The Small Woman in Grey

1

So Mr Paul Michaels

What was it that made you

decide to come round tonight?

Well Miss.... Tiffany...

...I've forgotten your last name

Rose, Tiffany Rose

Well Miss Tiffany Rose

I uh... guess I had nothing better to do

Oh, charming!

Why not be completely honest and

just say there's nothing good on TV

I didn't want to be rude

But... Seriously

We've been messaging each other for ages

Why today?

It took me a while 'cos it's

a bit awkward, you know...

With you being Stacey's

friend, one of her best friends

And, she's my ex

Yeah, well, I wouldn't really consider her

to be my best friend, I mean we're more like

Friends of a friend

Laura is my best friend, Stacey

just happens to be one of hers

Ah it's still awkward though

But anyway, where were we?

I think you were about to tell me

how attractive you find

me and how much you like me

Oh yeah? Well, we could do that

or we could skip that bit

Hold that thought, I'll be right back

Oh!

Um...

What are you doing?

I'm waiting for you

Seriously!?

Yesh, you know you want it

I thought you wanted to...

F*** someone I hardly know?

Seriously! What kind of

a girl do you take me for?

You know, some girls do like

the chase and all you know!

You think that one little kiss leads

to an instant leap to penetration?

Um...

[Sigh] um...

Err, um...!

You know what, just get

your stuff and just go!

Alright, I got it wrong, I thought...

I thought that, you know...

I didn't mean to...

Didn't mean to what exactly?

You know what, Stacey said you were a prick

I thought maybe she got it

wrong, but clearly, she didn't

Just get out.

Stacey would have been up for it

Yeah well Stacey, is a slut

I'm not.

[distant whispers]

[distant woman crying]

Hello?

You ok?

[ghostly voice] Get away from the house

Hello?

Are you alright?

[ghostly ramblings]

[ghostly woman crying]

[KNOCK KNOCK]

[floorboard creak]

Jesus f***ing christ Mark,

what the hell are you doing?

Oh, come on, that was priceless!

You should have seen your face!

You think that's funny?

Oh yeah, really f***ing

clever, well done Mark!

Lighten up sis

Go f*** yourself

You know you really are the most immature

d*ckhead of a brother I could have asked for

You really are.

Where you going now

This immature d*ckhead

brother is going for a smoke

[distant ghostly whispers]

[background TV noise]

Mark?

Mark is that weed?

If you think I won't tell Dad, I will!

It stinks Mark, it's really strong!

Seriously, if you think I'm falling

for your pranks twice in one night

Mark

Mark!

Mark?

I'm not falling for your pranks again

I'm calling your bluff Mark

You can come out now

Mark

Mark!

I know you're out here

Boo!

[ghostly voice] RUN!

[Music]

Wake up sleepy head! Today's the day!

Jack! Wake up, it's camping day so get up

get ready, and we'll go and get pissed!

[voice mail] Hey, this is

Tiffany, I'm unavailable right now

but if you leave me a message

then I'll get back to you

as soon as possible.

Bye!

Where's Tiffany? I've called her

like 6 times, she said she'd be here!

[rope creaking]

[rope creaking]

Ah she's blatantly with Stevie, he

said he'd meet us at the site later

and you know she wants to

...f*** him senseless?

Oh yes!

Yeah, I'm sure they'll come

together, that's if Stevie isn't

too high to find us of course!

Can we just go already?!

I don't care about Tiffany, or Stevie.

If we're actually going to do this

camping sh*t, then let's just go!

Please, let's not fight

we need this weekend

It's been rubbish for everyone lately

and I just want to have

everyone I love together

having a good time.

Yeah Richie Rich, don't be a prick!

And let's not forget who

wasn't actually invited

this weekend was about

friends spending time together

friends?

Do you get what I'm saying?

Like I'm going to let my girl spend

the weekend with you delinquents,

a slag, a bender,

two blokes I haven't even met yet

Well this is going to be a fun car journey

Can you at least try to be nice to them?

Why? They're not my friends

They may not be your

friends, but they are mine

Listen babe,

you don't need them,

you've got me now

Please?

If I play nice I expect

you to do me a favour

What?

Get in the car

Not until you make a promise

Fine! Just get in,

be nice and

try to have fun

[Music]

This is going to be fun

Just so you know, I'm

planning on drinking about

60 percent of all the

alcohol we brought with us

Good for you!

I doubt Richard will let me drink that much

he doesn't like me drinking too much

Seriously Laura?

I love you and you're my

best friend, but seriously,

why are you with him?

He's not all bad.

Well, I've met him at least

5 times now and I've yet to

identify any redeeming qualities

Well

He's the only guy that's wanted to

stay around for more than just a shag

And I know I'm not exactly

Britain's Next Top Model

hey, babe

You're beautiful alright?

And, I'm telling you,

you can do so much better

Yeah I...

could get a nicer person but...

look at that!

Doubt I'll get better looking

Yeah ok...

he is fit

in a...

weird kind of way. I'll

give him that, but...

Nah, I couldn't put up with that.

What are you two talking about?

Nothing much

except how much I want to have sex

with you, you shirtless hunk you.

F*** you

I'm sorry! You want to f*** me?

Dude, your girlfriend's right here!

Stop it!

Oh, so I'll just...

I'll just go shall I?

I've put the tent up now, how

about you make good on that promise?

Not now

Stevie should be here soon, I'm

hoping he brings his friend Alex

Who's Alex?

Just one of Stevie's friends

I don't like that you

hang out with that Stevie

or Jack for that matter

Why?

Don't like the idea of you being

around all these men when I'm not around

what if they try something?

Look Richard, I know you care but...

Jack's gay, he's my best

friend. I'm pretty sure

trying something is the

last thing on his mind

I've known Stevie since I was 4

We were neighbours and

he was like a brother growing up, doing something

with him would be like doing something with

family

I still don't like it, and this Alex

I'm assuming that's another guy?

Yeah but, also gay.

Oh man, that's all I need!

Please tell me it isn't Alex Winter

Why?

I f***ing used to doss around with

him until he told me he was a bender

I'm sure he wanted to f*** me

Those two going at it in the

next tent all night, great!

I'm sure they're not going to and...

What's wrong with that anyway?

I can't stand it, it

makes me feel a bit ill.

Richard! Seriously.

Look, I can't help how it makes me feel

I don't like it, it's not natural

It is natural

Ey-up!

Stevie!

Hey Loz

How's it going?

Stace, how's it going?

Good, you?

Very well cheers

How's it going bud?

Good you?

Very well cheers, very well.

So, when's this party starting?

I've been asking the same thing!

Where's Tiffany?

I have no idea

Oh, I thought she was coming with you?

I haven't heard from her

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