The Small Woman in Grey Page #2

Oh

Wonder why she didn't show up then?

[ghostly whispers]

The reason she's not here is

because she never wanted to come

That girl is a flaky as they come

And the only reason why

Laura is asking you Stevie

is because she assumed

that you were making babies

I have not seen her or

spoke to her in a long time.

We haven't even hooked up since, February?

Anyway, let's forget about

Tiffany and let's get a drink

OK sure

Were you not bringing a friend?

Huh?

You said you were bringin a friend, Alex?

Oh yeah, he's coming

later, he had to work today.

Who's Alex?

He's a mate of mine

Funny guy, you'll like him

Yeah,

think you will!

Oh please tell me this isn't a set-up

No! It's just

Stevie's friend

visiting us

What was that look for?

And how do you know him?

Oh, when I hang out with

Stevie, Alex is always there

He's fun, cheeky but

funny, you'll like him.

What?

Ah can we speed this along

so we can get to the drinking?

OK, here is the short

bullet-pointed version

Stevie here has a homo friend

Laura, here

being the sweet innocent angel that she is

thought that getting you two

out into the wilderness together

would mean that you would get to put your dick

near something other than your own right hand.

Firstly, screw you Stacey!

Secondly, seriously Laura? How

desperate do you think I am?

I don't! I just thought

you two might get along

I thought you said you

spoke to him? Awkward!

Yeah, you're telling me!

Look, he's just a nice guy

I thought you'd like him,

I thought we'd all like him.

I'll vouch for Loz, he's a good guy

lives at the end of my road and

throws the most awesome house parties

known him for years

and I so knew he was gay before he came out

Well, he turned me down once, so I assumed

Yeah, that was definitely it

So am I the only one that doesn't know him?

You've never even mentioned him before

Yeah well we weren't friends

until I was doing that

that stupid Paul Michaels

remember?

[rope creaking]

Anyway, he was best

friends with psycho Richard

who now is Laura's every so

lovely and sweet boyfriend,

and Alex

Wait, I'm confused, I thought

you said he was your mate Stevie?

He is

No, they weren't friends

until after my ex, Paul and...

Richard

decided they didn't want

anything to do with him anymore

because he came out loud and proud

So how do you know him?

I met him at a pub one

night when I was singing

Good guy, we had a few beers

Did you do some

man-on-man lovin'?

No! No I'm not gay

I don't care about all that sh*t though

I take them as they come

He's a good guy

Wait a minute Laura, didn't you say

that he thought Jackie boy here was cute?

What?

Oh my God, this just gets more humiliating.

He did, I'm sorry, I thought

I was doing a good thing

So how does he know what I look like?

I might have shown him your Facebook

Great!

So he knows what I look

like, what does he look like?

Is he fit?

I'm not gay,

but he's a good looking lad.

You got any photos?

Yeah I think I've got some from

the festival we last went to

Oh I have!

We went to a party last weekend,

I was his hag for the night

Hmmm OK

Look!

That's him wasted, so he's

got to look better sober

Yeah, well, I'm still not happy.

Oh shut up, he's hot!

I suppose I should go and

say hello to, is it, Rich?

Yeah, Rich

Hi, Rich, is it?

It's Richard.

Richard, I've been...

hearing good things about you, that you

were getting pretty close with my Loz?

It's my Laura

things are very serious, mate

I didn't mean anything by it

you know, she's a friend of mine.

I just think it's a bit weird that my

girlfriend's two best friends are men

Does it matter?

It does to me.

I didn't mean to upset you, we're

just here to have a good time

Chill out alright?

Don't f***ing tell me to chill out!

Woah, come on...

I don't want us to fight or

for you to get all aggressive

Well maybe I do!

F***ing walking up to me, calling

me your mate, telling me to chill out

I'll f***ing beat you! I don't know you!

What's going on?

Dunno, your boyfriend just exploded

I only came up to say hello.

F***ing dick doesn't think I know his game!

Game? What Game?

You f***ing know man, nobody wants

you here, why don't you just do one?

Hey prick! Let's keep it real yeah?

We're all mates here, not including you

You're the one no one wants

here you arrogant fuckwit!

Stop it please!

Everyone calm down,

we've barely been here an hour

I just wanted this to be

a nice weekend together

It's supposed to be fun

Richard, I love you, I'm

not going to cheat on you

Stacey, Stevie

Please, can we just start this over again?

Please?

For me?

I'm going for a walk

Don't go!

Oh no, please don't go.

Stacey!

Did you have to antagonise him?

I didn't do sh*t!

You know he's a hot-headed prick!

Can we just chill now?

I'm sure he'll be back with

his tail between his legs

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do anything

I know. You didn't do anything.

I'm the one that's sorry, he's

really insecure and super sensitive.

Right, come on, let's have some

drinks, let's have a good time

I'll say sorry for any

offence I may have caused.

What, like words like hello?

OK, let's just move on

Come on Laura, let's get some

drinks, I'm sure he'll be back later.

So Stevie, what do you like to do for fun?

Err don't know, drink?

I also write some songs

Really! Can you sing me a little song?

Maybe later yeah?

It's about time!

Ah come on, give us a song

Come on Stevie, you're good!

Maybe later

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

Alright! Alright!

I wrote this one earlier

OK, see what you think

[singing] It's summer time

and the start are out at night

I know this moment, well

it couldn't be anymore right

This feeling insides like a

million butterflies taking flight

We hold each other

close, under the moonlight

What do you think?

Yeah, you're good!

You've got a smoking voice

Ah cheers cherub

Right, I'm just going to wonder

off and see if I can get some signal

Why?

Because...

Yeah this is lame. I told my

mum I'd call her when we arrived

Ah mummies boy

Yeah, shut up, she worries

alright? I'm her only child

Well get going then so we

can get the party started!

I want all the classics tonight,

alcohol

songs by the camp fire

marshmallows

truth or dare

Truth or dare, are we five?

Not when I'm playing

I rise to every challenge

I never back down

[music]

Oh God!

I'm so sorry, I thought you

could hear me coming so...

No, sorry, I was in a world of my own

Well I'm Alex

Sorry, err, I'm Jack

Yeah

AS creepy as it sounds I...

I know

Oh, yeah I've

only just learnt this.

Yeah, that just sounds bad!

You know what? Let's just start again

Hi

I'm Alex

It's fine, don't worry

So where's everybody else?

Oh I just came out here to see if

I could get some signal to erm...

Actually, never mind. I can take

you back to them if you want?

Err...

Nah

No rush

We can just chill here

for a bit if you want?

I'm pretty sure that's what they

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