The Sure Thing Page #3

It's 80 degrees outside.

My roommate's got this beach house

in Malibu.

I can't afford the flight.

Listen. Can you hear that?

Hear that?

Those are waves calling out to you.

They're beckoning.

- "Come to California."

- lt's too sunny out there.

There's a certain someone

I want you to meet.

Forget it.

She's a very special person.

I can't deal with striking out on both coasts.

You're not gonna strike out.

She was released from parochial school.

She's in her experimental phase.

Will you forget it?

- She loves sex.

- What does she look like?

You remember that last snapshot

I sent you?

The blonde in the string bikini? Get it.

- I can't right now.

- That's an order, Private Gibson.

Excuse me.

That's new.

- Yeah.

- You got it?

- Yeah.

- Good. Now look at it.

Fixate on it.

- Are you fixating on it?

- I'm fixating.

- Are you sitting down?

- Yes.

She's a sure thing.

A sure thing.

I don't need to explain

the deep significance of those words.

I told her all about you,

and she's dying to meet you.

But you gotta drag your ass out here

by the 22nd...

because she's leaving the next day

for a semester at sea.

So, think you can make it?

- Are you Gib?

- Yeah.

Hi, welcome aboard.

- I'm Mary Ann Webster.

- And I'm Gary Cooper.

But not the Gary Cooper that's dead.

Hop in.

- Alison, this is Gib.

- And Gib, this is Alison.

I knew I should've taken the bus.

What, and wind up

sitting next to some sleazebag?

Some sleazebag you don't know?

- You two know each other.

- We're old friends.

We're not old friends. We're acquaintances.

Very distant acquaintances.

Kids, come on.

Let's make this a fun trip, okay?

- You guys know any show tunes?

- That's a great idea.

When the moon is in the Seventh House

And Jupiter aligns with Mars

Then peace will guide the planets

And love will steer the stars

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius

The age of Aquarius!

Button up your overcoat

when the wind is free

Take good care of yourself

you belong to me!

Come on, everybody.

Eat an apple every day, get to bed by 3:00

Take good care of yourself

you belong to me!

Do the "ooh-ooh's."

Be careful crossing streets

Don't eat meats

Cut out sweets

You'll get a pain and ruin your tum-tum

I never met anyone like you before.

Usually, when I meet someone new...

I feel awkward and shy.

But with you it's different.

I feel I can talk to you.

You know what I'm thinking, without me

having to explain it to you in fancy terms.

We speak each other's

unspoken language fluently.

Before you go any further, let's be honest.

You want it. I want it.

You know I want it.

You don't have to bullshit me to get it.

And even if you do bullshit me,

you still get it.

Wear your flannel underwear

when you climb a tree

Take good care of yourself,

you belong to me

Honey, what's the matter?

You're not singing.

I'm not gonna sing

if they're not gonna join in.

- Come on, honey-

- No, they're ruining it for everyone.

What do you think you're doing?

- I'm going to bed.

- Not with me, you're not.

I'm not going to bed with you.

I'm going to bed

in a bed that you happen to be in, also.

I won't try anything, I swear.

Trust me.

You are sleeping on the floor.

I worked out a schedule.

- lt's not my schedule.

- lt's both of ours.

They never shut up.

What does she see in him?

It's a twisted relationship.

- You want to sleep in the bed?

- I do.

Fine, I'll sleep on the floor.

You don't have to sleep on the floor.

- Do you intend to sleep in the bed?

- I do.

Then I intend to sleep on the floor.

Good night.

- Great breakfast.

- Protein, good for you.

Cheese balls, anyone? Gary? They're good.

- Cheese balls?

- No, thank you.

You would think that was funny.

As a matter of fact, I think that's hysterical.

I think it's a scream. An absolute laugh riot.

- What the hell's the matter with it?

- lt's stupid.

Everything's stupid with you.

All right. It is stupid. What's wrong

with being stupid once in a while?

Does everything you do

always have to be sensible?

Gary, they're at it again.

Haven't you ever thrown water balloons

off the roof?

Didn't you ever sprinkle lvory Flakes

on the floor...

because you wanted it to snow in July?

Didn't you ever get really shitfaced,

and make a complete fool out of yourself...

and still have an excellent time?

Gary, do something.

Don't you feel great when

you do something totally spontaneous?

Something totally off the wall?

Spontaneity has its time and its place.

Alison, do you know what you are?

- You're repressed.

- I'm not repressed.

You are.

- I can be as spontaneous as anyone.

- Prove it.

What do you want me to do?

- I don't have to prove anything to you.

- You can't. You're repressed.

You don't have to be stupid

to be spontaneous.

- Repressed.

- ls that spontaneous?

- Sticking your butt out of a car?

- Repressed!

Face it, you're repressed.

You want spontaneity?

- I'll give you spontaneity!

- Repressed!

I'll give you... Watch this!

You guys!

What in Sam Hill?

Twist and shout!

Come to mama, boys!

Oh, dang!

I'm getting a hive.

"lndecent exposure."

"Driving so as to endanger."

"Driving with a load

not properly tied down."

- Here.

- Thank you, Officer. I'm very sorry.

What the hell are you doing?

- Lock the doors.

- Let's be reasonable, Gary!

You can't do this! You can't leave us here!

You can't. Gary, please!

- I'm pleading.

- Lock the doors!

I'll do anything!

I'll sing show tunes!

Feelings, nothing more than feelings

Trying to forget my feelings

Feelings of love!

They'll be back.

Just a little mad.

There's a town up ahead.

I saw a sign. We can hitch.

Where you going?

We're in the middle of nowhere, cold,

there's no cars! You stay and hitch.

- You gonna walk? t's almost 20 miles.

- And don't follow me!

Fried pork rinds, anyone?

This doesn't change anything, okay?

Suit yourself.

You know, junk food really doesn't deserve

the bad rap it gets.

Take these fried pork rinds.

This particular brand

has one percent of the RDA...

that's "recommended daily allowance,"

of riboflavin.

You ever noticed

there's three kinds of junk food?

There's your starchy, fried, greasy type...

Listen, I appreciate the food.

But I'm not in the mood...

to listen to any more

of your scientific observations.

You didn't have to come over here

and sit down.

You're right. I didn't.

Want a ride?

I wouldn't take that ride, if I were you.

You're not me.

Hello!

- How far are you going?

- Los Angeles.

Los Angeles is a long way

for a little girl like you to be going.

This thing's like an old woman.

You've got to kick her to get her in gear.

I got up at 6:
00 this morning,

and I've been driving ever since.

You're the first person I've talked to all day.

Wish I could say that.

I hope he gets a ride, but some people

just don't know when to put a lid on it.

A day like this, you get to thinking

you're the only person on Earth.

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