The Strongest Man in the World Page #3

get this school out of hock forever. Much-needed new buildings, a new lab, money for all kinds

of scientific experiments. And besides... Besides, if something doesn't

happen around here pretty soon, you'll be out of a job. That's right... That's not the point! Uh, um... Mercedes,

would you get me the, uh, president of the Crumply Crunch cereal company, Coyote Corners,

Kern County, Connecticut. That's Crumply Crunch? Crumply Crunch! (GRUNTING) (ALL MURMURING) See, under normal conditions

I can hardly move that at all. Why don't you try to... Oh, he can't do it. - (GRUNTS)

- (BACK CRACKS) Oh! I... I see what you mean. Gentlemen, I think that it's

time that we get started. - What do you think, Harry?

- Obviously a charlatan. A dime a dozen. A strength demonstration? Can you imagine the boss falling

for a thing like this? Over the hill. Should step down, let a younger

person run things around here. Now, gentlemen, as all of you know, the chairman of the board

hasn't arrived yet. However, I would like

to welcome Dean Higgins and ask him to be patient with us

for a few minutes. That's quite all right.

My time is your time, gentlemen. Yes. Unfortunately, our time is not yours. Now, it is approximately

two minutes past 1:00. I humbly suggest that you demonstrate whatever this is

you're going to demonstrate so that we can get on

with the real business of the meeting. MAN: But we can't start

without the chairman. As senior vice president

and second-in-command, we can start whenever I say. Any objections, gentlemen? (ALL MURMURING) Trying to start without me again, Harry? Who, me? Of course not! (LAUGHING) I could never do a thing like that,

Aunt Harriet... I mean, Aunt Crumply... Uh, Mrs. Crumply. Aunt Harriet will be fine. But remember, just because you're

a relative doesn't mean I can't fire you. (ALL LAUGHING) Any of you. (ALL MURMURING) At ease, gentlemen. Now, will the secretary please tell us

what's the first thing on the agenda? Yes, Aunt Harriet. That's, uh, Dean Higgins. He's the one who claims

to have that strength formula. Oh, yes, I believe I spoke

on the telephone to you. You're that funny little man from that

funny little school downstate. Um, yes, I guess I am. And you're here to demonstrate

your strength formula for us? If I recollect correctly, and I always do. - (ALL MURMURING)

- Oh, yes. And, madam, that is

precisely why I am here. Really, Dean Higgins. Hmm? Oh! Oh, this...

This is my old gym outfit. We weren't so fussy in those days. How... (CHUCKLES) How cute. - Very cute.

- Oh. Thank you. - Uh, may I proceed?

- Certainly. (CRACKLING) My. Doesn't that cereal

have a lovely crackle? BOARD MEMBERS: Yes! (HISSING) (SQUEAKING) (BOARD MEMBERS EXCLAIMING) (CLEARS THROAT) (TARZAN YELL) Oh. Excuse me. That was a little

throwback I didn't expect. Now, with your permission, I'd like to

start with some weight lifting. Going to show you how easy

weight lifting can be. (GRUNTS) - Bravo!

- ALL:
Bravo! Ohh. - Ohh!

- (ALL CHEERING) MAN: Bravo! Bravo! (CHUCKLING) Oh! He's gonna balance it on his chin! (ALL CHEERING) - Bravo!

- (CHEERING CONTINUES) Oh, no! Ohh! MAN: If I hadn't seen it

with my own eyes, I would have never believed it! (CHEERING CONTINUES) He is truly remarkable. Ohh! (LAUGHING) HARRIET: Oh, my, that was exciting. And that's not all, gentlemen. ALL: Oh, more! More! More! More! (ALL GASPING) (CHEERING CONTINUES) Oh, marvelous. Hyah! (CHEERING CONTINUES) (MOUTHS) More? Oh, no, Dean Higgins! No! No! Please, Dean Higgins, uh, that's...

That's quite enough, thank you. Oh, I'm sorry.

I got a little carried away. I didn't realize how potent

that formula was. I hope I didn't upset anything. Oh, no, you didn't upset a... A thing. (CHUCKLES) Did he, gentlemen? Oh, no, aunt Harriet! Not him! Not at all! Be seated. Now, tell me, Dean Higgins, how long

does the strength stay with you? To tell you the truth,

we don't exactly know. That depends on the person

and the amount of the formula used, but the duration

of the strength is definitely limited. - Oh, that's bad.

- Oh, but, Aunt Harriet, all the better. If a person were to lose his strength,

he'd have to eat more cereal to regain it. Just think what that would do. Why, we could sell cereal

morning, noon and night. Now, that's good.

Brilliant, Cousin Edward. Brilliant. Now, gentlemen, I want you

to pay strict attention. The time has come to talk turkey. To say nothing of cereal. (LAUGHS) (STOPS LAUGHING) (LAUGHING) "To say nothing." Sit down, Roscoe. Sorry, Aunt Harriet. Gentlemen, after years

of playing second fiddle to the Krinkle Krunch cereal company, we are now going to be number one. We're number one! We're number one! ALL: We're number one!

We're number one! We're number... Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. Dean Higgins, do you have

a weight lifting team at Medfield? Well, uh, no. We don't exactly have

the personnel to go in for that sort of... Good. Stanley, put the phone together... And then get me Kirwood Krinkle of the Krinkle Krunch cereal company. Krinkle? Aunt Harriet, what are

you doing, talking to Krinkle? (BOARD MEMBERS CLAMORING) Just you wait and see. A weight lifting contest

between State and Medfield? But we were national champions

last year. I mean, State, that is. You know, I went there. Oh, I believe

everyone knows that, Kirwood. But really, Harriet,

what is the point of all this? I am proposing, in the interest of sports and the cereal business, of course, that a much-publicized match be held

between State and Medfield in which your company

will support State and my company will support Medfield. That way, the public can determine which is the number-one

weight lifting team in America, and perhaps the number-one

cereal company. But, Harriet, we are the

number-one cereal company already. - Remember?

- Oh, I know that. And I understand if you don't want to put

your number-one position in jeopardy. Nonsense. Krinkle Krunch is

always ready for competition. Besides, what a great publicity idea. You know, Harriet, sometimes

I think you're a wonder. Just a wonder. Good-bye, Harriet. Medfield vs. State. What a laugh. We'll murder 'em. Right, men? ALL: Right! Uh, right. - (CLEARS THROAT)

- Yes, Uncle Frederick? Don't you think we should remind

Dean Higgins of one little problem? Problem? What, uh, problem? Spies! "Spies"? He means industrial spies,

Dean Higgins. There is no length to which the Krinkle

Krunch company would not go to learn our plans. Oh. Well, I can assure you

that this project will be top secret. I'll see that the lab is

placed under maximum security. You won't have to

worry about any spies. (CHUCKLES) That's fine. Of course we do

have a few spies of our own. But the ones

from Krinkle Krunch are everywhere. It's just that we don't know who they are. - This is me.

- This is me. Good. Were you followed? I don't think so. - What is it, Harry?

- You're in trouble, Krinkle. - Trouble?

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