The Snake and Mongoose Chronicles: Episode 1 Page #3

on me, I swear...

Okay.

Will you just stop

being a grumpy old man?

Give me a kiss.

- Can I have a bite of that?

- No.

I'll get you another one.

What is it you always say, Ed?

Leave first, don't redline,

don't freewheel,

don't cross over the center line,

and don't lift.

- Damn straight.

- My point exactly.

All right.

Rack 'em up, Mike.

Got to read the starter, man.

He'll have certain gestures, tics,

preferences in the way

he moves that'll give it away,

and then he wraps it up,

puts a bow on it,

and hands me a single

1/100 of a second.

I swear, every time I race

that track, it's my birthday.

- Hey there, Donny.

- Hey, Donny.

- Fellas.

- Well, well, well.

Don Prudhomme.

To what do we owe this great honor?

Talk to you a second?

I'm sorry.

I couldn't really hear you.

Did you say that the Snake

wanted to talk to me?

Forget it. Enjoy your game.

No, no. Come on.

Now don't be a baby.

Come on.

Guys, can you give me a moment

with the Snake, please?

- Sure. Nice going, Mike.

- You got it.

Well, you were right, Torn.

I usually am.

What about this time?

Even when I win, I lose.

That's true.

So...

...how are we going to make

some serious money at this?

Serious money?

Truth is we could race

up and down the country

till we're blue in the face,

thousands of fans

swamping the track,

but until we get a piece

of the gate receipts...

well, we might as well be playing

to an empty house.

I mean, you're making

a living, right?

You know damn well 500 bucks

a month ain't a living, Tom.

Just me out there.

I don't have Mommy to help me out.

Oh, hey, now, we all got to use

what we got, Donny.

Is there any money

in this Snake-and-Mongoose thing

you keep talking about?

Well, you got to work together

with me on that, Donny.

I mean, that takes time and effort

on and off the track

to make an idea like that go.

Well, you see, the truth is

fast food makes more money

than fast cars.

What the hell does that mean?

You been talking in riddles

the whole time?

Without the burger, you wouldn't

need the arches, right?

But without the arches,

it'd just be another hamburger.

So I'm the hamburger

and you're the arches.

Uh...

well, no, that's not exactly right,

- but...

- I got it. I got it.

No, no, Don,

it's like I've been saying,

all right, you've got

to think big to make it big.

What, you and me like a team?

No way, brother.

No, no, no, no.

Match races, all right?

You versus me like always,

except this time,

we take it on tour.

All right,

we get to call the shots,

not the sponsors,

not the track owners,

the Mongoose and the Snake.

I mean, think about it.

I got 10 tracks already lined up,

willing to pay us a grand

just to show up.

Really? Like who?

Well, like McWhorter

in Bakersfield for example.

That old coot still owes me 100.

Come on,

we do three races, all right,

and then we're down the road

to the next track,

all the way to Dallas.

I mean, in six weeks, we can

make some serious dough.

- You already made a schedule?

- Yeah.

You sure you're not going to get

bored of me beating you every time?

Just look at the schedule, Don.

All right. Hell...

...let's do it.

But it's Snake and Mongoose,

not the other way around.

Hoo! Keep dreaming, brother.

No, of course Snake will be there.

Well, yeah, I know him.

He's here with me.

No, no, it's the Mongoose

and the Snake.

That's the idea.

A mongoose... it's a little

orange cartoon thingy

that bites snakes.

Right. Okay, 750?

Let me check with my partner.

Hey, he says 750.

750? 1,000.

No, no. He'll not take 1,000.

It's a small track, Don.

You tell him 1,000 or nothing.

It's going to have to be 1,000.

Really? Wow.

That's great. That's good.

All right, we'll see

you on the 16th, Jim.

Thanks. Yep.

- Hey, they're really excited about us.

- Told you.

Do you ever miss it?

- The track?

- Mm.

Sometimes.

You know that feeling

when you're out there

and it feels like

you're away from everything,

no worries, no responsibilities?

I miss that.

It's hard on the kids,

Tommy on the road.

He gets home so late,

they rarely see him.

Sometimes I just don't think

I can do it anymore.

What do you mean?

You and Tom are great together.

When we're together, maybe.

But we're never together.

I got three kids and a house.

What I don't have is a husband.

No, thanks.

So, Judy, get someone

to help you out with the kids.

They're going to be

making enough money...

I need a partner.

Someone to go to bed with

and wake up with.

Someone who'll be home

if I need him.

I didn't realize how tough

things have been.

Tom always seems

so on top of everything.

He's just a big kid.

He grew, but...

he never grew up.

You watch your man, Lynn.

Keep him out of trouble.

Daddy's home!

Oh, there he is.

Hey, buddy. How are you?

Mm, good to see you, Jamie.

Hey, pal.

- Aw, come here, you.

- All right, go inside.

- You guys look so great.

- I'll make pancakes for breakfast.

- Hi.

- Ooh, you come here too.

Come on, Dad.

Mm.

More of that.

I'm coming, pal. I'm coming.

Not bad for six weeks on the road.

Still, it'll be nice when

you start back at Douglas.

Yeah, I've been meaning

to talk to you about that.

- You quit, didn't you?

- Now listen.

You cannot support

this family drag racing.

- No, Judy, this is important to me.

- This family needs you, Tom.

And it needs a regular salary.

Hey, Dad!

Ah, come on.

He missed you. We all missed you.

Hey, what you got there, Joey,

more Hot Cars?

Hot Wheels, Dad.

I'll see you later, boys.

- Bye, Mom.

- Bye, Mom.

Hey, now wait a second.

- Hey, now wait one minute.

- Tom, I love the track, okay.

The life, I love it.

It's what brought us together.

But we've got our boys now.

It's different.

- Come on.

- You're good with your hands, right?

So go grab your job back.

Judy.

And Mongoose McEwen

beats the Snake again

with one amazing holeshot.

What's a holeshot?

A holeshot is when one driver

gets off the starting line faster.

- Right, Dad?

- That's right, son.

What, did your grandpa

come visit you guys again?

Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, pretty cool.

Hey, Don.

Damn it, Tom, some of us

still have to work, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, have you seen these?

These are called Hot Wheels.

Toy cars. That's great.

Now, Mattel makes a lot of money

selling these toy cars.

Die-cast, brother,

that's where the dough is.

And?

Well, remember I said

we have to think big?

Okay, what about a match-race tour,

except this time, we're fully

sponsored by Hot Wheels?

Now, we're talking new cars,

new engines, the lot.

What's a kids' toy company want

with two drag racers, man?

Oh, well, they get to put their

names all over our hot wheels

while we race them

up and down the country,

seen by thousands.

The cool part's this.

They get to sell

these little suckers

with our Mongoose and Snake

cartoons on 'em.

Kids really dig this, Don.

I mean, this is groovy, right?

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