The Suicide Theory Page #2

your f***ing head.

There's no such thing as

fate, there's no such thing

as Karma. There's certainly

no f***ing such thing...

as a curse.

Look I don't know how

else to prove it to you.

I thought everything that

happened would speak for itself.

Enough!

Enough playtime.

Okay?

We're both adults here.

The fact of the matter

is that I f***ed up.

We were on a public

train and I rushed it.

I wasn't precise with my shots.

I'm usually more thorough.

And how many times have

you done this before?

So ah...

for this to work...

you need to be happy

when I do it?

Not quite I need to be in...

um... an overall state of mind.

Where I truly and

honestly want to live.

But you said you

don't want to live.

You don't want to live, right?

That's a problem. Well that

makes it next to impossible.

I didn't say it was

going to be easy.

That's why I paid you

as much as I did.

Look...

try and get to know me.

Figure out what makes me tick.

My likes, Dislikes...

Try and figure out something

I do take joy out of.

This isn't the f***ing

make a wish foundation.

I kill people.

You asked for a suggestion.

You're no different to any

of the others you know.

Bullet through your f***ing

brain does exactly the

same thing to you as it

does to everybody else.

Let's just hope so.

I'll see you when I see you.

So how do you feel?

You're lucky to be alive.

Where to?

There.

It's across the road.

So what's with this place.

Couldn't you pick

some place quiet?

Look I've been in isolation for

the better part of a month.

Eating nothing but

hospital food and...

watching daytime television,

excuse me for wanting to

get out of the house.

Does it hurt?

What, this hole in my face

where my eyeball used to be?

You know every time you

try and kill yourself?

You don't want to know.

If you hadn't turned

around I would have

got you right in the

back of the head.

You bagged and tagged in the

morgue right now probably.

Oh probably...

Someone's starting to believe.

Hell of a coincidence, I'll give

you that. It's no coincidence.

All this has happened

for a reason.

Maybe I'm just not

the guy for the job.

I don't know.

I haven't been myself lately.

Out of all the hundreds

of cabs in this town...

I landed on yours.

You'll get the job done.

Thanks.

Ice-cream.

Yeah, why? What's

wrong with ice-cream?

I got a sweet tooth.

Mmm good.

So tell me.

Why do you want to kill

yourself so badly?

Mummy and Daddy, they

didn't love you enough?

No it had nothing to do

with anything like that.

It has everything to do

with anything like that.

How do you expect me to

help you if you don't

give me all the

necessary information?

I mean...

you told me I had to kill you

when you least expected it.

Tried that, didn't work.

Obviously.

Let's get creative here.

No I don't want to

think about it.

When was the last

time you were happy?

- Happy?

- Yeah.

You know the most recent

point in time where...

You didn't feel like

a suicidal maniac.

I don't want to think about

it, it gets me depressed.

It's a little late for

that don't you think?

Lovelorn?

I'm getting warm huh?

That's it.

Lost loved one?

Well done Steven.

What, were you a psychiatrist

before you went into the

business of killing people?

You should have you

own... talk show.

I don't have the

personality for it.

Good, you've done your homework.

At least my money's

not going to waste.

What was her name?

Come on, what was her name?

Chris.

It's a nice name.

I like that name.

Sounds hot.

What was she like?

Oh! Give me something,

what did she look like?

Humph! Ah... 6 foot...

Dimples...

and a HUGE cock.

Did you say a huge cock?

Yeah.

Oh it was a she-male?

Hah No, not a she-male.

He was a man.

You're a fag?

I'm gay.

And...

you f*** guys.

Jesus!

I mean you know it's ah...

It's... yeah... good for you.

As long as you think...

It's alright...

and you're happy...

and the other person's...

Look maybe I'll stop you there.

Okay.

So, what happened?

You want me to kill you or not,

what happened?

He was murdered.

You did it?

No, uh... I'm not like you.

No...

You're not like me.

Certainly not like me.

That's it.

I got it.

- I've got an idea.

- Ooh!

An idea.

Come on, don't

keep me waiting...

I'm on the edge of my seat.

Okay, but before I say anything.

I just want to remind

you that I think

all this is a crock

of sh*t. Clear?

Crystal.

Good.

You ever thought

about dating again?

Well I am human...

I do appreciate companionship.

But... dating...

It just takes so long to

build up a relationship.

Quite frankly I don't want

to live that long.

I'm not talking about a

f***ing relationship.

It's not like "dating" dating.

I'm talking about f***ing.

Steven, look at me.

I look like a pirate.

Who wants to...

do anything with me sexually.

This is the valley.

I'm sure there is...

fags like you everywhere.

Maybe even in this bar.

- Hah.

- What?

What did I say?

What can I get you?

I'll get a draft please.

And whatever he wants.

Dirty martini.

Extra dirty.

Thanks for the drink.

Don't mention it.

What's your name?

- Kim.

- Kim...

I've got this friend who is

really dying to meet you.

Really? Where is he?

He's a great guy.

He's a little bit bashful.

Name's Percival.

Yeah, not really my type.

But you're gay?

Yeah, so?

You've got a cock?

Excuse me?

You've got a cock.

What else do you need?

Look...

He really needs to get laid.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

I know he's not much to look at.

Who the hell do you

think you are?

I'll pay you.

You're sick in the head.

$300

$500 if you seal the deal.

Oh my God.

I paid you to kill me,

not innocent people.

I don't leave witnesses.

Where is he?

I buried him.

Hah.

He was a good person.

You didn't even f***ing know

him. He didn't deserve to die.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm a professional,

no loose ends.

You shot him point

blank in the face.

All you did to me was

smother me with a pillow.

Yeah well I felt bad about

taking your eye out.

Okay?

Didn't want to disfigure you

more than I already have.

He's a good man.

Saw past my face

and he liked me...

for who I was. Made me

feel like I was somebody.

Yeah well, that's what

he was paid to do.

Excuse me?

I paid him to have sex with you.

- Oh, come on.

Really, you going to cry?

Well I'm going home,

call me when you're done.

This isn't a f***ing

game Steven.

My name's Steven.

Nice to meet you Steven.

Not going to tell me your name?

You didn't ask.

It's Jessica.

I see you round here a bit.

Always alone.

So what do you do?

I kill people.

Hah, is there much

money in that?

You any good at your job?

Not lately.

Haven't been laid in a while.

Promise to be good at it?

Wow... ah... I do have to ask...

About the um... eye-patch.

What about it?

Is it for fashion or...

It was an accident.

Oh what happened?

I tripped, fell and lost an eye.

Sh*t!

Must have been one nasty spill.

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