The Suicide Shop Page #2

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Oh, sh*t!

Good morning.

I keep telling you, not "good morning."

You must say "bad morning"

and "goodbye" rather than "see you"

since they will never come back.

When will you understand that?

What can I do for you?

As a matter of fact,

We are hesitating.

- It would be for Mister,

or Madam?

We would like to go together.

- Good. It is more advantageous.

For Valentine's Day

we have a deal for couples.

- What are you hiding behind your back?

What will we do with you?

You drew your sister busy and pretty.

Don't you see she's useless and ugly?

I think Marilyn is pretty.

Ugly, I'm ugly.

I'm really ugly.

And there he's,

making his sister cry.

Oh, it's snowing...

- Hum... Well, to us.

- What do you say?

- It's sad.

Exactly, that's sad.

And that's why it's pretty.

- That's it.

You will be happy.

- Alan, what do they say?

- See you, good night...

Pardon me.

My mistake.

Goodbye.

Damn. Too late.

- How are the news?

- Alarming.

- Good. It is good for us.

Emergency. I am going.

There, there I am coming...

- Please.

- What is it?

It's urgent. I can't stand it.

I will see if I have it.

Where is it?

Where did it go?

What are you doing here?

- I could not sleep.

- 35 Euros.

For 1 bullet only?

One maybe, but the right one.

But in the showcase it's 22 euros.

Night rate.

- Okay, I take it then.

You can come back tomorrow,

if you prefer.

- Absolutely not!

I couldn't wait.

- Who was that?

- A desperate man with an empty gun.

What are you reading?

- Statistics for this year.

One suicide attempt

every 40 min,

but only 20% success.

It's awful

all those people who miss.

Fortunately we're here.

We are not about to close shop.

- Still, it's not fun.

Good night, darling.

Sweet dreams mom

sweet dreams dad.

...

I told him, not on the public road!

We could lose our license.

- Alan

hurry up a bit!

Why can't we kill ourselves, mom?

I've told you 100 times, Marilyn.

It is impossible.

- Think, poor nitwit,

Who would keep the store?

Vincent is right.

This is a family business

started by your great-grandfather,

Clestin Tuvache.

Later, when we are too old,

you will take over the shop.

- For the boys yes.

But why can't I cut my veins.

Because it hurts.

And life is beautiful.

- No, Alan.

Life is appalling.

But we must fight.

- So, you wanted something...

- Hello, it's me again.

- Yes, hi there.

...something original,

manly...

And voila.

The seppuku, more commonly

known as hara-kiri.

Not for everybody.

For athletes only.

But strong

as you are...

What is...

was your job?

-Gym teacher

Oh, then it's for you.

I thought of gas or napalm...

A fine-immolation

in a high school courtyard

it would be striking.

But honestly, seppuku

is more classy.

I sharpen them myself.

Touch the edge of this blade.

It enters in you like in butter.

Come on, children,

let's hurry...

- Bye, mom.

Vincent!

What?

- Here is a demonstration.

Bye dad.

Have a nice day.

- Come on.

You'll be late.

I am not sure I can do it.

You do home service?

And what else?

We are not murderers after all.

We provide.

People manage.

And... it is expensive?

Certainly, but the samura kimono

is provided:
800 Euros.

Ho, it's quite a sum!

- A shroud has no pockets.

Neither does a kimono ...

Excuse me. Then?

- Well, I'll take it.

- You will not regret it.

Our suicides are guaranteed.

Our motto:
"Dead or reimbursed"

You only die once.

Might as well make it a unique...

...unforgettable moment.

- It can't go on

This carnage

It's too horrible

All those people who

All these people who think

Only of the grave

What's the point

In brief

To be on earth

If we think only

If we think only

of comitting suicide.

A peaceful life

Without despair

Quiet life

And then stop

Yes stop moping

Death to Death

Let's be smart

Or else

We're all end up

We will all end up orphans

It's true

It's not funny

But we can't do anything

You shouldn't start as losers

The world belongs to us

We are only children

Just good-for-nothing

- I think we can succeed

Put an end to suicides

Let me think

I may have an idea

- Let him think

- He may have an idea

- It is not easy.

I hesitate.

- Lucrce,

can you come?

Madame would like

something feminin.

Feminin-?

What's most feminin is poison.

It's a bit like a perfume.

I was just preparing some in the lab.

Yes, a poison!

Why not?

Here, our entire range

declined poison water

or concentrated.

More expensive naturally

but so much more effective.

You prefer a contact poison or...

to inhale or to ingest?

- What is the best?

It depends on the desired effect.

I especially research

the effect of death.

- Darling,

I'm going.

Mr. Calmel's delivery.

All this is very tempting.

It is.

All our products are good.

Take your time.

I'll let you think.

- Can I help you?

- This is what?

Freeze-dried amanita phalloides.

It smells nothing

and you feel nothing.

Our customers are happy.

- How do you know?

- None ever came back.

- Dying my natural death

I have no patience

- There's everything you need here

We can trust them

We don't know what to take.

That's why we hesitate.

- A rope to hang

- Or poison "sudden death"

- I thought I'd slash my wrists

Is it a good idea

That's what my brother in law did,

Now deceased.

Wait, wait, think

- Dying without blisters

Or nausea or burns

Guaranteed pure product

Cyanide pellets

This is not good

The poison

In contrast,

The gun shot

Frankly I do not recommend

It's noisy

It's dirty

It is not a wonder

You failed in your life?

Succeed in your death!

- What is it?

- This is Mr. Tuvache.

I bring you your order.

Come in, it's open.

Take the pads.

Enter, Tuvache.

Come in.

- I do not know what to choose.

Sorry to bother you all this time.

Not at all.

Take your time.

- It is not

an easy decision.

Of course.

- Everything is there, Mr. Calmel.

Mr. Calmel?

Ah!

Finally. If you knew how

I've had enough of this sh*t.

- What sh*t?

- Life.

Ah yes, life...

Believe me, Tuvache

Go on to the other side,

it's the only solution,

The end of worries,

the big sleep,

The extasy...

- Still,

it isn't very joyful.

- It is those who remain

who are sad.

When you're dead, you won't

be there to miss yourself.

Think about it, man.

Yes, of course.

I put it where?

Give me that!

Finish...

For the little bill...

- There, under the bed.

Finish...

- What would you take?

- I do not know.

To die? Unfortunately

I can't allow myself.

Must say what is

I have regrets

And remorse

Going on selling death

When I see it all

All that is wrong

All that's not going well

I'd like to jump off a bridge

- I am not in good spirits.

This may be normal

With what happens

All these people

Who leave and pass away

- It would be tempting

A bloodbath

To finish

Once and for all

With the future

- It's not fun

Killing people

And to not be able

Feel more than that about it.

To kill oneself,

To behead oneself

Or be bloodless

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