I've got a car here

to take you on to Colonel Strang.

- Back to the beach.

- Has Captain Stuart done anything yet?

Oh, yes.

Rotten business.

I thought you knew, but, of course,

you couldn't. You were on the train.

- Is he dead?

- Oh, yes. Yes, killed instantly.

Apparently they thought he'd done it,

and then something went wrong and it went up.

Mr. Rice, sir.

How are you?

My name's Strang.

All right, Don. Thank you.

Do you know this part of the world?

No.

But you've heard of Chesil Bank,

I suppose.

Yes, I've heard of it.

Now, well, there it is, you see?

The lagoon there's called the Fleet...

and that shallow over there

is Portland Bill.

Are you a fuse expert?

I've done a lot of work

on experimental fuses.

Hmm.

Dick Stuart told me last night that he

arranged with you that he should try it first...

then if anything went wrong,

you should have a go.

- Is that right?

- Yes.

Yeah. He says it's all very fine.

But, you know,

we've got plenty of people here...

chaps like young Don Pearson,

who brought you up...

only too anxious to go out there

and give that thing a few good clouts...

with a hammer and chisel.

Only I don't think it happens to be

that kind of a job.

I've been in on this with Stuart

from the start.

We had a fairly definite plan

mapped out.

If I could have his notes,

I think I'd be all right.

Yes.

But, you see, I'm not worrying about you.

I'm worrying about me.

I let you do it, you go out there

and blow yourself to blazes...

what's your family gonna say, hmm?

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