The Super Mario Bros. Movie Page #6

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PEACH:
I don't know where I'm from.

MARIO:
Really?

PEACH:
Yep. My earliest memory is arriving.

(A flashback begins of Peach's arrival in the Mushroom Kingdom as a baby, and her life with the Toads leading to her crowning as Princess.)

PEACH:
I was so lucky they found me. They took me in, raised me like one of their own, and, when I was ready, they made me their princess.

MARIO:
Hey, maybe you're from my world.

PEACH:
There's a huge universe out there...with a lot of galaxies.

[Mario and Peach look at the sky as Toad plays a flute. At Bowser's castle, Luigi is brought to Bowser's throne room by the Snifit.]

SNIFIT:
We found him in the Dark Lands.

[Bowser growls as Luigi yelps in fear.]

BOWSER:
Leave him to me.

(Kamek undoes Luigi's restraints with his magic and forces him to Bowser.)

BOWSER:
What is your name?

LUIGI:
Uh... Luigi. (shudders)

BOWSER:
Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world. (he sharpens the claws on his hands a little in front of Luigi)

LUIGI:
Wow, uh… (chuckles, unenthusiastically) Yay...

BOWSER:
But there's one problem, Luigi: there's a human traveling with my fiancée. Has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him...?

LUIGI:
(stammers) No! No!

BOWSER:
Ah, a tough one, I see. Maybe this will get you to talk. (Pulls on a strand of Luigi's mustache.)

LUIGI:
(sharp gasp, panting, rapidly) Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don't.

[Bowser, angered, pulls out the hair. Luigi yells in pain as Bowser threatens to tear off the mustache next.]

BOWSER:
DO YOU KNOW HIM?!

LUIGI:
Gah! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP! I know him. Yes, I know him. Yeah, he's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world. (starts crying)

BOWSER:
Do princesses find him attractive?!

LUIGI:
They do if they have good taste!

[His patience lost, Bowser furiously rips of half of Luigi's mustache, causing him to scream in pain.]

BOWSER:
Get him outta my sight! (tosses Luigi aside) We'll see how tough this Mario is when he watches me kill his brother!

[Luigi, now trapped in a cage, is dropped down into a dungeon where other prisoners hang suspended over a pool of lava.]

LUIGI:
(screams, pants, whimpers, quavers) Where am I?

[In another cage, a blue star creature, Lumalee, spins the cage around while laughing.]

LUMALEE:
Home.

[The Penguin King sits in yet another cage with two other penguins.]

PENGUIN KING:
Pay him no heed. He is cute, but he is... (cuckoo whistle)

LUMALEE:
In an insane world, it is the sane who is called crazy.

[Lumalee pulls out a pinwheel and blows it. The propeller pops off and floats away.]

LUIGI:
How long you guys been in here?

[Lumalee begins swinging the cage back and forth.]

LUMALEE:
Time, like hope, is an illusion.

PENGUIN KING:
[Annoyed] Please! We are depressed enough!

LUIGI:
There's gotta be a way outta here.

LUMALEE:
There is no escape. The only hope is the sweet relief of death.

[The prisoners moan in agony.]

PENGUIN KING:
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

[Luigi groans as he begins losing hope in escape. Meanwhile, Mario, Peach and Toad arrive outside the doors to the Jungle Kingdom.]

PEACH:
You ready?

MARIO:
Eh...sure?

[Peach knocks the door, and it opens revealing a roaring Sports Coat Kong, causing Mario and Toad to scream in fear, and Peach to lean back.]

TOAD:
(quietly) What?

MARIO:
How you doin'?

PEACH:
We are here to see the king.

(The Sports Coat Kong glares at them before saying...)

SPORTS COAT KONG: Follow me.

MARIO:
That gorilla's wearin' a sports coat.

TOAD:
Feel underdressed. (chuckles)

["Take on Me" by A-ha begins to play, as the Kong prepares his kart]

SPORTS COAT KONG: Hop in.

[Mario and Peach hop on behind him, while a tiny side car for Toad pops out behind the kart. Just as Toad gets on, he races off through the Jungle Kingdom. As they pass through the square, the Sports Coat Kong eats a banana and discards the peel behind him, causing another Kong to lose control of his kart and crash it, causing an explosion. The drive carries on as the Sports Coat Kong drifts through a turn, and Peach grabs Mario, who in turn grabs Toad when they begin to fly off. They drive off a ramp, and the Sports Coat Kong deploys a Super Glider to glide into the palace, throwing the three off before departing. Inside, Kong soldiers line the hallway leading to the throne of Cranky Kong.]

CRANKY KONG:
Oh, by all means, come in.

[The guards tap their weapons in unison. The trio walks towards the throne.]

PEACH:
[takes a bow] Great and mighty Cranky Kong...

CRANKY KONG:
So, I heard you want my army.

PEACH:
Yes, your Highness. Without your help, the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated.

CRANKY KONG:
What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the woooorld?

[The guards tap their weapons in unison again.]

PEACH:
Because we have heart. And with your strength... we can win.

CRANKY KONG:
Okay, fine.

PEACH:
That's it?

CRANKY KONG:
No, that's not it. The answer is no. Goodbye.

PEACH:
If the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next!

MARIO:
We're not leavin'... without YOUR ARMY!

CRANKY KONG:
(beat, laughs) Who is this guy? Oh, he makes me laugh! (laughs) All right, tough guy... You want my army so badly? Defeat my son, in the Great Ring of Koooong!

[The guards tap their weapons in unison once more.]

PEACH:
Give us a second. (pulls Mario aside, whispers) This is a really, really bad idea!

MARIO:
(whispering) Well, do you have another way to save my brother?

[Cranky Kong steps in between them.]

CRANKY KONG:
Are you two done whispering? It's a little rude.

MARIO:
You, sir, have a deal. I'll fight your son and WIN!

CRANKY KONG:
I'm sure you will. (laughs)

[Cranky Kong is lifted onto a motorcycle by his guards and drives off as Mario glares at him. Soon, he walks through a dark corridor, leading into the Great Ring of Kong. The spectating Kongs boo at Mario's presence. On the other side of the arena, Mario's opponent, Donkey Kong appears, earning the crowd's adoration as the DK Rap plays.]

DONKEY KONG:
(rhythmically) I'm DK! I'm Donkey Kong!

FANGIRL KONG:
YEAH! WE LOVE YOU!

DONKEY KONG:
Oh, yeah! (waving to Cranky Kong) Hi, Dad! Hi!

CRANKY KONG:
(embarrassed) No, don't... Don't do that!

DONKEY KONG:
(dancing) Dad, wave back.

CRANKY KONG:
Enough with the showboating!

DONKEY KONG:
What do you mean?! They like it! It's what they came here for! Dancing pecs!

CRANKY KONG:
Okay, simmer down. (The crowd continues to chant) I said, "SIMMER DOWN!"

[The entire crowd - except one - falls silent.]

DIDDY KONG:
DK! DK! DK!

CRANKY KONG:
That means you, Diddy Kong!

DIDDY KONG:
D-- Sorry.

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