The Somewhat Normal Life Of Li Gin (0.5 Draft) Page #2

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Li opens his eyes, and looks at his feet, They are more than just injured. Bill then throws up on the floor, and then looks back at Li.

Li:
OH MY--

Bill (putting his hand over Li’s mouth): Don’t say anything. Don’t--

Li (muffled, but not very much as Bill’s hand seems to be really, really weak): OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MY FEETS! MY FEETS!

Bill:
Feet.

We cut to Li in a hospital bed, Some 50s show is on, and Bill and Sara walk in (Li no longer has his two feet),

Sara:
Hey, Sport.

Li:
My feet. My feet.

Bill (sitting next to Li): How ya holdin’ up?

Li:
My feet, man. My feet!

Sara (as she sits near the window): They ain’t gonna hold you up anymore.

Bill:
Sara!

Sara:
What? It’s true!

Bill:
That doesn’t mean you just speak your mind! This isn’t no podcast!

Sara:
You mean this isn’t a podcast?

Li (chuckling):
That is how grammar works.

Bill:
I don’t need no guy from Washington comin’ in my country tellin’ me how to talk!

Li:
You know Florida and Washington are states in the U.S-- OH yeah, I forgot, I’m in Florida, not Washington, so people talk like this instead of talking normally.

Sara:
Not me.

Bill:
She’s a Cali girl.

Sara:
Born and Raised, I moved down here though because, Ya know--

Bill:
I lived in Savannah. I dated a girl named Sam down there, but I was forced to go back to jail, and I was moved down here. Luckily, Sara bailed me out, She’s Sam’s sister, and we started dating, Kinda because she forced me to as payment, but luckily, Sam and Sara are like twins, except with different fathers, and she was forced to go with her father. Her father is a famous actor, so they moved down there when she was about a couple weeks old, Her mother didn’t want her--

Li:
Wow, What a neat origin story, Where’s the spider bite? The radioactive venom thing?

Sara:
Huh? Oh, Honey, Can you go get Li a drink?

Bill (walking off angrily): Why yes, I’ll get him the best drink in the history of people getting other people drinks that are the best drinks in the history of other people getting the drinks other people went to get them in the history of--

Li (after Bill gets out of their hearing range): What was his deal?

Sara:
He’s been like this for god knows how long. I don’t know what to do about him. He just seems like he’s fed up with everything, I mean, He’s got a wife, he’s got a great job--

Li:
You call burger king a great job?

Sara:
He’s a manager, He’s got a great house, He’s great in all, but sometimes I just think--

Bill (Walking in with several cans of root beer): Drink!

Sara:
That was fast.

Li (as Bill hands him a root beer): I hate root beer.

Bill:
Drink it, fat guy.

Li (looking shocked): Jeez.

Sara:
Billie?

Bill (handing her a root beer): Hey, Honey! You want a root beer?

Sara (as she grabs it anyway): Do I have a choice?

Bill:
No, I spent 30$ on two boxes of 24, Hospitals are out of their minds!

Li (coughing as he drinks it): Get a refund, It’s flat.

Sara (spitting it all on Bill): That is the flattest drink in the history of drinks being flat in the history of people spending thirty dollars in the history of people drinking in the history of drinks existing in the history of cans being a thing in the history of things being--

Li:
UGH. Shut up, We get it! I told him!

Bill (walking off): They said no refunds, but I swear on my grave, I will get that refund!

Li:
What was that?

Sara:
You didn’t see me wink at you or make my voice sound different? I was mocking him!

Li:
Mocking? That’s the word? It sounded like you straight up copied him. I don’t think you want to copy annoying.

Sara:
But was it as annoying?

Li (in struggle to think): Well, Uhhhh.. No--Yes---Maybe-- You got me there.

Sara (laughing):
See! I told you!

Li:
You’re happy that I said that you may or may not be annoying?

Bill (walking in): I’m annoying!

Li:
You’ve got that right.

