The Stolen Jools Page #2

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Hello!

No!

Excuse me, please.

No!

Yes?

No.

Yes?

No!

Yes!

No!

Yes.

No.

Come on, Gallager, get this other one.

Oh, Gallager... yes?

No.

Hello?

Yes.

No,

Maybe.

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

Have you birds got your copy ready?

Yes!

No!

Maybe.

Well, have you got it or haven't you got it?

Oh, it's you, Mr. Cooper.

Put em down. Hang em up!

Put em down, hang em up.

What do you think we're running here? An almanac?

You see, I couldn't' find a pencil in town...

I need a new typewriter ribbon...

Oh, Wynne!

Here's the story of the film ball last night.

Okay. You were there?

Sure! I had a great time.

I left before it started.

Hey, chief, fresh story.

Norma Shearer's jewels were stolen

last night at the movie ball.

No one arrested but everyone suspected.

Now isn't that unusual.

Just like the weather out here.

Say, you know? I wish Philo Vance was here.

Who?

Philo Vance.

Say, Bud!

Why don't you get in touch

with that French detective friend of yours?

That er, Maurice Chandelier.

Great idea.

Hollywood 2400, please.

Yes?

Hello, Buddy!

Wasn't that a grand party last night?

Yes, I wonder if they found any trace

of those stolen jewels.

Hey, hey, hey...

Shhh!

Shhh!

I know you. You're Douglas Fairbanks, Jr.

Them's fighting words, stranger.

Well, anyway, this is Miss...

Everybody knows her. Loretta Young.

Quiet! Don't talk! Answer my questions.

Will everything we say be used against us?

Ah!

So you've hocked the jewels, have you?

You dropped that yourself.

Me?

Oh!

Pardon me just a minute.

Are you Richard Barthelmess?

Why, uhm...

No. There he is, right over there.

Clever fellow. What a makeup.

Pardon me. I want to see him. Just a minute.

Mr. Barthelmess, I want to talk to you.

I'm not Barthelmess.

No?

Louise Fazenda.

Pardon me, Mr. Butterworth,

you're wanted on the set immediately.

Ben.

Hm?

What's a three-letter word for perfection?

You, darling.

Flatterer.

Hey, Bebe.

What's a five-letter word for me?

Jewel, sweetheart.

Frank Fay?

Yes.

Do you know anything about those stolen jewels?

No.

Why...

Oh, Barbara Stanwyck. May I present Mr. Fay.

We know each other. We're married.

Why, of course.

Do you know anything about those stolen jewels?

Shh!

I've just written the most beautiful

piece of poetry.

Really?

Well, I gotta go.

Just a second. Let's hear it.

Oh, no, there's more. Wait.

In a year or so the girl returned

and mighty proud was she.

She told how she'd done her duty

in the great war or the sea.

She told how she picked up the wounded

and held each one to her breast.

So the wood workers got together

and made her a cedar chest.

Well, I'll see you around sometime, I guess.

Kindly come in the garden, please.

Hey, wait a minute.

Which one of you two are Jack Oakie?

Say, Jack Oakie, what's your name?

Oh, er... yes, sir.

Were you at the ball last night?

The ball? Let me see.

Oh, no, I wasn't at the ball. I was playing

some miniature bridge with some The Singer's midgets.

Now wait a minute.

Don't you get fresh with me.

Now wait. You're going too far, fellow.

Don't you want to say what's your business with me?

What do you mean?

I want to see you later, then...

I know, but we've got a big scene to do here.

The kissing scene, is that it?

Yes.

Come on, take em off. I know you.

Come on, take em off.

No!

Take em off, I tell you.

No, I won't take mine off

unless you don't take yours off first.

Oh, yes, you will!

Oh, no I won't!

So it's you, is it?

Were you present when those jewels were stolen?

Yes.

What?

Uhm, no, no, no.

How do I know?

Well, because if I was there I'd have hollered

for help.

How loud can you holler for help?

How loud?

Yes.

Help!

Hello, Hank. Do you want me?

Yeah, Billy. Here's that piece of cheese.

They call it "The Stolen Jools".

Take it away before the Board of Health

gets here.

I'll take it out and bury it.

That's a good idea, Billy.

Hey, wait a minute!

Come here!

What have you got there?

"The Stolen Jools".

What?

The Stolen Jools.

Just what I'm looking for.

So I've caught you in the act, have I?

Oh, but I didn't do it.

You didn't do it?

No, I didn't do it!

Just a moment, please.

I have a secret.

I did it.

Mitzi Green! You stole the jewels?

No. I was at that ball.

And when I saw Edward Robinson

and George E. Stone put this box in a drawer...

I knew something was wrong.

And I've always been taught that honesty

is the best policy.

So, I just took it myself.

Mitzi, you've saved the plot of the story.

Thank you very, very much.

Thank you.

And the moral of the story is...

Never spank a child on an empty stomach.

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