The Survivors

- Mr. Quinelle.

- Morning, Betty.

Mr. Stoddard wants to see you.

- Me?

- You can go right in.

Mr. Stoddard?

Mr. Stoddard, sir?

Mr. Stoddard?

Quinelle!

Good morning, Donald.

You have been a valuable asset

to this company.

So this is not easy for me to say.

You're fired.

Mr. Stoddard, you can come out now

and have your laugh. Mr. Stoddard?

Do you have a peanut or a cracker?

No, zip.

No.

Betty?

There's a parrot in there.

I got fired by a parrot.

Wow, that's wonderful.

I didn't know the old man had

a sense of humour. Where is he?

He's gone during reorganization.

- Reorganization?

- We'll miss you, Mr. Quinelle.

Your final check.

You can use the company car...

...until the end of the month.

Come on, a bird can't fire me,

I'm upper management.

They can't fire me.

Yes, he can.

Could you get him on the phone?

- I'm not to bother him.

- Get him on the phone.

- I can't.

- Get him on the phone, Betty.

I've worked here eight years...

- Don't make me use it.

- You're overreacting.

I'm sick of everyone griping.

No one cares...

...how Mr. Stoddard feels.

- How does he feel?

- He's got an ulcer.

- I'd be upset too.

Each person he fires

is a nail in his coffin.

You don't how hard he worked

to teach the bird.

Why not have it

take a dump on me?

You'd rather get a cold,

inhuman printout?

I hope you don't mind me saying this,

but you're an ungrateful turd.

Twelve years of doing business

doesn't mean anything?

You can close me up, just like that?

You're not closing me up.

You're just cutting deliveries.

I'm a gas station. What will my

customers do? Push their cars in?

I know all about free enterprise

and the American way.

I fought a war for all that.

What war? The big one: Korea.

Well, it was big to me.

They put you on hold as

soon as they don't want you.

Hello? Hello?

Excuse me, it's my first time here.

Where do you get a blue card?

Blue car?

- Card.

- Card.

Yes, sir.

My green card I leave

in my other pants.

You don't speak...

I'd better help you, I think...

I love America.

Isn't it?

Thank you. Thank you.

Excuse me, I just have one question.

Do you mind if I hop in line?

No. Do you mind if I bite off

your nose and stick it up your ass?

I have told you, Mr. Paluso,

why you're not eligible.

I paid into unemployment...

...for the 12 years that I owned

the station. So I...

An owner cannot be unemployed.

Only an employee can be unemployed.

I do not make the rules.

Since I paid that money and

nobody's collected, why...?

I'm terribly, terribly, terribly,

unable to help you.

Who else can I talk to?

Your supervisor or the assistant?

You may get a form in line " C"

and take it to window " F"...

I won't stand in any more lines.

I've stood on line since 8 a. m.

Six hours it took me

just to see you.

I'll sit here until someone

who can help me shows up.

- I ask you politely to leave.

- You can't treat people like cattle.

Excuse me.

- For the last time, leave.

- No.

I'm not going until I get

a logical answer.

What the hell? Jesus! Goddamn it!

Next.

More coffee, hon?

Alrighty.

Could you cut that out

or go someplace else?

Excuse me?

The moaning, the noises.

The moaning noises you're making.

It's getting to me.

I don't know who you hear moaning,

pal, but I don't moan.

Must have been somebody else.

- I'm not a moaner.

- Forget it.

Yeah.

It wasn't a moan.

I was just clearing my throat.

I was just, I was...

A person can clear his throat.

I'm not the most sensitive guy,

but I can see you've got some trouble.

It would help you

to unload it on somebody.

So if you want to talk,

go someplace else, okay?

Check.

What's wrong with people

in the world?

Today, the head of a major corporation

had a parrot fire me.

A woman I know pulled a gun on me.

And another woman I don't even know...

...threatened to bite off my nose

and stick it up my ass.

Now I'm accused of moaning.

All right, everybody freeze.

Everybody! Everybody!

Don't be jiving with my ass.

Y'all, get out of the booth. Now!

You, get off the table. Get up here.

What's wrong with you,

you honky mother?

Get the lead out of your ass

and get up here.

Whoa, where was you going?

Think you're going to the police?

No, you take your clothes off.

Everybody, get your clothes off.

Get your clothes off.

Get out here and get them clothes off.

Get on out there and get to shucking.

Sh*t, you ain't got no money.

What did they pay you in, food stamps?

You should be robbing me.

You're slower than molasses.

I told you get them clothes off.

I promise I won't chase you,

just let me keep my pants on.

I'll be a rock,

standing here with my pants on.

With the what?

Let me talk to you. Let me talk.

Well, do it, man. What?

I'm a divorced man,

and I let the laundry pile up.

- So I'm not wearing any underwear.

- I don't care!

Just get your honky ass undressed.

Please, give the guy a break.

He's not wearing any underwear.

- Some people aren't gifted.

- Shut your damn mouth.

Okay, I'll take it off.

Don't get so excited.

Get at it! Come on.

I won't watch this man dangle

for your delight.

You can take our wallets,

but you can't take our dignity.

I'll tell you what.

While your britches are down...

...why don't you bend over

and kiss your ass goodbye!

You hear that? Let it go!

Let go of my damn gun.

I'm gonna blow your ass off.

Look what you've done.

I've been shot.

I'm bleeding, aren't I?

Oh, that's a major gash.

I couldn't die in a good restaurant.

No, my last meal had to be a chilidog.

You won't die.

They always say that to people

who are dying, don't they?

Did you see the gunman?

Did you see what he looked like?

He looked familiar.

You look familiar too.

You I've never seen.

I never thought I'd be engaged

to a man with a bullet wound.

I think it's very '80s...

...very sexy in a way.

I'll live. Press that button.

I have a surprise for you.

- What button?

- That one right there.

- Whoa, watch out.

- Donald...

- Look:
Up scope.

- Okay.

Look, Mr. Weasel rising from the dead.

- Donald. Donald!

- What? Sonny.

- I don't want to break up your fun.

- Are you kidding? Come on in here.

Sonny Paluso, I'd like you to meet

my wife to be, Doreen Ryan.

- Honey, Sonny.

- What you did was really brave.

It was one of those crazy things.

I just came by to see

how you were feeling.

Besides the ventilation, fine.

I came by to apologize.

If not for me, you wouldn't be shot.

- Come on.

- You wouldn't be here.

- I mean it...

- I do too.

Sometimes you need some sense

knocked into you. Some mondo reality.

We spend so much time pursuing

that almighty dollar...

...that we can forget

what matters most.

Like people you love. Health.

God.

Those are three of the big ones,

all right.

When they brought me in here,

I lost a lot of blood.

You'll think I'm in bozo city, but...

No, go ahead. What?

As I felt my life ebbing away,

just for an instant...

...I saw God's face.

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