The Super Page #2

He provides affordable housing

for the underprivileged.

- That's it. Perfect!

- Oh.

Cool.

Heather, uh...

Can I ask you a question?

How far did you go in school?

well, when I was

in high school...

I wouldn't even let

a guy touch me, but...

when I got to community college,

I turned pretty wild.

Oh!

[Chuckling]

[Inhales] Anyway, uh, you got nothin'

to worry tomorrow.

The judge will probably give you

a slap on the wrist, or a small fine.

- what about the tenants?

- will you stop about the tenants?

- You don't know.

The tenants are gonna be there.

- Remember.

Once, they used to live in huts.

They used to eat people.

- [Louie Laughing]

- You feel better now?

Come on. Eat. who gives a sh*t

about a few whiny kookaboos?

Therefore, I find the defendant,

Louis Kritski, Junior...

guilty of the charges

brought before this court today.

- Order! Order! Order!

- [Banging Gavel]

Yeah, that's right.

Order! Now, accordingly...

I will impose sentence

at this time.

Mr. Kritski, it's within my prerogative

to sentence you...

- to one year in the county jail.

- [Crowd Cheers]

However...

- I'm not going to do that.

- Huh?

In my opinion, threats of jail won't move you

to bring your building into compliance.

Therefore, I am sentencing you to house arrest

in one of the apartments of your building...

- [Laughter, Clapping]

- For a period of 120 days...

or until the building

is brought up to code...

as required

by the State of New York.

Your Honor, respectfully, I really think

the maximum sentence is what's needed here.

This city must send a message

to slumlords that they can't continue...

Miss Bensinger, I believe that this sentence

will bring results.

As counsel for the Housing Authority,

I expect you to report...

any failure on Mr. Kritski's part to comply

with the directives of this court.

Now, according

to the report I ordered...

Apartment 5C in your building

is vacant, Mr. Kritski...

and is listed by you as a...

Furnished, fifth-floor charmer

with a view, and close to shopping. "

- [Man] what?

- You will move in immediately.

You will reside there,

serving as the building superintendent.

You will be allowed to leave only

to purchase food, for medical emergencies...

and for business related

to the repair of the building.

You may not renovate or alter Apartment 5C

to suit your needs...

until the rest of the apartments in the building

have been brought into compliance.

- [Big Lou] Oh, boy.

- Mr. Kritski, one more thing.

If that building isn't

up to code in 120 days...

- you will go to jail.

- [Cheering, Applauding]

Court adjourned.

You think you're

a hotshot, don't you?

You think you're gonna make yourself a name

down at City Hall?

well, you're not. You know why?

Because I'm gonna get a new lawyer.

A white judge,

and I'm gonna appeal.

- On what grounds?

- On the grounds that you piss me off.

[Louie] I thought you said

this lawyer was the best.

[Big Lou] well, he was the best

in his price range. But don't worry.

Things are gonna work out.

I promise you.

- How could you make plans? what about...

- [Knocking On Door]

No, I'm not going...

Come on in!

I'm not goin' anywhere.

No! My father'll have me out of there.

I'm out of there. No way

I'm goin' to that shithole.

- who are you talkin' to?

- Heather. Tryin' to figure out

where we're goin' tonight.

I'll tell you where you're goin' tonight.

You going to your building to serve your time...

- or else you're going to jail!

- [Screaming]

[Crashing]

- I gotta run. I'll talk to you later.

- Heh?

- Can't you do something?

- Louie. Louie, these things take time.

- You know what that place is like!

- Oh! So you're giving up?

- Is this what I'm hearing?

- No! But I don't even want to stay there one night...

let alone have to live there!

- You know what this is?

- No.

- well, look at it!

- It's your will.

- That's right. who gets all my buildings?

- I do.

- Unless what?

- Unless you change your mind.

Unless I change my mind.

You know what's gonna change my mind?

If you fix one lousy wall in that building...

if you change one lightbulb,

I'm gonna take you out of the will.

I made myself clear, Louie?

- Yeah, Pop.

- All right. Get up.

Come on! Up! Now.

- who are you?

- I'm a Kritski.

You're goddamn right you're a Kritski.

what does a Kritski do when he gets property?

- Nothing.

- Uh-huh.

- And what are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna go down there, I'm not gonna fix anything...

and I'll have those jerks

eatin' out of my hand after one night.

[Laughing]

You're my boy. wonderful.

wonderful.

[Tires Screeching]

[Louie, Narrating]

It's not so bad. [Scoffs]

You know what?

This is gonna be okay.

- [Dog Barking]

- Jesus.

[Barking Continues]

So what? You know what?

This is gonna be like camp.

I'll watch TV, I'll sleep.

I'll hang out with Heather.

Heather's gotta come over.

How bad can it be? I'll have Heather.

[Cats Yowling]

How the hell

am I gonna do this?

Twenty-seven buildings

and millions of dollars...

you can f***in'do this.

[Thunderclap]

- [Alarm Beeping]

- [Chirping]

[Yelling, Indistinct]

[Sighs]

[Man, woman Screaming]

I don't believe this.

I don't believe this.

[Man, woman,

Screaming Obscenities]

[Muttering, Indistinct]

[Man] B*tch! I'll kick your ass

like you're a piece of meat!

You stupid a**hole!

F*** you!

[Creaking]

what the f...

F*** it. At least it's

a roof over my head.

[Thunderclap]

[Man]

Keep it quiet up there, Kritski!

[Exhales]

[Chuckles]

well! At least there's a motif.

wall-to-wall sh*t.

[Chuckles]

Great. The rats have

their own Jacuzzi.

Now I know where they got

the idea for the Roach Motel.

[Squeaking]

[Rattling]

[Softly]

Hey. Oh, God.

Beautiful.

A f***in' sink that farts.

[Gurgling]

[Squishing]

[woman]

Don't touch me. You're crazy!

[Man]

And you're a lyin' b*tch!

[woman] who you callin'a b*tch,

you ugly, one-eyed half-breed?

[Gunshot]

[Glass Shattering]

[Thunder Rumbling]

[Chair Squeaking]

[woman, Man Shouting]

[Thunderclap]

[Shouting, Obscenities Continue]

[Shouting Stops]

[Clattering]

[Fly Buzzing]

[Shuddering]

Oh-h. Sh! God.

[Exhaling]

what are you doin' here?

- Nothin'.

- what do you mean, nothin'?

well, what else does it mean?

Nothing.

- what, are you spyin' on me?

- No.

You casin' this joint,

so the brothers could rob it later?

Yeah. You really got some choice stuff here.

we can't wait to get our hands on it.

- How come you're not in school, kid?

- It's Saturday?

Yeah. Then why aren't you outside

playin' basketball or break dancing?

Go ahead. Get out.

- I'm gone.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- This is in. That's out.

- I'm takin' a shortcut.

Ah, hip stereo.

Thank you.

Don't touch it, please.

This is just an old thing.

- Chill, man. I'm not gonna rip you off.

- I'm not worried about you ripping me off.

I just don't want you touchin' it, that's all.

It's already...

- It's already broke. It probably don't even work.

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