The Somewhat Normal Life Of Li Gin (0.5 Draft)

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Note:
I found this script in a random folder on an old computer back in 2019, I was looking at my google drive and found this script in there, so I suppose I put it on there before selling that computer because I sold it. Funny that this script was written years ago as a sequel to The Somewhat Normal Life Of Billie Boi and there are characters with the same names as the ones from The Adventures Of Dean White. Life is very, very coincidental, I dunno. I guess those three scripts are now in the same canon, do with that as you will.

We open on a man sitting at a desk. He has an “untitled doc” open.

Dean (on the phone): It was a failure?

Cole:
They hated it, I mean hated.

Dean:
Man, I thought it was-- Yeah, I think it was awful.

Cole:
It was too, just, What was that?

Dean:
I want to write something, everybody can love!

Cole:
Love?

Dean:
I want to write a story that people can watch, and--

Cole:
A story people can watch? You mean--

Dean:
You know what I mean, Cole, I got to make it something people will love! I hated that script, but Dina said it was great, So--

Cole:
Well, You know what they say, Don’t trust a cheater.

Dean:
What the heck are you saying, Cole?

Cole:
Huh?

Dean:
You seem like you was calling Dina a--

Cole:
Oh no! I didn’t mean it like that! Come on man! You can trust me! Right?!

Dean:
I dunno, Can I?

Cole:
I guess.

Dean (hanging up): Goodbye, Cole--

Cole:
What? Sequel?

Dean:
Huh?

Cole:
My boss just told me that it turned out that it grossed over 1 Billion.

Dean:
Oh, That’s super funny dude. You’re hilarious. I just heard it barely made it to 24.5 million. Oh yeah, It was April Fool’s Day! Haha! Bring out the candles--!

Cole:
It randomly jumped this past weekend.

Dean:
I don’t believe you.

Cole:
You gotta write a sequel! You playing Lo was awesome! They hated the movie, but your performance as Lo was loved! Come on! Just do it! I swear I’m not lying! They said that it was a hit!

Dean:
I’m the worst actor in the history of film, Everybody on the street tells me that!

Cole:
They’re just joking!

Dean:
I don’t know, I almost got an anxiety attack half the time during filming, due to me not being able to--

Cole:
Come on, Man! Your movie was a hit!

Dean:
You just said it was a failure.

Cole:
Seems like I was wrong.

Dean:
No! You wasn’t! I don’t know why you think that?! It was awful! AND I MEAN AWFUL!

Cole:
Don’t yell at me dude! I’m just the messenger!

Cole hangs up.

Dean:
Ugh.

We cut to Dean walking in the kitchen, He sits as Dina gives him a plate.

Dina:
Lunch should be--

Dean:
You liked The Somewhat Normal Life Of Billie Boi, Right?

Dina (grabbing the butter out of the pantry): What?

Dean:
Ya know, That--

Dina:
Oh yeah, That?

Dean (as Dina butters the chicken patties and puts them on his plate): Yeah.

Dina (as she puts some chips on his plate): It was good. You did great, honey.

Dean:
You know what? No, I didn’t.

Dina:
No?

Dean:
No, I didn’t.

Dina (sitting next to him): Don’t be so hard on yourself, honey.

Dean:
Why shouldn’t I? They say you have to bully yourself sometimes to do well, This is one of those times--

Dina:
No, They don’t say that, Your bat-crazy mother did. And you know how she turned out--

Dean:
Don’t talk about my mother like that!

Dina backs away (and she gulps).

Dina:
What do you mean?

Dean (Randomly heavily breathing as he drinks a lot of water out of his glass and he then slams it down on the table): I’m sorry, I was just thinking, You know?

Dean gets up, and goes back to the bedroom. He sits at his computer, and begins writing. He coughs, and then says to himself: You’ve got this, You’re Dean White! You’re Dean freaking White, Man! We then cut to a forest, a dark and bleak forest, A guy is walking in the dirt, his muddy boots get stuck, causing him to get stuck. He looks around, and looks back at his map. He mutters some curse words, and then goes to keep walking, but he realizes he is stuck in the mud.

Li:
Oh you have got to be kidding me.

Li attempts to get out of the mud, but fails. A frog on a rock notices him, and makes a noise to him. He waves to the frog, but it just scares it away.

Li (as the frog hurries away): Useless animal.

Li then attempts to get out of the mud once more by shaking his whole body, but this does nothing at all. Several spiders then begin to crawl towards him. They are tarantulas.

Li (noticing the tarantulas and gulping): Hey, Spiders! Don’t come near me. Please do not.

The tarantulas then stop, and a siren then goes off.

Li:
Oh dear.

The tarantulas, in their panic, jump onto Li and bite every part of his body, He then sees a tornado coming straight for him, and he then gulps one of the loudest gulps you’ll ever hear.

Li:
God help me.

The tornado slams into the shot, and we cut to an overhead shot of Li, who is being sucked into the tornado. He is screaming for his life as we cut inside the tornado. It looks like pure beauty, and Li looks like he saw the most amazing thing he has ever seen. The spiders are swung away from him, and he then screams as he is slammed down on the ground into a Burger King.

Li (groaning in agony): Oh god.

Sara (a cashier who begins screaming): OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! BILL! BILL!

Bill (running out from the bathroom pulling his pants up): What the f*** is going on-- (noticing the really dead looking body on the ground with a lot of spider bites), Holy moley.

Li:
I can’t feel my legs! I can’t feel my legs-- MY ARMS! I CAN’T FEEL THEM!

Bill (kneeling down): Good thing I went to med school.

Bill feels of Li, and his eyes go wide. He is bleeding almost everywhere, and he screams as Bill feels of his arms and legs.

Li (in a lot of pain): OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! STOP IT STOP!

Li bites Bill’s arm, and Bill swings away.

Bill:
AGH! Jesus Christ dude, Was you in that forest where the EF6 hit?

Li:
Yeah?

Bill:
God, The tornado launched you all the way from Washington to Florida.

Li:
What?

Bill:
You’re in Florida!

Li (Groaning):
I can’t feel anything! I can’t feel--

Bill:
You’re now surprisingly calm after hearing that.

Sara:
You’re surprisingly calm considering you just got bit by a random guy.

Li:
What?

Sara:
You bit him.

Li:
What?

Sara:
I said--

Bill:
Meh, He only bit my watch, See?

Bill shows that his watch was bit, but none of his flesh got bit.

Bill:
Now if he bit my flesh, I would’ve socked the guy, but--

Sara:
No you wouldn’t.

Bill:
Yeah, I would’ve killed you.

Sara:
Yes you would’ve.

Li:
My sock is wet! My socks’ wet!

Bill:
Oh god no.

Sara:
What?

Li:
Yeah, What?

Bill:
God, Let’s hope.

Li:
Hope for what?

Bill (going to take his boots off): Which sock is it?

Li (suddenly in pain again): ALL OF THEM!

Bill (going to take them off and heavily breathing): Here goes nothing.

Bill takes the boots off, and Li’s white socks are now very, very dark red. Bill gasps, and Sara runs off (she is throwing up). Li has his eyes closed, and doesn’t open them.

Li:
What’s happening, DOC?!

Bill:
Uhhhhh, Ohhhhhh, Uhhhhh, Well, You ummmm…

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