The Somewhat Normal Life Of Billie Boi (0.5th Draft) Page #11

---

Sam (breaking a wire): CRAP!

It shocks her.

Sam:
Gosh dangit! (Looking at her stung hand) That was my good hand!

Lo:
Looks like you’re becoming right-handed.

Sam (grabbing the wrench she cut the wire with): I guess so.

She goes to the bathroom to wash her hands.

Bill (petting Tilly): You hungry, girl?

Lo:
I got some tuna--

Bill:
What?

Lo:
I got some tuna we can feed her with. I got some cooked veggie patties we can eat too once Sam comes back.

Bill:
You’re going to feed us after the crap I just did?

Lo:
Yeah? Your my friends--

Bill:
I guess so.

Lo (asking his phone): Yo, How to make french toast.

Ai on his phone:
How to date a french roast, Okay. I found 12 Buffalo Wild Burgers near you--

Lo:
This phone sucks.

Bill (chuckling): Sounds like it.

Lo (banging the phone): Work stupid thing!

Ai on phone:
Stupid Thing by The WadeJos, playing.

The rock song begins playing from every speaker in the building.

Bill:
JESUS CHRIST! DID YOU CONNECT YOUR PHONE TO THE SPEAKERS?!

Lo:
I GUESS I DID.

Sam (walking out of the bathroom): WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Lo:
TURN OFF SONG!

Ai on phone:
Turn up music, okay.

The music is blaring.

Sam:
TURN IT OFF!

Bill:
THROW THE PHONE OFF!

Tilly:
Meow?

Bill:
I CAN’T HEAR YOU, TILLY?!

Lo throws the phone on the floor, it breaks. The song increases in volume.

Sam:
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

The phone randomly starts sliding on the floor. Bill then starts sliding.

Bill:
WHAT THE--?!

Lo:
THE FLOORS DO THIS EVERY NOW AND THEN!

The song finally shuts up. The floors stop flooding. Bill gets up.

Bill:
We’re coding in a building with a lot of computers, and it floods a lot.

Lo:
Yeah?

Sam (slapping Lo): You’re a freaking idiot.

Lo:
You’re not the first woman to tell me that and you won’t be the last.

Sam:
Oh I bet I won’t.

Lo:
You’d win that bet.

We cut to them looking at their 2 blow-up mattresses and one actual bed.

Sam:
I have never seen one of these before.

Bill:
I call the actual bed.

Lo:
Woah, That’s my bed--!

Bill:
I’ve got a cat.

Lo:
Oh yeah.

Sam (getting in one): Jesus, My friend back in high school said these were good, No they’re not.

Lo (attempting to blow up his): I can tell you my opinion about them when I get this one ready.

Bill is sitting on the bed, petting Tilly in his lap.

Bill (laughing):
Oh, You fools.

We cut to Sam, Bill and Lo all asleep in their 3 beds. Lo then sees if they’re awake.

Lo (looking at Bill’s snot-filled nose, whispering): Jesus, Use a tissue, man.

We cut to him putting up a Christmas Tree.

Lo (putting the star up): There we go--

It falls on him.

Lo:
Mother--

The star falls on his head.

Lo:
You’ve got to be kidding me.

We cut to Lo putting presents down, The Tree is up. He then begins yelling as he sees it is snowing, and he wants to wake up Tilly, Sam and Bill.

Lo:
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! SANTA! SANTA!

Bill and Tilly run in.

Bill:
What the--?!

Sam walks.

Sam:
I was about to take a shower--

They see Lo pointing at the Christmas Tree with all the gifts under it.

Bill:
Jesus Christ.

Lo:
I got us all a little something!

Sam (Looking at a huge box with Tilly’s name on it): Little?

Sam and Bill sit near the tree, Lo passes out them some gifts.

Lo (giving Tilly a treat): Here ya go!

Bill:
I thought you hated cats--

Lo:
A man can change Bill.

Bill:
I guess so.

Sam (opening up a box fan): How did you know?

Lo:
What?

