The Small Back Room Page #5

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Anything I can do?

No, I don't think so.

- Thank you, sir.

- You sure?

Yes.

Uh, quite s-s-sure, sir.

- Well, unless, uh...

- Unless what?

Well, if... if you w-w-wouldn't mind, sir...

if I could get away

a f-few minutes early s-sometimes.

Sh-Sh-Sh-She's all on her own,

you see, sir, and...

if I could...

get away a bit early, sir.

Yes, of course.

I'll tell Sergeant Major Rose.

- Today?

- Oh, n-no, sir.

N- Not on a W... Wednesday, sir.

Sue?

I'm darned if I will.

At the third stroke...

it will be 7:
53 and 10 seconds.

What's the use?

Sammyl

Oh, Sammy.

Thanks for all your help!

Where are you going, Sammy?

I did try to ring up.

There's something wrong with the line.

- Oh, to hell with the line!

- You didn't drink any, did you?

No, I didn't drink any.

I thought we agreed

never to work late on Wednesdays.

But, darling, it's Tuesday.

- Tuesday?

- Tuesday, the 23rd of March.

I ought to know. I've typed it all day.

Taylor said it was Wednesday.

- What day is it?

- Day? Monday.

- But yesterday was Monday.

- Why ask then?

Where were you going, Sammy?

I don't know.

A woman?

Maybe.

How about me?

Gentlemen, I have called this meeting

on the minister's instructions...

to clear up the position

of the Reeve's gun.

- There have been extensive

demonstrations and experiments.

The question is now

what have those experiments shown...

and what are we going to do about it?

That's all I have to say.

Now you talk and I'll listen.

Professor Mair?

The Reeve's gun, Mr. Chairman...

is one of the most promising

developments I've seen...

from some points of view.

But that's only an opinion.

I should like to hear other people

before being dogmatic.

Um, we don't like the Reeve's,

Mr. Chairman.

You don't?

No.

It has a lot of snags

from the user point of view, and, uh...

we don't think it has sufficient

advantages to offset them.

That's an infernal noise going on here.

One could do with a course of lip reading

at these meetings.

Well, of course,

that's just the question.

What is the balance of advantage

and disadvantage?

Mr. Chairman.

It might be of interest to the meeting

to hear the views...

of the National

Scientific Advisory Council...

for which I have the honor

to be chairman.

Please.

The National Scientific Advisory Council...

For which he has the honor to be chairman.

Is the body officially deputed

by the cabinet...

to offer advice

on all major scientific issues.

There are so many overlapping

and uncoordinated research organizations...

it was felt that science should speak

with one authoritative voice.

I need hardly add that our opinion

upon the Reeve's gun...

was not requested

until very late in the day.

Having been requested, however, my colleagues

and I approached this development...

purely as scientists.

As if everyone else had approached it

as income tax inspectors.

A select committee was formed,

and every facility was afforded us.

- Our conclusion was that,

scientifically speaking...

It was not a sound conception.

Not at all a sound conception.

In fact, I go further...

and say that no scientist

could possibly feel happy...

about many of the principles involved.

I'm interested to hear that, Mr. Chairman...

because from our unscientific point of view,

that's what we thought.

Just what scientific principles

do you think are unsound?

We're talking about

different sorts of principles.

We didn't like it

because it had user snags.

Yes.

Perhaps Mr. Brine could tell us who were

his colleagues on this select committee.

Professor Charn, Dr. Golder

and Dr. Peace.

One crystallographer...

one vital statistician...

one embryologist and, uh...

Dr. Brine is, of course, one of the best-known

organic chemists in the kingdom.

Good. Now we know where we are.

No love lost between these back room boys.

By the way, your committee did see

the gun firing, I take it.

We were not actually present

at the trials.

But you saw the gun fire?

You didn't just look at it

as a piece of furniture?

Scientific fellows, of course.

No, we did not see the gun firing.

Well, well.

Oh, never mind.

Mr. Chairman, I'm not a scientist...

but my reading

of the figures that I've seen...

shows that in practice we don't get

those advantages that are being talked about.

I think Colonel Holland

is taking altogether too gloomy a view.

Perhaps, Mr. Chairman,

you would allow Mr. Rice and my staff...

to read his summary of the figures.

Please.

These figures are averages

of firings at 85 yards.

Carry on the blackout, sir?

The propellant type throughout

was cordite mark nine.

Charge weight in pounds:2.75.

...1,980.

Penetration in inches:2.087.

Charge weight in pounds:3.5.

Muzzle velocity in feet per second:2, 183.

Penetration in inches:2.28.

With moving targets,

average range:
90 yards.

Lightest charge weight:2.75 pounds.

Average time per round: Eight seconds.

Heaviest charge weight: Four pounds.

Average time between rounds:22 seconds.

Small charge...

small penetration, minimum interval.

Large charge... greatest penetration,

maximum interval.

The summary will, of course,

be circulated.

I should like to ask Mr. Rice

what it all adds up to.

Why, I think Professor Mair's already

given the view of the section.

And you share that view?

- Oh, come. It's scarcely a fair question, is it?

- Why not?

Well, Mr. Chairman, Mr. Rice is one

of Professor Mair's junior officers.

Quite. I don't think you can ask Rice

to argue with his chief, Holland.

Mr. Chairman, I want to be quite frank.

We don't like this gun.

We're told those figures show

that we're wrong.

Professor Mair suggested that his expert

should give us the figures.

Surely I'm entitled to know

what those figures mean.

After all, this is an important matter.

It is not the prestige of a particular

department that is involved...

but men's lives.

If the Reeve's gun is accepted,

sooner or later men will have to fight with it.

If we've been too optimistic,

they'll be the sufferers. We shan't.

Well, well, Mr. Chairman.

No one wants to hide anything.

If Colonel Holland would like Mr. Rice's views,

I have no objection at all.

Well, Mr. Rice?

I agree with Professor Mair

that the idea is excellent.

And the weapon?

I don't think it's right yet.

Would you be happy to see it

accepted in its present form...

on those figures?

No, I shouldn't.

You must realize that you can have ideas

that'll win the war four times over...

but it still won't do anybody any good

unless you can sell them.

We're not in a university department now.

No, nor in an advertising agency,

where you belong.

Now, look here, Sammy. You may think you're a great

big scientist and I'm just a commercial stooge...

but the plain fact is, if you make

a mess of things, I have to clear it up!

And the equally plain fact is the stuff you build

a reputation on comes chiefly out of my head!

I'm not a politician or a salesman,

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