The Smiling Lieutenant Page #3

You son-in-law!

Your Majesty,

this has gone far enough.

Turn out the guard!

The emperor's coming.

Now this is going too far.

Right, Your Majesty.

Flausenthurm is too far for me.

I cannot do it.

Don't you understand?

I'm a Viennese, and I love this city.

I can't live without Vienna.

You can't tear a tree out of the ground

and plant it somewhere else.

Tree, tree, tree!

This has nothing to do with biology!

When you winked at my daughter,

were your intentions honorable?

- They were.

- Well, then naturally you'll marry her.

My intentions were dishonorable!

Then you will have to marry her.

Supreme and imperial majesty,

the emperor.

We congratulate you.

It's a great thing for Austria... too.

We here with confirm, officially...

the fact of your betrothal.

Do you, Colonel Rockoff, in the interest

of the bridegroom, find everything fitting?

I do.

Do you, Baroness von Schwedel, in the interest

of the bride, find everything proper?

Then you both agree that everything

is fitting and proper?

- We do.

- We do.

I here with pronounce

this royal bedchamber...

a royal bedchamber.

Here with

pronounce this royal wedding day...

a royal wedding night.

Good night, dear.

What?

- Aren't we married?

- Yes!

- Aren't you my wife?

- Yes.

- Am I not your husband?

- Yes.

Now, can't I call you "dear"

when I say good night?

Well, you may call me "dear,'

but you shouldn't say good night.

But it's 9:
30.

And at this hour, "good night"

is the only proper thing to say.

- You don't understand.

- What?

- Niki.

- Yes, Anna?

- Niki!

- Yes, Anna?

Married people don't do that.

- They don't?

- Oh, no!

Married people don't wink?

Yes, they wink...

but not at each other.

Well, what's the use

of getting married?

All the philosophers,

for 3,000 years...

have tried to find that out...

and they failed.

And I don't think we'll

solve that problem tonight.

Good night.

Let me tell you something.

You can lead a horse to water...

but you can't make him drink.

That's as far as I go.

That's my limit.

Black or white?

I don't want to play checkers!

Why don't you try it?

I personally ordered it for you.

- Thank you.

- It's real Vienna schnitzel.

Vienna schnitzel.

Schnitzel to you.

That's enough.

You know what you are?

You are anti-Flausenthurm.

You wouldn't like this schnitzel

even if it was good.

Schnitzel to me?

Ha! Let me tell you.

That schnitzel came from

an imported Viennese cow.

Imported especially for you.

Poor cow.

To start life in Vienna...

and end it in Flausenthurm.

As a gentleman, I say thank you.

As a Viennese, I say moo!

Stop. Down with that curtain.

What have I done?

No questions! Come on.

You can't take her.

If you please.

Now, that's what I call schnitzel.

You know, Niki,

we shouldn't do this.

Oh, no. We shouldn't.

I shouldn't be here at all.

Oh, no. You shouldn't.

Oh, but I couldn't help it.

I had to see your wedding.

I didn't want you to know.

Just one glimpse

of you as a prince...

and then disappear.

But then I saw you yesterday.

In that marriage carriage?

Then I saw your face...

so sad, so dreary...

so lonesome...

and I thought...

I might just as well...

hang around a little while.

But you cannot

hang around in Flausenthurm...

without being arrested.

When I saw you, I simply couldn't wait

until the concert was over.

So I called the copper.

What's the use

of being married to a princess...

if you cannot use

the police department?

Good night, my child.

I guess so.

Hello, folks. How's everything?

Daddy!

Great little kingdom you have here.

Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm

Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm

Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm

Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm

Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm

Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm

Ach, du lieber Flausenthurm

Flausenthurm, Flausenthurm

He danced with me.

And he called me Daddy.

Father, what does it mean

when a man steps out?

Well, why, I-I don't know.

Why?

- You know who's stepping out?

- Who?

Niki.

Oh, well, now. Let me tell you

what it means to step out.

So that's what she does, eh?

- Plays the violin.

- Yes, Papa.

And in public.

Tell me, Papa. Now, be frank.

Do all girls like that

play the violin?

Well, not necessarily.

But I'll tell you one thing.

They play.

Well, I can play too.

- You want to arrest me?

- Right.

You wonderful man!

Go ahead, girls. Go on. Come on.

Make yourself comfortable,

as usual.

- From Vienna?

- Yes.

Nice, isn't it?

It's from Mandelbaum & Gruenstein.

- Mandelbaum & Gruenstein?

- Yes. Oh, it's the only place to buy.

Oh, of course, they rob you,

but it's worth it.

Who bought that for you?

Who bought that for you?

Not Niki.

I'm sure he didn't.

Niki has taste.

Did I hurt you?

No. Did I hurt you?

Yes.

Why did you get me here?

I wanted to kill you.

You poor little thing, you.

I love him so dearly.

I'm just wild about him.

I don't blame you.

- Isn't he good-looking?

- Oh, and how!

That's it exactly. "And how!!"

- Did you see him in his new uniform?

- At the wedding?

- Yes.

- Stunning.

But to tell you the truth,

I like him even better in his dinner coat.

- With the straw hat?

- Yes! With the straw hat!

Oh, that's nothing.

Did you ever see him in...

Oh, never mind.

You listen to me,

you foolish little thing.

If you don't watch out, someday a girl will

come along and take him away from you.

- Oh, do you play?

- Yes.

"Etude for Five Fingers!"

"Cloister Bells"?

"Maiden's Prayer!"

Let me see your underwear.

"Cloister Bells!"

That's the kind of music

you should play.

Jazz up your lingerie

Just like a melody

There's music when every ribbon

has a flowing rhythm

Wear lace in harmony

A silken symphony

It's music

and just the right note for you

Color should be seen

Let your step-ins

have no dull or gray tones

Wear your crepe de chine

with some pep

In up-to-date

hey, hey tones

Jazz up your lingerie

Just like a melody

Be happy

Choose snappy music to wear

Jazz up your teddy bear

I wonder if I dare

- Jazz up

- I'll try to

- Jazz

- I'd like to

-Come on

- I mean to

Wake up

Try something new

That's what I've got to do

-Wake up

- I'll show them

- Great

- I'll teach them

- Get hot

- I'll try

- Tra-la-la, la-la

- Oh, not so hot

It sounds like 1850

You've got it now!

Let's simply jazz up your lingerie

Just like a melody

Be happy

Choose snappy music to wear

Good-bye, Anna.

Oh, now you mustn't worry about me.

I knew it all the time.

Girls who start with breakfast...

don't usually stay for supper.

Take good care of our Niki.

I will.

And be a good girl.

I won't.

Good-bye, Anna.

Good-bye, Franzi.

Anna, is this you?

This is Mandelbaum & Gruenstein.

That's me!

And that's me again.

I've found at home

my rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta

There'll be no more campaigning

And she'll find me

Oh, rata-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta

And so I'm not complaining

I found a new commander to obey

I must report for duty right away

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