Sam:
I’ve been wanting one of these!

Lo:
Seriously?

Sam:
Really!

Bill (opening up a box of cat food): This was for me?

Lo:
Oh, I meant to give that to Tilly!

Lo hands Bill the small box that has For Tilly on it.

Bill:
Gee, Thanks.

Bill opens it up, it is a sign that says I paid 420$ for This?

Bill:
This, This is amazing.

Lo:
It cost 42$!

Bill:
Did you have a 378$ off discount of something?

Tilly bites the wrapping off a big box that has For Sam on it.

Sam (grabbing Tilly): Tilly!

Sam opens it. It is a huge PC.

Sam:
Jesus Christ.

Lo (Looking over at her): You like it? It was the last one they had.

Sam:
Jesus, Lo.

Bill opens up a box of card games.

Bill:
This is super rare! Jesus, Lo, Have you been stalking us or something?

Lo:
I guess I just had a feeling.

Sam:
Well, You need to start having feeling!

Tilly claws at a For Lo present in the shape of a stick.

Lo (opening up his): And Mine is--

Lo opens up a bare stick.

Bill (laughing):
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Sam (handing Bill and Lo something): And this is for you.

Bill and Lo open it. It is a watch.

Lo:
Perfect! My other one broke because I dropped it in the snow!

Bill:
I can sell this!

Sam:
So, You like it?

Lo (jumping up and hugging Sam): It’s perfect!

Sam (looking at Bill): Help---me--.

Bill (laughing, shrugging shoulders): I don’t know!

We cut to Bill brushing his teeth, He gets a text from his phone.

Heather (messaging): I got this number from, You know, That dude that was tax fraud--

Bill laughs.

Heather:
Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry for the crap that happened in the last couple of months, I’ve been an entitled person, and that isn’t me--

Bill:
What? Is she apologizing?

Heather:
I’m a nice person, but Business hasn’t been the greatest, and that the car was my great great grandfather’s, so when it got destroyed, I kind of was an emotional wreck. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas, and I’m sorry.

Bill:
Jesus Christ, Dude.

Bill messages her back that it’s fine. He then gets a message from her that says Who is this?

Bill:
Ugh, Same old Heather.

Bill walks out of the bathroom. Sam stops him.

Sam:
You’re looking a little shaken.

Bill:
No? I’m just tired, that’s all.

Sam:
You sure?

Bill:
I swear.

Sam (jokingly poking him): You better not be lying to me.

Bill (jokingly poking her back): And You better not lie to me.

They walk off, holding hands, We cut to Lo, on a computer, messaging Chason.

Chason:
You haven’t messaged me in months.

Lo:
Well, You know those monthly payments?

Chason:
Yeah? Why?

Lo:
I may need to possibly stop paying, Atleast, Pay them 2 months at a time.

Chason (sending LOLs): You’re hilarious. I framed him for that, and you gotta pay me a lot for that. I could be in serious trouble.

Lo:
Well, I don’t--

Chason:
I can frame you too, you know? I could frame you for contract fraud. That is 10x worse than tax fraud. I could also get him out of jail.

Lo:
Okay, Okay, But--

Chason:
NO BUTS!

Lo:
Goodbye--

Chason:
ENOUGH!

Chason leaves the chat room.

Lo:
Ugh.

Lo gets up, and walks off. Lo sees Sam and Bill chatting, and he gets an evil look on his face.

Lo:
Oh, boy.

We cut to Bill and Sam.

Bill (flipping an egg): And I said, I can’t do anything about that!

Sam:
A food truck? A freaking food truck?

Bill:
I mean, They can get pretty fast.

Sam:
A food truck?

Lo walks in.

Lo:
I used to have a food truck.

Sam:
You did?

Lo:
Yeah.

Bill (laughing):
What happened to it?

Lo:
I sold it. This was before I became your boss, then fired you, then re-hired you.

Bill:
Not re-hired.

Sam:
Forced is the word.

Lo:
Forced, Didn’t force, Blah, blah, blah, It’s all the same in the end.

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote