The Swan Princess: Princess Tomorrow, Pirate Today!

1

No.

-Meat.

-Meat.

Meat. Meat.

Meat!

Meat.

That was close.

Meat!

You've been chasing ghosts again.

It was different this time, Nums.

What? Where's the baa-baa?

You ate the whole thing?

-He didn't eat it.

-Who then? You? You?

-Let me smell your breath.

-Fool!

There was no baa-baa!

It was just a sound, like all the rest.

But we saw this one, Nums.

Oh, really? What color was it? How tall?

There are no more meat things.

We ate them all!

Which is something I warned you all about.

And now they're gone, aren't they?

-Then what makes those sounds?

-What makes the grass move?

Ghosts. Ghosts of the meat things

we've eaten before.

They haunt us.

There are no more...

Say it, Nums.

No more baa-baas!

-Baa-baas!

-No more cockle-doos!

-Cockle-doos!

-No more snort-snorts or moo-moos!

Snort-snorts. Moo-moos.

No more meat, all extinct

Look what we've done

Used to eat fleshy treats

Now we have none

Cockle-doos, all are through

No more moo-moos

Can't get by, losing my mind

What can we do

You see, look at us.

This is why

we don't say "moo-moos" or "cockle-doos"!

Or "pink bellies"?

Yes, pink bellies.

-Pink bellies!

-Ten fleshy fingers.

And ten fleshy toes.

Tender necks, tasty tummies, meaty legs...

Meaty, tasty pink bellies!

Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!

But maybe someday...

Someday soon.

-Bye!

-Goodbye!

-We love you, Alise!

-I love you, too!

It's okay, Queen Uberta.

They'll be back by summer's end.

Yes!

I don't get it.

Derek and Odette are going to

spend the whole summer helping people?

Papa says that's what

being a real prince is all about.

What a hippie.

I'm gonna miss them.

So, what's first? Build a fort? Play tag?

Not tag.

I'm sorry, Alise,

but General Puffin has a castle to guard.

-As you were.

-I wish.

Bad cannon!

Well done, Bridgit.

Now we've got everything we need

for Sailor Boot Camp!

Sailor Boot Camp!

Alise will be the perfect student.

And to think

I've got her to myself all summer!

I can't wait to begin!

But before Alise arrives,

a quick review of my sailor proverbs.

"To find a new world, or your way home,

"a sailor must know the stars by heart!"

Stars by heart!

A sailor must also know his ropes.

"You may break your ship on a reef

"if you raise the lugsail

when you mean to raise the mainsail."

Know your ropes!

Know your ropes!

"To avoid becoming a castaway,

"never tie a knot insufficient to the task."

Let Sailor Boot Camp begin!

Let Sailor Boot Camp begin!

"Parrots are optional."

Parrots are... Hey!

You may call for Alise.

Alise!

Will you come to my chamber please?

What is she up to?

Princess Boot Camp!

No, Alise! It's a trap!

I'm afraid, Alise will have to miss your

"Life on a Poop Deck" lecture series.

Sailor Boot Camp! How did you know?

She-devil.

Thief!

Says the man who wants to

turn my grand-daughter into a pirate!

"A pirate"? Me?

Let Princess Boot Camp begin.

A "pirate" she calls me.

-"Pirate" she calls me!

-Do you ever say anything original?

Do you ever say...

Chamberlain! No! Chamberlain, wait!

I'm sorry, Queen's orders.

Chamberlain, I demand

that you open this door!

-Uberta!

-Uberta!

Alise, darling! No, no, no, no.

I thought you said pinky out.

Out, yes. Straight as a dagger, no, no.

Yes!

I think my pinky

doesn't want me to be a princess.

It must learn to do its duty

like every other bone in your body.

Granmum, I was, kind of, thinking about

going swimming today?

No, no, no, no, dear!

No swimming,

no leaving my wing of the castle

until you've been properly trained.

Today, after pinky positioning,

it's on to proper curtsy technique.

-Hi, guys.

-Coming for a dip?

Yeah, in six weeks maybe.

Six weeks? How many curtsies can a girl do?

Millions, I guess.

Then, it's proper vowel pronunciation,

followed by posture training!

What's next, Chinese water torture?

-Out!

-Incoming!

Geronimo!

Sometimes she gives us royals a bad name.

Now, where were we?

How dare you call me a pirate?

So be it!

It'll take a pirate to save this young lassie

from a fate worse than Davy Jones' Locker!

Not if I make shark bait of ye first, ye seadog!

If you've noticed,

me timbers ain't shivering, ye landlubber!

Try me, ye scurvy mutt!

-Don't tempt me, ye...

-Scallywag!

Thank you. You scallywag!

Alise needs adventure!

She'll get all the adventure she can handle

with a tight corset

and a pair of ill-fitting shoes!

-Have you tested it yet?

-Thought I'd let you.

A word, Captain Brodie.

Here comes quality control.

At ease. No need to salute.

We know.

Well, as Secretary of Safety and Surveillance,

I have to ask, where are the improvements

to castle security?

-Well, I...

-Well, you said your master trap-makers

would add an extra layer of defense here.

-Yes, and...

-But all I see, quite frankly, are...

Yes, well, I suppose that will do in a pinch.

-All right!

-General Puffin!

You have allowed Alise to escape the castle!

"Escape," ma'am?

You're good.

You will bring her back to my wing,

and then, you will direct our furry friends

to guard the doors

until Princess Boot Camp is complete!

Queen Uberta...

I thought our job was to keep bad guys out,

not good girls in.

Or not.

Puffin, tell them to put me down.

I'm sorry, Alise. Orders from your granmum.

But, Puffin,

I don't wanna be a princess-princess.

I wanna be a modern princess.

My wings are tied, my young friend.

Trapped in a castle for six weeks.

-It's horrible.

-That's nothing!

Imagine being trapped

inside a frog's body your whole life.

It disgusts me!

Okay, I'm a little slimy maybe, but...

If Derek and Odette were here,

they wouldn't allow this!

And neither will I!

Are you suggesting...

We break her out!

But Puffin and his army of

flying brown skunks will just put her back in.

Not if they couldn't find her.

You okay?

It used to take all day

to get my taters to market.

No problem.

Now I'll be able

to cross the canyon in five minutes!

It's good for all of us.

And to think the Prince and Princess

are helping us do the work!

The times are a-changing!

Let me help you with that.

Too bad that fair daughter of yours

is missing all the action.

She's at home

having her own adventure, I'm sure.

Next, you're probably asking yourself,

"How should I curtsy to a lord

from a foreign country

"who only lives in a medium-sized castle?"

Not really.

Such a curtsy takes a great deal of practice,

and begins thus.

All right, look alive now!

All secure down here, Captain?

General Puffin! Shouldn't you be

keeping your eye on that

dangerous little girl?

Yeah. If Alise gets out,

she might pick flowers or something.

Vigilance! Vi-gi-lance!

You want to help poor Alise, right?

Me love Leesie.

Okay then, when you hear the loud croak,

light these torches

as quickly as you can, capisce?

Best job on Earth!

-Okay, until then, just...

-Me chill.

It's go time.

When do I do my performance, now?

-I'll give you the signal.

-Great. You say "action,"

then I will deliver my lines with passion!

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