The Sum of Us Page #6

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- It's all that talk about sex, isn't it?

It's got you all worked up.

All right. Three months.

- Joyce.

I can't say I'm the happiest

I've ever been in my life,

but I'm the happiest I can

remember being for a very long time

- Yeah mate, mate,

that's you, that is you.

You can't wear Y-fronts

all your life, mate.

- No, let's just get one

already at the butcher's.

- Yeah. Go with the frozen ones.

Too small.

- What's got into you this year?

- That's twice the size

the one we normally have.

- We don't make enough of Christmas,

That's our trouble. It's the

season of goodwill, family.

It's high time you started

thinking about a family

of your own, find some nice young fellow,

get set up in life.

- It's not that flaming easy.

Doesn't just happen to order.

The choice is a bit more

limited, for one thing.

Maybe some places like San Francisco,

all the blokes wear their

d*cks on their sleeves.

- You ever thought of

going there for a holiday?

- I don't want to live like that, Dad.

I don't want to live in a world

that just begins and ends with being gay.

I like having all sorts of people around.

Kids and old folks, every

sort of person there is.

I don't want to live in a world

without women. I like women.

Me and the girls in the

office get on great.

They know, they don't

care. We laugh about it.

Fancy the same blokes sometimes.

Even fancied a couple of the

girls. Done it with a few

of them to make sure I wasn't

missing out on anything.

- You've done it with girls?

You never told me that.

- Yeah.

I didn't want you to get your hopes up.

- Did you like it?

See what I mean?

- Hey, hey.

Bugger it.

Could you get it up?

- Of course I could. It's not

exactly an obstacle course.

I quite enjoyed it, actually.

Something different.

But they just don't

turn me on like men do.

- Would, would you like to try it again?

No, Dad. Not off the top of my head.

See what I mean about

getting your hopes up?

I like doing it with blokes,

Dad. I don't think that's ever

going to change because I don't

want it to, I don't want to

be limited by others' ideas of

who I am. Yours or anyone else's

- I don't think I've ever

put any limits on you, Jeff.

- I...

Dad, I know.

You've been great, mate.

The best dad in the world, I reckon.

The fairest, that's a certain fact.

I don't often say it, but it's Christmas.

So thanks, mate, for everything.

I mean, you give me the

first-class shits at times,

and I suppose I do you.

But I don't think there's

many got a father like you.

- And I'm a very lucky man

to have a son like you, mate.

What do you reckon?

- How are we going to get the f***er home?

- Magnificent,

just what Christmas should be.

- Tada.

Oh, not her again. I thought

we'd ditch the b*tch.

- Never!

Your mother bought her the

first Christmas of our marriage,

just before you were born.

I suppose some people

might see that as an omen.

- She's looking a bit tacky, Dad.

Why can't we get a nice

star, or something?

- Not as long as I'm alive.

You can do what you like when I'm gone.

Your mother loved her.

- I miss her, Dad.

I miss her like crazy.

- Not half as much as I do, lad.

It's not possible.

- Yeah, mate, I know.

I'm sorry.

- I think about her sometimes.

Sitting on a fluffy white cloud

in a place called paradise.

Surrounded by lots of

fat little naked babies sprouting wings.

And angels playing harps,

making pretty music.

Waiting for me to come along and join her.

It helps, sometimes.

Sometimes it makes it worse.

Sometimes I miss her so much,

I can hardly wait to

hear the pretty music.

- Come on, Dad.

Cheer up, you old

pisshead. Give me a hand.

- Yeah, well, you know.

- You should take a leaf

out of your own book, mate.

I mean, there's bound to be a

few oldwidows floating around.

- There's a few young ones, too.

- But I mean within the

realms of possibility, mate.

Somebody who'll fancy you.

- Would it worry you if there was?

- Hell, no, mate, it'd be great.

- Well, there is.

- What?

You old dog.

How long has this been going on?

- A while.

- You are lower than a

snake's belly, know that?

Not a single word to me about this.

- Now don't go getting all hurt.

I just wanted to be sure.

- Cause for celebration?

- I'll drink to that.

- So, um...

Have you, uh...

Have you stuck it up her yet?

- You dirty bastard!

You have, haven't you?

Is that where you've been

all those night?

- Listen, don't you talk

about Joyce like that,

if you don't mind. She's a

very refined kind of person.

- So is it love then, Dad?

- No.

I mean, I can't honestly say that it is.

But it might be the next best thing.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- So, when's it going to be?

- Well,

we haven't set the big day.

- But you're going to?

- Yeah. I, you know, if

she gets on with you.

- I do not come into this.

Unless you need me to

move out or anything.

- Of course I don't, Jeff.

And nor would Joyce want that.

She knows about you.

- Yeah?

You haven't told her

everything, have you, Dad?

- Well, no. I mean...

- Dad.

- Well look.

Joyce is a very kind

and understanding woman.

You'll love her and she will love you.

And, uh, you know, when things

work out, because they will,

Uh, well, you can stay

here, in your own home,

as long as you like.

Until such time as you want

to move out on your own

or with someone.

- Well I'll be, huh?

- Merry Christmas, son.

- Come here, you old bastard.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

- Joyce.

Happy New year.

- Happy new year, Harry.

- Aren't you going to shut the door?

- Sorry.

- Ah. Is this Jeff?

- Yes.

On his 21st.

- Oh, takes after his dad

in the looks department.

- You reckon?

Some people say they

can't see the resemblance.

- I find that difficult to believe.

Um...

I'm really hanging out for a drink.

- Make yourself at home.

- Yeah.

- Jeff out on the town tonight?

- Too right.

New Year's Eve.

Don't expect him home until the morning.

- Right.

This is really pleasant out here, Harry.

- You sound, uh, surprised.

- Oh, well, you know,

two blokes living together,

you keep it really neat and

tidy.

Ah.

What are these doing here?

- Oh, to be honest, uh, I bought them.

- What?

Why?

- Well, uh, Jeff's, uh...

- Oh.

I see.

Ah.

Why didn't you tell me?

- I was going to. Um, I know I should've.

- You bought these?

You encourage him?

Jesus, you ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

You ought to be ashamed of him!

- I've never been

ashamed of Jeff. Not ever.

How can I be ashamed of

what my seed's become?

What my love's become.

- You couldn't tell me.

I mean, it's probably the most

important thing in your life,

and you couldn't tell me.

- It doesn't change anything.

- Well, it does to me.

All this time I've been thinking

I've been getting to know

you, you've been lying to me.

- I never actually lied.

- It amounts to the same thing.

- Just meet Jeff.

You'll love him.

You'll see.

- Harry, no. I can't.

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