The Swap Page #5

contraption. I want you

to check something out.

Ok. I'll check out

this stem club thingy,

but if I don't like it,

I'm taking you down, Malloy,

down town, to video town.

Do you get it?

-'Cause of the video I took.

-Yep, I got it. Fair enough.

Mack! I totally forgot that

you're a science rock star!

That's so awesome.

-You know me?

-What? Oh! Right.

-You're Jack Malloy, aren't you?

Yes! Yes, I'm Jack Malloy.

All boy ever since I was born.

Not to be rude, mister,

but I'm kinda in a rush.

How can we can extend this

contract, like, right now?

- Ugh!

Oh, don't worry,

that's just algae.

See?

Alright, well, I'm sorry,

i can't extend the plan.

It wasn't your mom who canceled

it; It was your dad. Here, look.

They can't even extend the

service for, like, a day?!

Why did my mom

have to cancel it?!

No, it wasn't, uh,

look, it's complicated,

I'll explain later.

You gotta gimme

something else to do

to make your life better.

Besides getting body hair

ripped out by the roots.

-Dude, I can't believe i

thought you had it easier.

-Hello! I told you!

Look, I really need you to

go to Claire's party tonight

and fix stuff with sassy.

She's my best friend and i

cannot lose her right now.

-I need you

to be a guy tonight.

-What you talking 'bout?

Jack Malloy's cool

and popular. So just

be you being me,

and sassy'll know that I can

fit in, that I'm not a...

-Buzzkiller of uncoolness.

-Is that what she thinks?

Why do you wanna be friends

with this chick anyway?!

You asked me what would

make my life better,

so don't be judge-y.

A girl needs her bff.

Whoa! Gotta go!

-Thanks, mack.

-No problem.

-I had a lot of fun

hanging out with you today.

I honestly don't know

why we didn't

do this before.

I want it to be ash blond,

not ashy blond.

-I need to look ultra-cool

tonight. Like, ah-may-zing.

-Yes, I understand.

No way, are you French?!

I'm going to a Paris-themed

-party tonight!

-I'm sure it will be

very authentic.

Oh, mais oui! It's gonna be

trs chic! Well,

except for my bestie's

tragic ex-bff. This girl

would wear gym shorts on

the red carpet. She hasn't

moved on since 5th grade's

"moving on"! Ellie dommage!

-I'll get your color.

I'll be right back.

-I am right back!

-Oh! That was quick.

So, zis Ellie of tragedy...

She has been ex-bff'ed, you say?

Well, if she doesn't step up

her game by tonight,

she will be.

Which, b-t-dubs,

is totally fine with me,

'cause I am from New York

and we don't do

third wheelationships.

You know what I mean,

big city sista?

Holla! Ew!

This is very relaxing.

-Hey, honey! Where did you go?

-Mom, after the spa,

can I get, like, a makeover

and some new clothes?

I need to look ah-may-zing

tonight for Claire's party.

Are you kidding me?

You want something new?

Let's do it, babe!

Cool.

Must be another leg waxer.

There's the mystery man!

I was worried about you,

bromegranate juice.

You always Nancy out before a

big game, but dude, I've never

seen you like this before.

"Nancy out"? Oh, like nervous

Nancy? So I stress out a lot?

Does a zamboni

have 4-wheel drive?

Yeah, so I should help him

myself relieve the stress.

-Maybe relax and goof

around for a little while?

-Don't bother convincing us

you need to go to Owen's game

night. Coach'll have you

hitting hay by sunset.

-Game night? It's perfect!

-Malloy!

It's alright, guys.

I got this. I think.

You were right.

I found the answer to my heart's

question:
I'm an engineer!

Not like on a train.

Like designing stuff.

Oh, that's awesome!

Is your scooter running on soda?

Pretty sick, huh? Hey,

I owe you big time. Seriously.

Call me for whatever.

It's gone, just like my

confusion over life choices.

You did that for me, Malloy.

You did.

Did Porter Gibbs just give you

a double back tap bro hug?

-Yes, he did.

-Life's sure getting better

for you, huh, Jacko?

Yes, it is.

Man, chicks know

how to throw it down.

- Hey, portster.

Ha! Science.

-Thanks, Porter.

-It's the least I can do

for the dude that helped

align me with my infinite self.

Now go, shoot up some zombies

with your... friends.

I got some friends too

i gotta go, you know.

I have this one friend,

he's at the grocery store.

We're pretty tight.

He works there, but it's just...

It's still cool, he's cool

with it.

I got that

going on tonight,

-so I'm pretty busy, but...

-Ok, ok. I get it.

- Follow me, follow me.

Ok, it's probably gonna be

weird for you at first.

Definitely gonna be weird for

me. The politics of introducing

someone into a friend group

are extremely complicated,

so let me try.

Jackpack, you made it!

Oh, is Porter with you?

-Yes, but let me explain.

-Cool. Pizza?

Yeah, don't mind if I do.

Wow! You look amazeadorable!

Ellie? Is that you?

What's with

the extreme makeover?

I... uh...

Muh... muh... uh...

Um...

See, sass, I told you

it wasn't a rumor.

It was a trumor! You don't think

she un-ponytailed herself

for us, do you?

-No, it was for him.

-Ellie?

Deny it if it's not true!

You know how much

he means to me!

Ever since, like, yesterday,

he's been my number one choice

for sophomore boyfriend!

How could you?!

-Wait!

Ok, let's let 'em talk.

By the way, nice hat.

-Not clich at all.

-Oh, merci!

-So, are you gonna admit it?

-I don't even get it!

Trumors, rumors...

Can we just, like...

Can we just be cool?

So you want things to go back

to the way they were before?

Like, pinball in my garage,

sleepovers on Saturdays,

and watching old vhs tapes?

-Yes! That! We good?

-El, I'm just not into

that stuff anymore.

We're sophomores now.

You know, Aspen's right.

You're just not

the kind of friend

that's bestie for me anymore.

Hey, El. Let's go dance.

- Yeah, take that!

Pass me another slice,

dung brains?

Dudealude.

You're eating carbs.

And grease. I haven't

seen you like this in...

Well, I've never

seen you like this.

Isn't that just wrong?

Look, discipline is great,

but sometimes a kid's gotta

have some pizza and chips,

know what I mean? So tonight

I'll be doing no

kettlebells, no deadlifts,

and the only burpees I'm

gonna be doing are these.

- Nice.

Alright, man.

Gimme this.

Hey look, a perfume bar!

Awesome! Like, seriously?

You get to make your own smell?

Man, this would totally cover

the fart wars at my house.

You have fart wars

at your house?

Yeah, you know,

-me and my mom,

fart-warring it up.

-I love it.

I saw you were having some

trouble talking to sassy

back there, huh?

Yeah. Not that I get half of

what they're saying. I mean,

"trumors", "girl code"...

Yeah, that. Well,

Aspen started this rumor

that you're trying to steal

Jack Malloy away from sassy.

Seriously? That's what

they've been babbling about?

Well, guess what?

He's not hers to steal!

Oh, good! I mean,

i didn't think so.

Ok, you know what?

I made a promise to... to me,

that I would make things better

with sassy. But what if "better"

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