The Suicide Theory

1

Hey Paul... where's

the cookie dough?

Had a freezer malfunction...

Lost a lot of what we had...

Just had the new one

installed yesterday.

Well I think this one's

working a little too well.

Well at least it's working.

Annie's not going to be happy.

So... How is Annie?

She's pregnant.

Congratulations.

You're not exactly jumping

for joy, are you?

I mean it's...

It's not that.

Ha. Look at me. I'm not exactly

fatherhood material.

I don't know the first

thing about raising a kid.

Hell... I felt the same

way about the first one.

It's... um...

It's a big step in a man's life.

You know...

Once upon a time I swore I would

never be like my old man.

Now... here I am...

Giving the same

advice he gave me.

Packet of Smokes... Blues.

Excuse me; Can you

not see we're in

the middle of a

conversation here?

Oh I'm sorry.

I thought this

place was a store.

Steven? Steven Ray?

- Yeah?

- We should meet.

So how did you find me?

Do you believe in fate Steven?

I mean me, myself; I never

really used to think about it.

But I'm coming round to it.

- Right...

- Look the re-the reason I

bring it up is because...

I believe the two of

us were meant to meet.

That this conversation

we are having

right now was meant to happen.

Doesn't matter what

happened yesterday.

We'd still be sitting talking

to each other right now.

What's that? Some sort of

Sigmund Freud sh*t?

It's Elisabeth Kubler-Ross...

Actually.

I don't know who

the f*** that is.

Is that why you called me here?

Well, did you want

to tell me why you

need someone of my

particular skill set?

Well where do you

want to start?

Say I was to shoot you,

right here, right now?

Right now? No, it wouldn't

work. It's against the rules.

- Rules?

- It has to happen

when I least expect it.

Okay, if I was to shoot you...

Right here and now...

without warning...

Would you expect it?

It's a good point but...

still it wouldn't work.

For it to work...

I need to not want to die.

Right now I want to die.

If I didn't I wouldn't

be here talking to you.

So you've...

paid someone to

shoot you before?

I provoked a situation

that led to it, and...

it obviously ended

with mixed results.

Right. Why don't you

just do it yourself?

What is it about my

face that makes you

think I haven't

already tried that?

Look, I have gone

through an extensive

series of elimination and...

Look I've come up

with this theory.

- A theory?

- Yes.

Really? And your last attempt

that was jumping

off the building?

Uh, sort of.

It wasn't exactly the plan.

Why didn't you think

of that sooner?

I was scared of heights.

Vertigo I think they call it.

Makes me dizzy.

You sure you want to

go through with this?

This is your chance...

If you're not...

people kill themselves

all the time...

usually when they fail...

at suicide it's

because they didn't

actually want to kill

themselves at all.

Usually...

It's for attention.

Desperate cry for help.

This is much more complicated.

Is it?

If you're f***ing with me...

playing games...

me killing you...

that's going to

be the last thing

you have to f***ing worry about.

Look...

if I tell you, you

have to promise

to not think it's stupid.

I already think it's stupid.

I jumped off the Humber Bridge

in London last year.

Over two hundred people have

successfully committed suicide.

Now I'm one of five to survive.

This...

self-inflicted gun wound...

look... pfff...

You get the picture.

I'm like Cain...

There's something else

happening here that's

out of my control.

You telling me you can't die?

It's a curse.

Pfff.

Is that it?

When exactly am I

supposed to do this?

You have to do it when

I don't want to die.

How the f*** am I supposed

to know when that is?

Look, I'm paying you a

lot of money Steven.

Be creative.

It's a pleasure doing business

with you Mr. Wells.

Percival...

call me Percival.

How are we doing tonight?

Coffee... Black.

- What?

- Independent jobs I see.

Freelancing again.

I needed the money.

You get my consent first

before you do anything Steven.

Anything!

It's easy money.

It's not like I'm making any

f***ing money working for you.

We're not exactly working

for free Steven.

Frank Dubios.

Is he dead or not?

Something happened.

There was an incident.

That'll be $12.95 sir.

Across the street.

Mind getting out here?

Yeah I do f***ing mind if I get

out here. Across the street.

Yeah, you can walk

across the street.

No, across the street.

Far left corner.

Look... just pay me and get out.

- You free?

Yeah I just need him to pay.

Alright?

I'll pay you when you take

me across the street.

Sir, you're being

very difficult.

F***!

Fainted?

It's a seizure.

Still struggling with the

street crossing thing I see.

And as for our old pal?

Frank?

Well that's to be continued.

You're awake.

How do you feel?

You were shot three times.

On the train.

You remember?

Turns out being shot could have

been a blessing in disguise.

While we were removing

one of the bullets,

We found a golf-ball

sized tumor...

dangerously close to

your spinal column.

We were able to remove the

tumor without complications.

Now it wasn't cancerous...

But if it had grown

much larger...

you could have ended up

spending the rest of your life

in a wheelchair.

Or even be dead.

Everything else appears

to be tip top.

None of your wounds

is life threatening.

No significant damage to any

internal organs,

no artery damage.

We were only able to remove

one of the bullets though.

So you might have

a bit of trouble

getting through

airport security.

Three bullets.

You're very lucky to be alive.

Although I appreciate

the effort...

I did tell you the conditions.

You still don't believe me?

I'll give you credit

where credits due.

Certainly an ambitious little

theory you got going but...

It's still ridiculous.

It's not possible.

You saw me land on

your cab. Right?

Remember those three bullets

you put in my chest?

People fall of buildings.

People get shot, I

have heard of more

fantastic tales of

survival than that.

It's a curse. I know it is.

Okay...

Let's say for a moment

that it is a curse.

- It is.

- It's not...

but let's f***ing say

that it is.

How do we break it?

I don't know.

Oh Come on...

Come on it's clear you've got

a very vivid imagination.

You seem to know everything

about everything else.

But you got nothing for that?

Tell me what do I have to do?

Okay, a werewolf...

A werewolf will die

with a silver bullet.

Vampire's weakness... garlic!

Superman... Kryptoni-

It's not a comic book.

Look, I'm just trying

to level with you here.

No, I'm trying to understand

where the f*** it is that

you're coming from.

Because from my point of view,

your point of view is a

little f***ing Norma Desmond.

I know it's crazy but...

Look there's... there's no

other explanation for it.

There doesn't need to be an

explanation, sh*t happens,

Get that through

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