The Taqwacores

1

(Phone ringing)

As'salaamu alaikum, Yusef.

Wa-alaikum as-salaam Ummi.

We miss you, how's Buffalo?

Al'hamdulilah, I'm going to check out a house.

The flier says everyone there's Muslim.

Very good bita, you can live with them.

Better than the dorms.

Yep.

They will keep you focused

and out of trouble.

Insh'Allah.

Insh'Allah

Yusef?

Yeah, Umar?

As'salaamu alaikum.

Wa-alaikum as-salaam.

So, is everyone here Muslim?

From a certain point of view.

Yeah, I didn't expect the

house to look like this.

Your room's over here brother.

Sorry.

This is Mustafa's old room.

He was a brother from Egypt.

You know, Mustafa used to get these for

free from the Saudi embassy all the time.

Y'akhi when he was here,

that was when we really had it,

a house that was true to Islam.

Insha'Allah we can return to that.

Insha'Allah.

Uh..Are you okay?

I am, the Amazing Ayyub.

Nice to meet you.

Do you live here too or are you, uh.

Yeah. Sort of, man.

Cool.

Is that a f***ing camera dude?

This is like video, right?

Yeah I need to recharge

the batteries for that.

If you could please.

Do You know anything about computers?

The password, it's, I gotta reset it.

I should really get to studying now. Oh!

Ah, no no let me get it, naw, I got it.

Aw you're smearing it now.

You're really smearing it.

Yusef man! You're gonna fit in.

You're gonna fit in my balls!

Welcome to the house.

I feel really welcome, thank you.

I'm just gonna.

Salaam-alaik.

Wa alaikum as

I was just looking for something to drink.

Aw, well, there's plenty to drink.

No, I was thinking something halal.

Oh, halal? Well you've gotta

be specific in this place.

Jazakullah khair. (Thank you)

You're the new guy, right?

Salaam, I'm Yusef.

I'm Rabeya.

Have a seat.

Um actually I have to be

going because I have, um

I have um class in a bit, so I .

Oh right, right every time a man and a woman

are alone shaytan is the third present.

Yes, No I mean no that's not it

I just, uh...

Well did you make your fajr prayer yet?

Sorry You have to count

me out, I'm ragging it.

Okay.

Umar y'akhi?

Umar y'akhi?

Umar y'akhi, wake up, it's

time for fajr prayer.

Salam Yusef.

Go make wudhu, I'll follow after you.

Okay.

Bimillahir rahmanir raheem.

La ilaha illa Allah.

F***.

Asalams, man.

Wa asalaams. I'm Yusef.

Jehangir.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Fasiq.

You're the new guy, right?

Yeah.

You should have been out here

with us last night y'akhi.

Oh no, I'm not much of a partier.

No worries man.

Come on, get out here, come on.

Yeah?

Come check out the view, come on.

Wa salaams man.

Calling us out to prayer on your guitar?

That's bid'ah.

Okay. It's bid'ah.

Hey you know, Umar.

It's only Muslims who use the term

innovation to mean something bad.

Don't forget that you're

Muslim too Aren't you?

La ilaha illa Allah.

Umar.

Y'akhi.

The adhan has been called,

if we're gonna pray.

Let's pray.

These Muslims don't respect freedom, they don't respect

capitalism, and they don't respect our way of life!

We can't coexist with these people.

And, and the liberals, their starting to find that out.

Look, it's a proven fact.

It's been documented!

Radical Shiites are coming to America and

going on welfare. Shut the f*** up!

Then they send their welfare checks back

to Iran to support its nuclear program!

Y'akhi.

It's not a good idea to be drinking tea.

Why not?

Caffeine is a stimulant.

Know, I wouldn't go as far as calling

tea haram, but it's at least makrooh.

Tea is makrooh?

Brother, it's a plague amongst

the Muslim world is what it is.

Salam.

It's great.

All you need to get rid

of Umar is a vagina!

Bro, how do you fix this thing man?

What are you doing?

Ayyub come on, please, you're gonna break

my camera, that was a present for Eid.

Yo, f*** that sh*t, fix this

and let's go f***ing skate!

Skate?

Move! Move! Move! F***ing nut.

Douchbag!

Yo, when you gonna hook it up with

some of these taqwacores tapes bro?

Ah man, those f***ers only put

their sh*t out on vinyl, man.

Yeah, they like to be all orthodox about

it but, uh, for you Amazing Ayyub

I think I can put something together.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, man.

- Thanks bro.

- Absolutely brother.

What do you guys mean by that?

What?

Taqwacores.

Aw sh*t.

Yusef jaan.

Come on man, how long you been

in the house for, brother?

Taqwacore.

Taqwacore y'akhi.

Vote Hezbollah.

The Kominas.

One Trip Abroad.

AIThawra.

Osama's Tunnel Diggers.

The West coast Muslim punk scene.

Khalifornia.

Muslim punk scene?

Yeah

all the crazy f*** ups and rejects

of the community, coming together man.

Starting bands, putting on shows.

Nobody likes em.

The Muslims say they're not really Muslim,

the punks say they aren't really punk.

What's a punk in the first place?

I mean who knows any more, man.

Some say it's about busting social taboos.

Some say it's about being loud...

Everybody's got their own opinion.

What do you think it means?

I think it's just about being ugly.

That's why you can't be punk.

You look too good.

Watch this sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, yo check

this out, check this out.

Y'akhi!

Dude, are you okay?

- You alright?

- That was f***ing awesome man!

Are you alright?

Yeah, holy sh*t.

F***, Mash'Allah man, I was in the air so long it

was like I had time to stop being nervous, brother.

Yusef, you gotta get that sh*t

in a skateboard video man.

F*** that, I'm gonna to land it right now.

Bullshit you are.

You okay?

Turn that sh*t off for a second.

Oh, sure.

Listen man.

Next Friday, we're holding jumauh prayer

and we're gonna do it right at the house.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

Jehangir, who would come?

These Muslims y'akhi.

The ones who don't quite fit in

at the Muslim center picnics.

The boys who miss their prayers.

The girls who date behind

their parents backs.

The ones who ask too many

questions during Saturday school.

I can't believe Umar's allowing this.

At the end of the day

he'd rather see this than another party.

And you know y'akhi, deep down even Umar knows

he doesn't quite fit in at the masjid any more.

What do you think they see

when he walks in the door?

What about an imam?

Don't we need somebody to lead this?

That's the best part.

It is said in the Quran that Allah

spoke directly to the virgin Mary.

It is said that she was instructed

to teach Islam to her people.

She was told that something was going to

happen and that thing did indeed happen.

And do you know what that sounds like to me?

It sounds like the virgin Mary was a prophet of Islam.

So, why do we not consider her one?

She wasn't given a scripture but

I say that her book was her son.

So that's my khutbah.

Let's pray.

Takbir!

Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar.

As'salaamu alaikum, Yusef.

Wa alaikum as-salaam Abu.

How are your classes?

Still straight A's?

Yes Abu, al'hamdulilah.

How are your housemates? They keeping you in the dean?

You reading your namaz regularly?

Yes, Yes Abu.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes