The Somewhat Normal Life Of Billie Boi (0.5th Draft) Page #2

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Lo:
Meh, Memory sucks.

Bill:
Really?

Lo:
Look, I’m sorry, okay! You--

Bill:
Leave.

Lo:
Look, I said I was sorry--!

Bill:
LEAVE, NOW.

Gaiden:
Oh, That’s it!

As Lo leaves, Gaiden begins attacking him.

Bill:
What the heck is your problem?! What is your--

Gaiden (punching him): You made me miss my wedding!

Bill:
I’m sorry!

Gaiden:
Sorry ain’t gonna cut it!

Bill:
I’m sorry--!

We cut to the evening of Thanksgiving, Bill is at a table, crying. His cat, on the table, laying down, meows at him.

Bill:
I know, Tilly. Life is a little confusing right now.

Bill checks his watch, it is 5:30.

Bill:
I’m going to take a nap.

Tilly:
Meow?

Bill:
I have a meeting in the morning.

As Bill goes to bed, Tilly runs in.

Bill (petting Tilly as she sits on his stomach): These small hours really teach me something, ya know, Tilly? Shoot, I don’t know how we’ll make it if this doesn’t work out like I hope it will. He said I have a lot of experience, so Maybe I’ll do good. Maybe not, Oh well. We got each other, right?

Tilly:
Meow.

We cut to Bill talking to an old guy at a desk.

Field:
Well, We really like this application, You’ve been a car salesman, which means you can talk a lot, You’ve been a cashier, so if we need to change your department, You won’t be let go, and you were even a teacher for a year. I, really, really like this.

Bill:
So, What can I be?

Field:
I can give you a Food Truck job.

Bill (looking dumbfounded): WHAT?

Field:
We’ll see how you do for a couple weeks, and then we’ll give you another Job.

Bill:
As a cashier?

Field:
Yes.

Bill:
Can I then be a tax guy?

Field:
They’re called something else, but Yeah, I suppose you can afterwards.

Bill:
Okay, When do I begin?

Field:
Right now.

We cut to Bill walking into the food truck. Heather is yelling.

Heather:
Cook that chicken hot dog asap--!

Bill:
Oh, You gotta be kidding me.

Heather:
Well, Well, Well. If it isn’t Mr. No Refund. I got that refund by the way, AND Bought a very cheap food truck for 10% off! I’m now investing in the food truck business--

Bill:
I don’t care, I don’t care, How much do I get paid?

Heather:
Well, 3.50.

Bill:
That’s 2.50 less than what I got paid at the dealership!

Heather:
The economy’s tight.

Bill:
I guess so.

Heather shows him around the food truck.

Heather:
It is tiny, but it fits a better amount of people than I expected.

Bill:
Yo, What up man?

Kilo (black guy shaking hands with Bill): Just getting around, I suppose.

Heather (showing him the bathroom): This is the bathroom.

Bill:
Who cleans it?

Heather (shoving him in it): The cashier.

We cut inside. Heather jams it to keep it locked.

Bill:
Get me out of here! Get me--

Kilo (asking Heather something on the outside, sounds muffled): What is going on in there?

Heather:
He’s cleaning the bathrooms.

Kilo:
You got us a Janitor? Nice.

Bill:
HELP ME! I DIDN’T VOLUNTEER FOR THIS!

Hannah (white woman, helper to Chef Kilo): Kilo, What is--

Kilo:
Crazy white woman hired a crazy white guy to clean the bathrooms.

Hannah:
Oh.

Bill:
HELP! HELP!

We cut to him finishing the bathrooms. Heather opens the door.

Heather:
That looks good.

Bill (coughing):
I feel sick.

Heather:
You’re fine.

Bill (beginning to throw up): Help me.

Heather:
Ewww, Stop it!

She throws a rag at him.

Bill:
WHAT IN GOD’S NAME AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!

Heather:
Clean yourself off.

Bill:
I NEED TO LEAVE! I FEEL SICK!