Bill (bringing in 4 boxes of 24 rip-off sprites): You like sprite? Or, Lemon-Lime Maroon?

Sara:
What?

Li:
What does that even mean?

Bill (shrugging his shoulders as he puts the box on his chair): If I knew I probably wouldn’t have bought it.

Li:
Why?

Bill:
I don’t like the word Maroon.

Li:
Why?

Sara:
His least favorite band is Maroon 5.

Li:
Oh, Why is that? I--

Bill:
They’re a less emo/pop version of Fall Out Boy! It’s disgusting!

Sara:
They’re not even similar!

Li:
Yeah!

Bill:
Yes they are! The song Fix is the same song as Dance, Dance!

Sara:
That’s Coldplay’s song! And they’re not similar whatsoever!

Bill (as he pulls a candy stick out and starts eating it): Wait, Is Maroon 5 the dudes that made that Cardi B song?

We cut to a guy doing his laundry, He is coughing, and he then pulls out his phone, and has a text from Bill.

Bill (his text):
Hey, Look man, It’s been years hasn’t it? I know you hate me for what happened, considering Sam was your ex, but man, You were my best friend!

Lo (as he calls): I told you to stop.

Bill (picks up):
Aye! Lo! Lo! Lo! Lo!

Lo:
What do you want?

Bill:
I got you a ticket to Florida man! Come and visit!

Lo:
Look, I’m busy--

Bill:
Come on! These were, uhhh, uhhh, Okay they were on sale, They’re the bad airline--

Lo:
Ugh, First you call me wanting to hang out, Second, You buy me tickets to the worst airport in the history airports in the history of airports existing in the history of things existing in the history of--

Bill:
You’re my best friend dude! You gotta visit me and Becky, and Li.

Lo:
Who’s Li?

Bill:
You never met Li Gin-- Oh wait nevermind, He’s from Washington.

Lo:
Yes, And I’m Lo Tuck, I’m from Tennessee-- Oh wait nevermind, YOU’RE A BAD FRIEND!

Lo throws his phone on the dryer, and he also bangs his hand on it.

Lo (as he jumps up and around): AGH! MY HAND, MY HAND, MY HAND!

We cut to Lo getting in his car, he bangs his head on the steering wheel, and calls Sam.

Sam:
Hey, Lo. What’s going on?

Lo:
Your ex called.

Sam:
Who? Dave?

Lo:
No, Bill.

Sam:
Oh, That kid that bullied him in high school--

Lo:
You dated him, fool!

Sam:
What did he want?

Lo:
He wanted me to come to Florida so we could hang out.

Sam:
Ah. Did he invite me or something?

Lo:
No, God no. After that breakup, I don’t think he ever wants to see you again.

Sam:
He cheated on me! Let’s make that abundantly clear. He was great, and then, Well--

Lo:
And somehow you framed him for tax fraud, and he got arrested, DESPITE THERE NOT BEING ANY PROOF!

Sam:
Ugh, Is this why you called? You certainly didn’t try to stand up for him.

Lo:
You are a liar! You lied to me! Saying we’ll have a life together and crap! BULL!

Sam:
Goodbye, Lo.

Lo (suddenly sounding desperate): NO! Please don’t hang up! I got nothing! I need friends! Please, god! Please--!

Sam:
What do you want from me, Lo?! I’m suddenly supposed to be your best friend after another friend ticks you off?! NO! That is not a friend, Lo! I can’t just be your all of this f***ing sh*t that has been going on! I’m not the answer! You just can’t keep f***ing up everything! You made Chason mad, You made Dave mad, and you threw me and Bill away! It doesn’t matter anymore, Lo, I suppose you know that, and if you don’t, It is about time you finally get a clue! And if you can never find that clue, Keep digging! Eventually, That clue will tell you, WE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! YOU can’t keep doing this! I’ve told you a million times already! Even in this conversation! I can try to help you, but I can’t be anything more than an acquaintance to you, Lo! Do you understand me?!

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