The Survivors Page #2

- You wanna know what God looks like?

- Who wouldn't?

I couldn't make it out too clearly,

because there was...

...this bright glow.

He had this white cloud

all around him.

Finally I could make out a head.

He has a large head.

Sure, he's God.

Then finally the cloud disappeared...

...and I heard this voice say...

Holy sh*t! Jeez, that's us.

Ordinary citizens putting up

their dukes and slugging it out.

Indeed, shooting it out

with violent criminals.

That's heroism. Or is it?

This station manager thinks...

...it is reckless

and potentially fatal stupidity.

What?

Jeopardizing the lives

of innocent people...

...is an act of hotshots, not heroes.

Hotshots?

Criminals must be stopped,

but by our capable police force...

...not hotshots armed only

with dumb luck.

Dumb luck?

This is a Channel 6 Editorial.

Opposing viewpoints welcome.

Opposing viewpoints?

Here's your opposing viewpoint,

you video dipshit.

Take it easy, Donald.

He hardly ever acts like this.

"Take it easy"? He made idiots of us.

I am sure no one who matters

watches the 5:
00 news.

Forget it.

He was doing his job.

We should go down there

and give a rebuttal.

I think it's mandatory.

He's got a right to his opinion.

Besides, I think the holdup guy...

...knows that I saw his face.

Yeah, I know he knows that.

What, are you afraid?

Yes.

All right, I won't get involved.

That's fine.

Great movies all this week on

Channel 6. Monday, Billy Jack...

Good evening, baby.

Hi, Poppy. How'd it go? Did you

find a new place for the station?

No, not yet.

It shouldn't be too hard

to rebuild the old one.

I didn't exactly tell you the truth

about my relocating, Candice.

I didn't want you to worry.

- It worked. I wasn't worried at all.

- You're old enough for the truth.

Just remember that things

always happen for the best, okay?

Now I'm worried.

I didn't say anything for you

to be worried about.

The last time you said

"Things always happen for the best"...

...you and Mom were getting a divorce.

So what's the terrific news this time?

Well, the truth of it is that...

What's this? PBS?

PBS, I'm sure. No, it's a cassette.

When The West Was Wet.

Who gave you this?

I went by the video arcade,

over by the laundromat...

...and they were playing these...

This guy was playing Cosmic Attack

while waiting for his shirts.

We talked and stuff...

And stuff?

Dad, cut me some slack.

He's a nice guy.

Nice guy?

Nice guys don't give

It was a tape, if you don't know.

Don't go near arcades,

don't even go near laundromats.

You're 16 years old.

You don't know the first thing

about life, about...

- I mean the near robbery

of the Pitstop Diner...

...about a week ago,

give or take a day.

- Oh, my God.

- What? What?

He said, "Hotshots with dumb luck

have no business handling crime. "

Who is that guy?

We're not hotshots,

we're non-victims.

I know it's the police's job

to stop crime...

...but it's everyone's right to

protect himself, be he male or female.

Be he male or... Redundancy

is odd, but we have that right.

He's a brain.

Why is there crime?

I think the root cause is criminals.

In crime, there must be

Criminals and B:
Victims.

Or B:
Victims, A: Criminals.

Without victims,

there's no criminals.

Unless criminals preyed

on other criminals, ad infinitum.

But I digress.

I'm speaking for myself,

not for Sonny Paluso, my compatriot.

- When I say I disagree...

- My God. He mentioned my name.

How would Mr. Van Dussen feel

if he had to undress at gunpoint...

...and wore no underwear,

like my poor friend, Sonny.

It's my opinion,

not Mr. Paluso's...

Directory Assistance.

A listing for Sonny Paluso

in either Brooklyn or Queens.

- How are you spelling that?

- P-A-L-U-S-O, Paluso.

- U-S-O?

- I guess. I'm not sure.

- I've got an S. Paluso.

- That's it.

What's the address?

- He said my name on television.

- Congratulations.

- I'm not a hero. I'm not a hotshot.

I just believe in life, liberty...

...and the pursuit of happiness

to the best of my ability.

Good night, and have

a pleasant tomorrow.

Hey, I'm really sorry to wake you...

...but I never kill a man

in his sleep.

This is one of those

very lifelike dreams...

...and I'm in the dream

knowing it's a dream.

I have to wake up and turn on

the light. I'll wake up and...

Sorry. Very sorry.

Nice explanation, though.

You don't want to kill me.

No, not particularly.

I hadn't planned to kill you.

But your friend on TV

was running his big mouth...

...turning this into a circus. That

pressures the cops to get involved.

You two I.D. me, the police arrest me,

stick a fork in my ass, and I'm done.

I told him not to go on TV.

Think you were upset? I was upset.

I called him immediately.

I told him he was no friend of mine.

I hire this out

to kill people, right?

And I'm responsible for a lot

of big murders. Unsolved murders.

Remember a certain labour leader

that just disappeared?

Jimmy Hoffa?

I'm not bragging,

but I had a good living...

...until the economy

went in the toilet.

Everybody wants to bargain,

even the rich dudes.

They want me to give them a deal,

but I don't make deals.

I know what you mean.

I was raised a very strict

southern Baptist.

I place a high value on human life:

$20,000 minimum.

It's very fair.

You think I wasn't embarrassed

stooping to armed robbery?

Using that phony accent in that caf?

I've never been called

a " honky mo'fo" before.

I had to be somebody, and we blame

everything on blacks anyway.

- Sure.

- So I'm a putz.

A putz?

When I told you I wasn't

wearing underwear...

...and you pointed that gun at me,

I felt like a putz too.

You didn't want to strip, eh?

The place was too crowded, wasn't it?

I better get home. If I'm gone

long, the old lady gets mad.

- You want some coffee before you go?

- No, that caffeine makes me quick.

If you don't mind, I would like to use

your pillow. Muffle the gunshot.

- You're still gonna kill me?

- It's business, and I got a family.

I got a family too.

Their pictures are on the wall.

- Is that your daughter?

- Yeah.

Looks like my oldest daughter.

She's a very sweet girl.

Hey, is that who I think that is?

- Is that Trini Lopez there?

- That's right, that's Trini.

That's me and his chauffeur.

They came in for gasoline

and new wipers.

" Lemon Tree. " Remember that?

He made a record of that song.

- Yeah, the record.

- What's that Spanish writing there?

"Gasolina. "

Or "Gracias por la gasolina. "

What does gracias...?

"Thanks for pouring the gas. "

- That's it.

- Writes funny, don't it?

Yes.

Back to business.

- Who is it?

- I don't know, I swear to God.

- I don't know.

- Come on, move.

I don't know who that is.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Okay, okay, I'm coming.

- Is Sonny here?

- You're the guy from the news.

- Yes, I'm Don Quinelle.

- Hi, come in.

- He's upstairs.

- He must have seen me on the news...

...he left a message

on my machine with carnal verbs.

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