The Stuff Page #3

I'm sorry. What are you doing in a town

like this, big executive like you?

I'm trying to find out somethin'

about the sons-of-b*tches

who stole my company and threw me

out on my beautiful black ass!

- You work for them, huh?

- I'm investigating them, same as you.

Those shits!

Somehow, man, they got to my a**hole

brother and my two idiot nephews

and everybody else

I trusted with stock.

And they brainwashed them, man!

Next thing, they was in and I was out!

Yeah, Okay, Charlie.

Did you find anything out?

What you gonna find out in a town

that's been dried up and blown away?

( dog barking )

Must be a side-effect of eating too

much dessert. An urge to migrate.

There's a widespread urge of that

around here.

I might have gone along with the idea.

They didn't have to steal my company.

These guys don't like having partners,

Charlie.

I figured if they was a Mafia front,

I'd get back at 'em, expose 'em.

- And then get my company back.

- But how did you find this place?

Those damned relatives of mine again.

After they voted me off the board of

directors, you know what they did?

They hid from me, man, disappeared

because they knew I'd kill 'em!

Then they left this place here

as a forwarding address.

- A forwarding address?

- Yeah.

Well, that's a Post Office.

Where does that mail get rerouted to?

Oh, to these people,

the addresses they left behind.

But I don't see that's

any i-interest, uh, to you.

Midland, Georgia. Midland, Georgia.

Midland, Georgia.

A whole lot of folks have relocated

to Midland, Georgia, man.

It's dinner time.

Why don't you close up shop?

Well take you out for a bite to eat.

I've...eaten already.

Midland, Georgia, huh?

They all went there

and you stayed here?

Go away.

- Leave us alone.

- What do you mean "us", man?

We're talkin' to you. Ain't nobody

else in this place, is there?

All we see is you and the gas

station man and now he's gone.

We're not...bothering anybody.

( croaking )

Excuse me.

I'll be right back.

( door creaking )

What do you think, Charlie?

The man is not in proper operating order.

Absolutely!

I'd like to take him some place

and get him X-rayed.

What if he doesn't want to come

along?

- We snatch him.

- Now, Charlie.

I run a high-tech operation.

I don't go in for things like that.

I got a few lo-tech solutions.

We hit that sucker over the head...

Ooh, well... We could do that.

- We throw him in the trunk of the car.

- We could do that, too.

- And we take off.

- But whose car?

( groaning )

I'll be right there, baby.

Hello?

- Okay, lethal hands. Kill the door.

- Okay. Watch out for splinters.

I always knock first.

Huh!

- ( whispers ) What happened to him?

- Nobody's mouth can open that wide!

You are not thinking about

going after it?

I hope you got a gun on you, Charlie.

- My hands are lethal weapons!

- I hope you're right.

Because if that thing

tries to kill me, you kill me first.

- Wait, wait, wait. We are not alone.

- ( footsteps running )

The only thing Chocolate Chip Charlie

knows better than fighting is running.

Pick a direction.

- Get in that...

- ( yelling )

MOE:
Get in that boat, Charlie.

I just knocked a hole in that sucker!

( gurgling )

Get in the boat!

- Honey, you got a coffee for me?

- Sure do.

You're a pretty thing! Look at her.

Isn't she pretty?

Mm-hm.

Every time I feel like eating,

I think of that guy with the mouth.

- It turns me right off my stomach.

- ( Charlie chuckles )

Hey, waitress. You got any good

chocolate chip cookies?

Sure do. Home-made.

You got any of The Stuff?

( country music plays on jukebox )

Wish I did. I can't get it.

It's on order, though.

Charles?

You and I are gonna have to split up.

You sure you no longer need

my iron fists?

I want you to go to Washington DC

and see Special Agent

Frank Herbert...

( whispers ) from the FBI.

He won't believe me.

Maybe he'll believe you.

- Uh... Frank Herbert, the FBI?

- Ssh!

I got ya.

( Charlie laughs )

There you go, honey. Thanks a lot.

Hey, fellas. Any of you going down

to Route 105 could give a guy a lift?

- Yeah. I'm just about done.

- Ooh, good. Thanks very much.

- Is your friend coming with you?

- No. He's got other business.

Charlie! Remember where you are.

Here he comes.

( tires screech )

( horns honking )

- You're Mr Rutherford.

- That's right.

I expected you about now.

I gather Stader wasn't a rather

congenial community for you.

- News travels fast.

- Hm.

You're not one of 'em, are you, huh?

You're not on The Stuff, are you?

Oh, no, no. My doctor would never

allow me to take any of that.

But you distribute it.

You know what it is.

You put it in the stores

and the supermarkets.

I know what it is?

Don't be ridiculous.

I don't know what it is.

Does anybody know what it is?

I only made it what it was.

Those who would take

a critical mass of it, it's everything.

Those people who discovered it and

brought it to me were already addicted.

They were compelled

to find somebody like me

who could market it

in the tens of millions.

That was long before you

test-marketed the product in Stader.

Where did it all start?

Everyone in Stader went to a little

town called Midland, Georgia.

Now, your conglomerate owns

a mining company in Midland?

Let go of it, Mr Rutherford.

You can't stop it.

I can shut you down.

( laughing ) I don't know.

I really don't know.

I don't think anybody

would pay much attention

to a disreputable character like you.

You're a rogue, you're a crook

in the pay of ice-cream companies

trying to screw the competition.

I could always kill you.

( laughs nervously )

Or you could come to work for me.

Let me show you something.

I had a little envelope here for you

in anticipation of your arrival.

- What do you think of that?

- $1,000 bills?

- About 25 of them?

- Hey! Right on!

Also a first draft of a contract

to supervise our security here.

You do know who I am, don't you?

Mm.

I don't have to eat The Stuff though,

do I?

I would like to leave that

to the Stuffies.

- It's not your fault.

- It is my fault.

I invented the whole campaign

that made it so popular.

Are you the only person

ever done anything wrong?

No, I know I'm not the only person

that ever did anything wrong.

Do you want to trade sins,

Miss Kendall?

All right. I'll trade a sin with you.

I am not an oil millionaire.

- I'm an industrial saboteur.

- ( she laughs )

Why don't you just call the FBI

and tell them what you know?

I haven't got any credibility

with the Bureau

or any other Federal agency,

for that matter.

I was one of them.

They kicked me out.

- Um... What about Ralph Nader?

- Oh, I got a bad name with him, too.

A couple of motorcar companies

hired me to discredit consumer groups.

- I did too good a job.

- But if you've got proof...

- we've got to go to somebody...

- I don't have any proof.

I got no proof at all.

That's why I gotta go to the factory

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