The Swindle Page #2

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for him to notice any was missing.

He had more than 20,000

in his wallet.

It wouldn't even occur to him

he's been had.

It's the principle behind taxes,

but they're even more subtle.

The tax people are geniuses.

- But we have to fight to survive.

- You old anarchist.

- Yes you are!

- Oh no, my dear, not at all.

As usual...

one third goes into the communal

pot. That's 34,000.

We split the rest,

that's 34,000 each.

The 400 francs left

are a present for you.

A bonus for the personnel.

Thank you sir!

Do you still plan on

taking some time off?

Where are you planning on going?

I don't know. Somewhere south.

You have to be in Sills Maria

on the 25th.

I'll be there.

Do you need some cash?

A little.

How much? Ten... fifteen thousand?

Twelve thousand.

Here princess.

Thanks.

What ID do you want?

I think I'll be Russian.

Sissi Petrovna.

Sissi Petrovna!

Can't you pick an easier one?

It's more amusing.

Why not Betty Boop!

Passport, license, ID cards...

Checkbook.

Careful, only ten left.

By the way...

on the passport

you're a blond.

So?

Platinum blond.

So?

Don't worry.

- You seem upset.

- Nothing upsets me darling. Ever.

I'll call once in a while.

At midnight.

I certainly hope so.

I'm off to bed. I'm leaving early.

- I won't wake you.

- Don't worry about it.

I'll see you in ten days

in Sills Maria.

Right. Ten days in Sills Maria.

What are you planning to do?

What I usually do

when I'm alone, darling.

Mingle with the masses.

You need more practice, kid.

The same thing.

Give me lots of onions.

Onions...

More onions.

Lots and lots of onions.

What do I owe you?

Nothing.

I wouldn't feel right.

Get out of here!

Okay. I'm going.

Today she's overweight and happy.

She feels better fat than thin.

She'll tell us why.

For the first time on TV

Catherine Langeais

talks about Francois Mitterrand

and their secret love affair.

In ten years this man found

every possible combination

to win the lottery.

He'll tell us his secret.

Dominique loved Christian,

until she found out

Christian was a woman.

Hard to believe, but facts

can be stranger than fiction.

What a bore.

Hi mom, it's Sissi.

That's a first. How are you?

Enjoying your freedom?

I'm fine. I'll explain later.

Will you let me talk to my mother?

- Hurry up.

- Okay.

Don't forget, in three days

we meet in Sills Maria.

I'm already in Sills Maria.

I'll explain later. 'Bye.

What's she cooking up?

You have a reservation for me.

- Emmanuel Victor.

- Yes, Colonel.

Your room is ready.

Room 170.

It's large with a good view.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

I hope so too.

Hello, Gunther.

Hello, Signora Trotti.

What are you doing,

you little pest?

He's not bothering me, madam.

You're French, aren't you?

You look French.

Hannibal loves you.

He loves the French.

And so do I.

My first lover was French.

I'm honored, madam.

Colonel Emmanuel Victor.

A charming French officer.

Sadly, a retired colonel, madam.

Please follow me, Colonel.

Excuse me, signora.

Will we meet again?

Mrs. Trotti is one of our best

clients. She's full of life.

Tell me she's not a dentist.

No. She's a widow.

Hurry!

I hope you'll like the room.

We'll eat here

and see the show tonight.

Other French guests...

I heard.

Closet...

Bottled water...

a bible...

bathroom...

Hot... cold.

The usual.

Yes... the usual.

Tell me. What's the show tonight?

It's a show

with a very unusual dancer.

It was organized by the dentists

but it's open to anyone.

If you wish

I can reserve you a seat.

Thank you. Is it black tie?

It's dressy.

Fine. Can you also reserve me

a table for tonight?

Certainly, Colonel.

That's fine. Thank you very much.

I hope you have an excellent stay,

Colonel.

- At your service.

- Thank you.

Sir...

You have a table reserved for me.

- The name is Victor.

- Yes of course, Colonel.

If you could avoid

Signora Trotti's table...

I understand, sir.

This way please.

Here you are, sir.

Tonight, we're offering

superb wild mushrooms.

You can have them in a fricassee,

or as a side dish.

Perfect!

I'll have mushroom fricassee.

Give me fish with that... perch.

Sauted with just a touch

of lemon juice.

If you wish,

we have some magnificent...

frogs.

Magnificent?

- Big frogs?

- Very big frogs.

I see.

You're sure they're not toads?

No. And bring me

a half-bottle of white wine.

Fine, sir.

I'll bring you the wine list.

It's unbearably hot in here.

How can she move like that?

It's the costume.

I'm too hot. I need some air.

Now I feel chilly.

- You want to go back inside?

- No. Warm me up.

- I think I've got an admirer.

- Who?

A guy who just arrived. Not bad.

Relax...

He's old enough to be my dad.

I don't trust old leches.

Why do you think he's an old lech?

We could have some fun with him.

You're really perverse.

I'm frivolous,

but I'm not perverse.

I bet I can get him

to invite us to dinner.

I'm not with the convention

or the hotel.

Working for the hotel now?

What are you up to? Who's the guy?

- I'll explain later.

- Enough is enough!

You'd think we were in a

Kafka novel. Cough it up.

Later. Play along.

How nice of you.

We'll have a delightful day,

if you're sure it's no trouble.

Meet my cousin, Maurice Biagini.

Delighted. Emmanuel Victor,

retired colonel.

Colonel.

The Colonel's invited us to lunch.

Really Sissi, the way you

take advantage of people.

Not at all. It was my idea.

I'm alone among all these dentists,

and being pursued

by an awful Italian widow.

You'd be doing me a service

as a fellow Frenchman.

You're too kind.

We'd be pleased

to offer our protection.

The pleasure is mine.

Perfect. We'll meet in half an hour.

It's cold up there.

Dress warmly, Colonel.

- I intend to, madam.

- It's miss.

If you've got a ski-mask,

I suggest you wear it.

Don't worry.

I know how to cover myself.

Three, please.

Thank you.

Let's conquer the Alps together.

- With pleasure, but...

- I insist.

So?

- So, what?

- I'm listening.

Who is this guy?

It's the first time you've

screwed up one of our projects.

After seeing the dentists,

you should thank me.

- Alright.

- You want to know about Maurice.

I want to know everything.

He's a businessman, a treasurer

for an international business group.

- My goodness.

- It's true.

Anything's possible.

He looks like a brainless gigolo.

He's not that brainless.

Where did you meet him

and what are your plans?

On the train, not that it matters.

Go on.

We were on the same train.

He was sitting across from me.

He was kind of cute.

I was bored

so I asked him to switch seats.

Once he caught on, he was great.

He graciously accepted my request.

He kept on smiling.

- After that it was easy. We talked.

- I believe you.

Then we had an awful lunch.

He wanted to pay for lunch.

I refused.

I let him buy the wine.

After that,

one thing led to another.

Keep going.

He invited me to dinner.

I said yes.

We ate at the Negresco.

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