The Squid and the Whale Page #5

- I love that novel.

Classic. Scenes with the baby in the

middle are based on me as a baby.

Right. It's Mailer's favorite

of my books.

And I loved your wife's piece in The New Yorker.

Really? In The New Yorker?

- Did you know about this?

- I guess I did.

- How'd that happen?

- It's an excerpt.

- She's getting a novel published.

- Really?

Walt showed it to me.

It was kind of sad, but really good.

The portions are very big here.

You only need half an order.

Okay.

Jesus, $1 5 for parking.

What do you think I should do about Sophie?

You'll make the right decision.

I regret sometimes I wasn't more

of a free agent when I was younger.

A woman approached me at a party at

George Plimpton's after my first book.

She was very sexy.

I could've gone home with her.

Why didn't you?

- I was with your mother.

- Oh, right, of course.

You should've probably done it.

It didn't stop her.

Maybe you should sleep

with her once. See if you like it.

It doesn't mean you can't see other women too.

I don't know if Sophie will go for that.

Well, after your performance tonight,

things might change for you.

- Wanna go to my house? We could--

- Jesus!

- You really wanna do it, don't you?

- I don't know.

- What's the obsession with sex?

- It's not an obsession.

I'm not so sure I wanna do it either.

I'm scared too.

Scared is not the issue.

Everything is so serious suddenly.

- We're not getting married.

- What are you saying?

Nothing. I don't wanna feel

this pressure.

Do you like someone else?

Your dad's girlfriend?

No. No. Why...?

No. And she's not his girlfriend.

My dad said you had a weak

handshake, a sign of indecision.

His hands are huge, I can't get a good grip.

My mom said you don't have

a good model for relationships...

- ...because of your parents.

- What?

Your mother doesn't know anything.

I thought it went well.

You told me she said I was hilarious.

Don't be difficult. Please.

You want a beer?

I couldn't take relying on your dad's

shopping habits anymore.

You can have anything you want whenever.

Thanks.

I'm gonna read you a draft of my new story.

I wanna hear your thoughts first.

Then I'm gonna show it to your dad.

You like Pink Floyd, huh?

- What?

- Don't worry.

I used to hand in Lou Reed lyrics

in my poetry class...

...and pass them off as my own.

Although I hope you don't get caught.

I always did.

Do you--?

- F***!

- Sorry.

- Sh*t!

- Lili, sorry.

It's okay. It's just a....

- It's just a bloody nose.

- I'm sorry.

- I might take a bath, okay?

- Oh, okay.

- Okay.

- Good night.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- When's Bernard coming to get you?

- In an hour.

Plan on 30 minutes.

He's always early to get you.

And late to bring you back.

- I wish I could come with you guys.

- I heard that.

I know. But Dad's got you

on Saturdays.

- Do you like his girlfriend?

- ls she his girlfriend?

I thought so. She lives with you.

- He doesn't say?

- No.

I think Walt loves her.

- So they like the same women now too.

- What?

It's nothing. You got our number

in Maine. Remember to lock up.

I will.

- See you next week, Pickle-oo.

- Just Pickle, please.

I'll see you next week, just Pickle.

- Good grip, brother.

- You too, brother.

Dad, it's me.

Are you there?

Pick up.

- How are you?

- Good to see you.

"It has been a long, emotionally

draining day and night.

'Who is that boy?'

someone in the pub asks.

Pitchum climbs into his rented VW...

...and drives off past the cliffs of Dover

into the muted English sunrise...

...another chapter of his life

behind him."

I'm sorry about the turnout.

Kids go home early for Passover.

They seemed to like it.

I mean, masturbating is his own issue.

But Hector witnessed the locker incident...

...and then later,

semen was found in the library.

Who's Hector?

How do you know they were both Frank's?

Well, I suppose it's possible

other kids are masturbating...

...and spreading their semen

around the school as well.

It's possible, but somewhat unlikely.

Oh, it happens, I'm sure, more than we know.

Bernard, have you ever done anything like this?

I'm not going to answer that.

Has anything been going on at home

that might've provoked this behavior?

Well, Bernard left him behind

for three days last week.

Of course, Frank's mother

divorced me earlier this year.

Which also might have something to do with it.

Ms. Berkman, I read your story

in The New Yorker.

- I thought it was quite moving.

- Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

You're living with a 20-year-old.

- It's none of your business.

- It is when you have our kids.

It's confusing for them.

Frank says Walt's in love with her.

Walt has a girlfriend.

F*** off, Joan.

I don't ask about you and Ivan.

Stay out of my life.

I can't believe you'd talk to me like this.

You left all those f***ing ticket stubs

and letters lying around.

You wanted me to know.

It was f***ing torture, Joan.

F***ing torture.

He made his own interpretation.

He's still gonna have to

give the prize money back.

But obviously it's a bigger problem.

He isn't doing his schoolwork either.

His paper on Gatsby

was quite brilliant, I thought.

It's one of his favorite books.

That may be, but I don't believe he's read it.

You both should talk to him.

I think Bernard has to do it.

He wants you to see a therapist.

- I don't need that.

- That's what I said.

Does Simic know both your parents

have Ph.D.'s in literature?

- I mentioned it.

- I think he's full of sh*t.

These public schools tend to hire

well-meaning but ultimately...

- ...unsophisticated bureaucrats.

- Yeah. I don't like him.

But you might have to do it.

Just to please the school.

- I don't need it.

- I know.

And unfortunately, probably a guy

with a BA in psychology.

Not a real shrink.

I have an MA in developmental psychology...

- ...from the Yale Child Studies program.

- Did you get a Ph.D.?

No, an MA is a Master's.

Right.

- Any thoughts about why you're here?

- Not really.

You said you wrote the song

you played in assembly.

- Why?

- I don't know.

Did you have a reason?

- I felt I could've written it.

- Okay.

But you didn't.

It was written by Roger Waters of Pink Floyd.

- I think you know that.

- But I felt I could've.

So the fact that it was already written

was kind of a technicality.

I see.

I can imagine this is a little

uncomfortable for you to talk about.

- I guess. It's hard to explain.

- I wonder how you're feeling right now.

I don't know.

Why don't you tell me about

something less uncomfortable.

Like a nice memory, maybe.

Isn't that a stock question for a shrink?

Yes. That's more or less

how this works.

- I can't think of anything right now.

- Just think.

- Come on.

- Just something.

Meet me halfway here.

All right, let's see.

Okay.

When I was around 6, my Mom and I...

...ducked out of Julie Glynn's

birthday party...

...to watch Robin Hood

together on our TV.

That sounds like a nice memory.

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