The Tail Job Page #2

We always want to be one or two cars

behind them at all times.

That way they don't pick up the scent.

Now if I want to get closer, I

travel in the lane next to us

and pull up in their blind spot.

- How many times have you done this?

- Too many times, Nick, too many times.

- It's Nicholas.

- You think you're the first

person to ever be cheated on

and need to use a taxi to get revenge?

Mate, half the people that

sit in that seat think

they're being cheated on

or cheating on someone

or are following someone

who is cheating on them.

The amount of extramarital intercourse

happening in that seat,

I could write an erotic

novel if I wanted to.

- Are you married?

- Was, past tense.

- Hey, they're turning.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

Come on, let me in, mate.

Let me in, I'm trying to merge, you moron!

F***!

There are some morons on these roads!

- Is that them?

- Yeah, that's them.

They're four cars up ahead.

- What's this?

- You nearly killed me, you

fuckwit, learn to drive!

- I had my blinker on, you f***ing idiot!

- Oh f*** off you did!

- Fire me already, you f***ing moron.

- F***ing pull over and say that, c*nt!

- F*** off!

- F***ing pull over and f***ing say that!

- That's what you got to do.

- Pull over!

- Don't worry, these things

happen on the road every day.

- F***ing pull over now!

- Don't be a f***ing dick, let me pass.

Hang on.

Woo!

- We've lost Mona!

- Don't worry, we'll catch

her, we'll catch her.

We'll go up here a couple of blocks,

we'll turn right on to Smith

and we'll meet them there.

Doesn't sound good.

- Siobhan!

Oh my God, I missed you so much!

- I missed you!

Oh my God, show me, show me!

Aww did he choose it?

- Well I made sure he knew

the one I wanted so...

- I love it, aww!

- Let's celebrate!

- To the bar!

- To the bar!

- Hey ladies, do you have ID on you?

- This is sh*t!

We've lost her, haven't we?

We're never going to catch up to Mona now.

Sh*t!

- Hey, hey don't dent the cab.

- Sorry, sorry, yeah.

Hey Trevor, the meter is still running.

- Yeah.

- Well, don't you think

you should turn it off?

- Why would I do that?

- Because I don't really think it's fair

that I should pay for

you to change a tire.

- I wouldn't have a flat tire

if I wasn't doing your tail job.

The meter stays on.

- Well maybe I'll find

another taxi to take me home.

- All right.

All right, all right,

all right, all right.

You want to be fair, we'll split it.

When the tire is on, the meter stays on.

When the tire comes off,

I'll turn the meter off.

Deal?

- Deal.

- Good.

Well.

So you're calling it quits, eh?

It's a shame.

I thought you might be my Richard Benson.

- Yeah, who is Richard Benson anyway?

- Richard Benson is the

penultimate customer.

He's a bit of a legend in the taxi world.

He's the biggest fare you can get.

Sidney to Perth, 8,000km,

$20,000 in petrol and fares

and on tope of that Richard Benson

gives you $30,000 just to stay quiet.

- That sounds a little

like a cabbie urban myth

if you ask me.

- It's not an urban myth.

- Well why wouldn't he just catch a plane?

I mean, he'd be out of pocket, what, $600?

- Paper trail.

Richard Benson can't be seen

going in or out of the state.

In fact, he doesn't even

book his cabs in advance.

He just hails them off the street.

You'll be driving along, doing a shift.

Next thing you know, gray

haired man with a big,

black sports bag will pull

you over, get in the back

and say, "Take me to Perth and back?"

- Do you know anyone who's ever

actually had Richard Benson?

- No but

a friend of my friend

Hakeem had him last year,

so you know it's probably true.

Okay.

Tire off;

meter off.

- Thank you.

- Meter on.

- I'm sorry to say I'm not going

to be your Richard Benson tonight.

- That's a shame.

You going to give up, eh?

- I don't see what choice I have.

- Maybe you can call her.

- Right, she'll tell me

where she is, will she?

I doubt that.

- What if someone else called her?

- Stacey!

- Nicholas!

What are you doing here?

- You haven't seen Mona tonight, have you?

- No, I haven't seen her

since New Year's Eve.

Is everything all right?

- Yeah, no, everything's fine.

- You and Mona are still?

- Yeah, definitely.

- Good.

- Definitely.

- Because you guys make a great couple.

I bet you're the best boyfriend.

- Stacey!

- I'm not meant to talk to you guys

unless you're ordering froyo.

Are you guys ordering any froyo?

- No.

- Yes we are, Stacey.

Now could I have a big size

and I'm going to start with original.

- Stacey,

everything's fine.

I just need to know

where she is right now.

- She didn't tell you where she was going?

- She did but I guess I forgot.

- Why don't you call her?

- Actually, I was hoping you'd call her.

- Why can't you call her?

- Because

because...

- It's a surprise.

- It's a surprise!

- That's so sweet!

You would make the best boyfriend.

- Yep, you said that Stacey.

Now I would like to get lychee.

- What do you want me to say to her?

- Just ask her if she

wants to hang out tonight.

- Desiccated coconuts.

- I finish work at 10 but I guess

I could hang out with her after that.

- Almond.

- But now you don't actually

want to hang out with her.

- I don't?

- No.

- But what if she does?

- Trust us, she won't.

- You just want her to think you do.

- So she'll tell me where she is

so you can surprise her.

- Right!

- Well, I go on my break in 15 minutes,

so why don't you meet me in

the alley behind the shop

and I'll call from there?

- Great.

Thanks, Stacey.

- Okay, that'll be $8.50.

Okay, so what do you want me to do?

- Just give Mona a call and

tell her you're in the city.

Ask her if she is too.

- Okay.

It's ringing.

Hello?

- Hello.

- Who's this?

- Who's this?

- Who is it?

- It's some guy.

- Son of a b*tch!

- Put Mona on, put Mona on the phone!

Hello?

I know who you are, you

f***ing dog dick bastard!

Hello?

- Who was that?

- It's Sio Bohan.

- Who is Sio Bohan?

- He's the guy who's going

to be balls deep in Mona

by the end of the night!

- That's terrible!

- Bastard!

- Nicholas?

- Quick, call the number again.

- Son of a!

- Hey you've called Mona.

Please leave your...

- Dammit, no answer.

- You son of a!

- I better go back inside.

My break is almost over.

- Wait.

Where did it sound like he was?

- Who?

- Sio Bohan.

Were there any sounds

that could be clues to his whereabouts?

- Like what?

- I don't know like birds

tweeting or a garbage truck.

- No.

- What about a rumbling?

- Rumbling?

- Yeah, you know, a rumbling

like an airport or a train station.

- Right.

Yeah, I guess there was

kind of rumbling sounds.

- What, like a plane?

- Not like an airport,

more like a...

- A boat?

- Yeah, a boat.

Yeah and hey, there was music.

- What kind of music?

- Fun music.

- Like a carnival?

- Yeah, I guess.

- Nick!

- It's Nicholas!

- Come on, I know where she is?

- Where?

- She's at the harbor!

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