The Sure Thing Page #4

It gets lonely on the road.

I know. I can't wait to get to California

to see my boyfriend.

I got my CB. But that's not real talk.

- lt's not a real person, just a voice.

- Let's see if l...

You never get to know what they look like,

or who they are.

...by Thursday night,

or Friday morning at the latest.

You look nice.

Why are we stopping here?

What are we doing?

It gets lonely on the road.

- Don't touch me!

- Don't be scared.

- I wouldn't hurt you.

- Don't!

Thanks for the ride.

I've been out here all day.

Am I interrupting anything?

Me and the wife

are just having a little squabble.

It's not easy getting rides, you know?

Most people are afraid

to pick up hitchhikers.

You never know who you might pick up.

I mean, I could be some crazed slimeball.

I mean, a real deranged, violent psycho.

You know what I mean?

I mean, a guy

who would rip your heart out...

and eat it, just for pleasure!

I'm talking about a total maniac!

Do you know what I mean?

Why aren't we moving?

Don't you want to give me a ride?

- I'm only going about another mile.

- Then what the hell did you pick me up for?

You think I got nothing better to do

with my life...

than to sit here

and to pass the time with you?

Shitbrain!

I don't think I want this ride after all.

And I think I'll take your wife,

if you don't mind.

- Sh*t.

- The luggage!

Gib, are you okay?

Told you you shouldn't have taken that ride.

- That's because you know everything, right?

- That's right.

Then you should also know

that you make it virtually impossible...

for anyone to be grateful

for anything nice you might have done.

I'm sorry, okay?

- Yeah.

- You okay?

Why did you get on the back of that truck?

Because I'm the kind of guy

that likes to live on the edge.

I just want to get on that bus,

and tilt the seat back...

and fall asleep, and wake up in California.

Check out those guys.

Wonder what they majored in.

- Where to?

- Los Angeles.

That'll be $89.50.

- Bus number 33, now boarding outside.

- Thank you.

- Where to?

- Nowhere. Just browsing.

Tell me, those guys over there?

Do they sleep here all night?

Come on, I want to get a good seat.

Where to?

Where's your ticket?

I've been thinking it over. I'm gonna hitch.

The way I see it,

I'm not getting any younger.

This could be my last chance to see

the real America, really relate to the people.

Loan me $1.

Change a $5?

- How much money do you have?

- That's $1.

- I got money.

- That's $2.

- How much?

- Enough.

- Can you loan me $1.23?

- Sure.

How much do you got there?

$18.77.

How did you expect to get to California

on $18.77?

I'll get by.

I have $20. You can have $50.

- I can't take that.

- You can. Come on.

You can pay me back

after Christmas. Take it.

- I won't forget this.

- You will. But I'll remind you.

Last call for bus number 33,

leaving for St. Louis...

Tulsa, Oklahoma City, Albuquerque,

Tucson and Los Angeles.

There's your bus. You better hurry.

Are you sure you'll be okay?

Don't you worry about me.

You go have a good trip.

- See you.

- 'Bye.

Back. Give Hercules some room.

Hercules stands no chance

against the sea monster.

Anything good on?

- Your bus just left.

- I know.

Why weren't you on it?

I'm the kind of gal

who likes to live on the edge.

We're gonna have to use a towel, here.

This could get very messy,

if you don't know what you're doing.

This is called shotgunning beer.

It's an ancient tribal custom.

Originated in Southeast Asia, I believe.

Take the beer.

Poke a hole in it, as I will do now...

using any household appliance.

I'm using a pen.

Make it just big enough

to fit your mouth over it.

Eighty-six the pen, and then in one swift...

Now listen to me, it's very important.

In one swift, deft motion,

you're gonna take it...

pull it up, and then release the cork.

Not the cork, this thing...

and all the beer will slide down

to your throat in two seconds.

- Now wait. Are you sure you're ready?

- I'm ready.

For all you kids watching,

this is very dangerous.

Let's not try this at home, all right?

- Sure you're ready?

- I can't believe I'm doing this.

- lt's good for you.

- Mom, forgive me.

Swallow, swallow!

"Danger, Will Robinson!"

- Definite shotgun potential.

- But it went up my nose.

For a beginner,

it's amazing what you just did.

Really nice.

Really?

I just remembered, I got to check something.

Listen, tonight I'll sleep on the floor.

- I don't think so.

- I don't want any arguments from you.

I mean, it's only fair.

Last night, I slept on the bed...

Jason, I don't think so. It's gonna take me

a bit longer than I anticipated.

Today's the 19th. Better not expect me...

till the 22nd or 23rd, at the earliest.

Everything's fine. Really.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Promise.

I miss you, Jason.

I've got this great big bed,

and no one to share it with.

- What are you doing?

- I'm going for a walk.

- lt's almost midnight.

- lt's too stuffy in here.

I'm here.

Are you 21?

Okay, Dr. Levinson, what'll it be?

Double bourbon and a beer chaser.

Come on, Giblet, one more time.

I can't. Tomorrow, I promise.

It was so good.

It was so masterful. Relentless...

but with a delicate touch.

Confident. Creative.

I was overwhelmed.

You're a true artist.

Just let me sleep awhile, regain my strength.

Five minutes. A grace period, if you will.

Please.

What the heck.

Howdy.

- Mind if I sit here?

- Sure, buddy, go ahead.

Thank you kindly.

- Two beers.

- And another double bourbon.

I got one of them sweepstakes flyers

in the mail today...

and I can't figure

if it's worth the effort to send it in.

You think I should bother?

Probably not.

She says she's from Paris.

I don't believe that.

Paris women...

don't give you a hard time, like they do here.

To a Paris woman, sex is an art.

I was in Paris once, with my wife.

Boy, am I glad she's dead.

One tequila eggnog.

I had fried food again for lunch today.

I know I shouldn't have had it...

but I couldn't help myself.

You think I lack self-discipline?

What's wrong with me?

I'm a good-looking guy.

You are a good-looking guy.

And I'm a good-looking guy.

- You are.

- I am.

We're all three good-looking guys.

That's right. We are.

And it's Christmastime,

and I'm gonna buy you a drink.

- What are you drinking?

- Something light.

- What, like a nice Chablis?

- A spritzer.

Barkeep, give this man a trough of spritzer.

And you, cowboy guy,

what do you want to drink?

- I'll have a beer.

- Get cowboy guy a beer.

It's on me tonight. Drinks are on me.

They're on me.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Jack Frost nipping at your nose

Yuletide carols being sung by a choir

and folks dressed up like Eskimos

Everybody knows

that turkey and some mistletoe

Where've you been?

This guy, Jason...

may be a real brain and all,

but can he do this?

Don't worry, Mom, I'll take the garbage out

in the morning, I promise.

Chestnuts roasting on the fire

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