Heather:
You’re worse at this than a manikin!

Bill (still throwing up): I--

We cut to Bill handing a girl named Willy a bag of fries.

Bill:
That will be 7.61.

Willy (checking purse): Oh, I only have 7.60.

Bill:
Oh, Ummmm, Well, I don’t know.

Willy:
Can I possibly--

Bill:
I’m gonna need to take those fries back, mam.

Willy (suddenly getting red): WHAT?

Bill:
I need the fries back, mam. You’re not paying enough---

Willy:
It is just a penny! I haven’t eaten in 3 days!

Bill:
Well, Me either, I’d like to eat those actually.

Willy:
Let me speak to the manager.

Bill:
Ugh, HEATHER.

Heather (walking to them): What?

Willy:
I’m short one penny.

Bill:
Give me the fries, mam.

Heather (Looking at Bill): One Penny. ONE PENNY?

Bill:
You said--

Heather (now looking at Willy) Don’t worry about it mam, Take the fries on us as an apology for (Looking back at Bill) OUR HORRIBLE SERVICE.

Willy:
Oh my god, Oh my god! Thank you! My kids thank you!

Heather:
No problem.

Willy walks off.

Heather:
ONE PENNY?

Bill:
Are you always like this?

Heather:
Bill, Are you a Jerk or something?

Bill:
You told me--

Heather:
What the? What are you accusing me of?!

Bill says nothing.

Heather:
I knew Field was wrong about you.

Bill still says nothing.

Heather:
Speak!

Bill:
What do you mean?

Heather:
Field was wrong about you, You’re a total jerk.

Bill:
You’re kidding me, It is--

Heather:
Bill, You’re fired!

Bill:
I’ve only been here for half an hour!

Heather:
Well, Business around here works differently.

Bill:
Well, Give me one dollar and seventy-five cents.

Heather:
What?

Bill:
That is half of three-fifty, I worked half an hour, Give me one dollar and seventy-five cents.

Heather (laughing as she pulls it out of her wallet): You’re unbelievable.

We cut to Bill back in Field’s office.

Field:
Failed to clean bathrooms, Yelled at customers, Insulted fellow employees--

Bill:
She lied about that! I insulted nobody!

Field:
I know, I know, You’re not like that, But I’m not surprised about the first two, Bill, You’re a jerk.

Bill:
I know, I know--

Field:
You put business and profit over everything--

Bill:
The economy is horrible right now! What am I supposed to do?!

Field:
Look, I’m a man of my word, I said I’d give you a tax job, and I’m going to follow through. My family runs Field Tax Services, and I can get you a Job.

Bill:
Oh my god, thank you!

Field:
I’m your friend, Remember that, This is what friends do for you. Heather ended her contract with me though.

Bill:
Because of me--

Field:
She wasn’t a very good person anyway. Her food truck’s pretty cool though--

Bill:
Because of me, She was able to afford it.

Field:
Well, I wouldn’t say that.

Bill:
Really? You’re really starting this?

Field:
What am I starting--?

Bill:
Nevermind, nevermind.

We cut to Heather in the food truck, yelling at Kilo.

Heather:
I need those nachos, asap!

Lo gets to the line.

Lo:
Was Bill here at all?

Heather:
What’s it to ya?

Lo:
Well--

Heather:
Fine, Yes, He was. I fired him.

Lo:
Why is that?

Heather:
He’s horrible! He didn’t do as told, fussed a lot, He--

Lo:
That sounds like Bill.

Heather:
You know a guy named Field?

Lo:
Yeah, Field Tax & Job Site Services?

Heather:
He is one of the owners, He told me he was a good hire, He was wrong.

Lo:
He’s not bad, You probably just did something wrong and--

Heather:
Are you calling me a liar?! I own a food truck, I make a lot of money, and I have the only employees I need right here! Hannah, Kilo’s assistant, chef Kilo, and Jonah, the cashier, but he is on lunch break.

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