The Stuff Page #2

Can you get it?

Go in for a close-up of the faces of

these two 'cause they're real beauties.

Let me see how much you love it!

Very good. Thanks, girls.

Okay, Christine, by yourself.

Right to the lens. Right here.

I'm going to want you to go in

for a tight close-up

- as she feeds the camera.

- ( whispers )

What are you doing?

Are you out of your mind?

- Who the hell are you?

- Everybody break for five minutes.

I got to talk to Miss Kendall about

her employment and this job.

You all can break. Coffee?

You can take off with that.

Kill the lights and the sound.

You got that?

- ( music stops )

- What...?

I'm sorry to interrupt you,

but I can't wait in line.

I can tell you're not the type

of person to wait in line either.

You didn't get where you are now

by waiting in line, did you?

- How do you know that story?

- That's the way I got where I am.

And here I am with you

and you're awful pretty.

- "David...Rutherford?"

- Moe! My friends call me Moe.

They call me Moe 'cause every time they

give me something, I always want mo'!

And I suppose you're wondering

what I want out of you.

Yes, I'd like to know

what this was all about.

I want to put you on

our public relations campaign.

I need you not just to raise the image,

you gotta convince the public

that Lee-High Petroleum

has the publics interest at heart.

Oh! But... But why me?

Well, I mean,

look what you did for The Stuff!

You invented the name,

as I understand it.

You created the image and put

the whole sales pitch together.

That's why I don't have a lot

of time for petroleum companies.

Well, darling,

I'm not here to hire your agency.

I want to buy your agency

and put you in charge.

Oh! Oh! Um...

You want to buy the agency

and make?... That clarifies things.

Will you just sit right there one second.

Mitzi? Mitzi.

I want you to check out this guy

thoroughly and get back to me.

I want you to cancel my dinner date

and go get me a dress to wear.

No, problem.

Right away, Miss Kendall.

So, you were saying?

I do like to see a woman

with decision.

Pick your favorite restaurant.

Mm... Where are you staying?

The Sherry-Netherland.

Do they have room service

at the Sherry-Netherland?

My limousine's just outside.

So is mine.

I'm betting mine's bigger than yours.

( baby crying )

( scanners beeping )

- Hey, give me that!

- Give me that back!

What do you think you're doing?

Wait! Come back here, kid!

MAN ON PA:
Security to aisle seven,

please.

All security personnel

to aisle seven, please.

Oh, sh*t!

Get off me! Let me go!

Please!

Let go!

It's gonna kill you all!

( doorbell )

( growling )

( doorbell )

Hello, Mr Vickers.

I called you about an appointment.

Sure, the man

from Consumer Magazine?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Well, come on in.

( dog growling and snarling )

- Is he friendly?

- He's absolutely harmless.

- How old is he?

- One year.

- One year old? He's awful big.

- I feed him very well.

- Can I get you a drink?

- No, thanks. I'm off that now.

I'm glad to hear that. The liquor

can kill you. It ought to be outlawed.

Mr Vickers, how long have you been

with the Food and Drug Administration?

Almost 19 years.

Yeah, pretty soon

they'll be retiring me.

( growling )

And as I understand it,

you were part of the team

that tested and approved

a product called The Stuff.

They didn't have a name for it then.

They merchandised the hell out of it,

but we agreed it was a good product.

How long was it tested

before you approved it?

You've got to understand

that this is a dessert,

not a prescription medicine.

Not any different from yogurt

or ice cream.

What's in The Stuff?

What's it made out of?

How's it made?

- What was your name again?

- Rutherford.

- Rutherford.

- Moe Rutherford.

I hope...

I hope you're not going to tell me

that there's been some trouble,

- I mean someone's allergic to it.

- That would upset you, wouldnt it?

Look, all we can do is look for

something common to most people.

If there's no reason to forbid the use

of a product, then we have to okay it.

( growling )

- And in this case, it was...

- ( snarling )

In this case it was a pleasure.

It was an absolute pleasure

because I love it! I love it!

- Oh, you eat The Stuff?

- All the time.

- I feed it to Ben. Ben has some.

- You feed the dog The Stuff?

Absolutely. Ben eats it all the time.

Right, Ben?

( growling )

Well, I... I suppose if both of you eat it,

it's got to be all right.

- Yes. It's really good.

- ( snarling, barking )

But I understand that

you're not a chemist, Mr Vickers.

No. I'm an administrator, but, uh...

but I can give you the names

of some of the people on the panel.

Well, I tried that already

and for some strange reason,

they're all out of the country

or deceased.

- What a shame.

- Yeah.

Say, where did you test The Stuff?

- Stader.

- Stader Virginia?

I still have some preliminary

worksheets in my office.

Maybe you should look at them.

Nothing confidential.

I'd appreciate that. I'd Xerox them

and send them right back to you.

You're lucky.

I never throw anything away.

( dog panting )

- ( barking )

- Ben! Good boy!

Why is your master afraid of you?

Huh?

You hungry? Want something to eat?

Come on. Let's go in the kitchen.

Oh, I'm sorry. I should have offered

you a cup of coffee or a soft drink.

I felt like a glass of water,

but I'm not thirsty any more.

These are some of my old documents,

just a lot of old names.

Well, thanks very much.

I appreciate it.

It's my pleasure. ( chuckles )

I'll get copies of this

as soon as possible.

- Well, take your time.

- Goodbye, Ben!

- ( Ben whines )

- You've been a good boy, Ben.

I've got a treat for you.

In fact, I have a treat for both of us.

We deserve it, don't we?

( jingle blaring out )

Taste that satisfies

My big exciting sweet surprise

One lick is never enough

of The Stuff

Stays cold

and never melts away...

2:
30am and they still keep coming.

One lick is never enough

of The Stuff

Never melts, never melts...

( snarling )

Help me! No!

Help me!

( screams )

( snarling )

No! Stop it!

Ben, no! Ben!

( barking )

I'll buy more!

( screaming )

( honks horn )

MAN:
Okay, I'm comin'. I'm comin'.

- What can I do for you?

- Fill her up.

Fill her up. Yeah.

There's nice clean restrooms

out there, if you want to.

I must have taken the wrong turn-off

here somewhere.

- This is Stader, isn't it?

- Yes, it is.

I know somebody here.

I can't remember his name. Uh...

- Melville.

- ( bell rings )

You mean old Harold? He moved out.

- They're just about all moving out of here.

- Ain't nobody here but you?

Don't you want to wash your hands?

I put in a new towel.

- ( bell ringing )

- Could you stop that at $20?

Okay, yeah. Sure.

Do you recognize that car down there?

No.

Ain't that a novelty?

Two strangers in one day.

Hi-yah! Hah!

Ow!

You're Chocolate Chip Charlie!

Well, I sure as hell ain't

the Kentucky Colonel! Get off of me.

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