The Teahouse of the August Moon Page #7

- What did she say?

- Oh, she say yesterday...

...big Army truck come and leave lovely

lumber and beautiful paint, boss.

That's right. It's for the schoolhouse.

It just can't be done.

- Oh, okay.

- No, it just can't.

They say you very mean to them, boss,

after present... They give you everything.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, folks.

I'm really very sorry.

Oh, they very sorry too, boss,

because Tobiki like to be proud, boss.

Teahouse give them a face.

It's going to be a fine school. Five sides.

- May I speak, captain-san?

- Yes, of course, Mr. Oshira.

There are lovely teahouses

in the big cities...

...but the men of Tobiki

have never been inside them.

We are too poor.

All of my life I have dreamed

of visiting a teahouse...

...where paper lanterns cast a light

in the lotus pond...

...and the bamboo bells hanging in the pines

tinkle as the breezes brush them.

But this picture is only in my heart.

I may never see it.

I am an old man, sir. I shall die soon.

It is evil for the soul

to depart this world...

...laden with envy or regret.

Give us our teahouse, sir.

Free my soul for death.

Well, we haven't any carpenters.

Daiku-san! Daiku-san!

Oh, boss, what you think?

Mr. Sumata and the papa-san

just come down from mountain right now.

All right, all right, I haven't got a chance.

I guess Uncle Sam is going

into the teahouse business.

Captain Fisby.

Uncle Sam.

Thank you.

Captain Fisby.

Hello. This is Colonel Purdy.

Yes, sir. How are you, colonel?

I want to talk to you

about your progress report.

There's nothing about the schoolhouse.

Did you get the lumber?

Yes, sir. As a matter of fact,

we're using it out there now, sir.

But, colonel, I think we're gonna

have to have some more.

I sent ample according to specifications.

How big a structure you building?

Well, sir, we have to consider expansion,

you know, population increase.

We don't need to consider expansion.

Our troops will be out

of there by the next generation.

Which brings me to another point. What's

this about six kids being born last week?

Well, it's the only thing

to fill the progress report with, sir.

Then you've failed

at your indoctrination.

Don't you know births are entered

under population increases?

They're not considered progress.

No, not children, sir. Kids. Goats.

Something's wrong with this connection.

It sounded just as if you said "goats."

You see, I'm trying to increase

the livestock down here.

Goats? Look, Fisby, suppose some

congressman flew in to inspect our team.

How would I explain

such a report about goats?

The population

of civilians alone concerns us.

I want to know exactly what progress

you've made as outlined in plan B.

- Well, sir, I'm getting along with the people.

- iIn other words, nothing.

Listen, Fisby, do you know what

Major McEvoy has accomplished in Awasi?

- iNo, sir.

- Then I'll tell you.

His fourth graders know

the alphabet through M.

His whole village can sing

"God Bless America" in English.

I wish I could say the same.

Well, see that you do. I don't want

any rotten apples in my barrel.

I want to know exactly what

you've accomplished in five weeks.

Well, sir...

Well, we have started an industry.

Matter of fact, we're sending

our first shipment out this week.

- Now, we're making getas. We're...

- Wait a minute.

What in thunder is a geta?

No, it isn't a geta, sir. It's plural. Getas.

Getas, you know, you have to have two.

- Are you breeding some other animal?

- iNo, no.

You see, you wear them on your feet.

And they're very good for

the metatarsal muscles, colonel.

And now, I have another group.

They're out there making cricket cages.

Captain Fisby,

what kind of cages did you say?

Cricket cages, colonel.

You know, the cricket.

The black bug that...

It rubs its hind legs together.

I think we can sell just thousands

of those cages.

- Of course, we don't supply the cricket.

- Naturally, not.

Captain Fisby,

have you taken your salt pills?

Oh, yes, sir. Every day

at chaya in the pine grove.

Have you been going out in the sun

without your hat?

You see, I wear a kasa, sir. It's a...

The wind blows through the straw.

It kind of ventilates the brain.

I see. I see. That'll be all, captain.

- Gregovich.

- Yes, sir?

- Who's the psychiatrist over at Awasi?

- Captain McLean?

Yes. Get him on the phone.

My man at Tobiki has gone

completely off his rocker.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

Good morning.

- Hello?

- Good morning.

Good morning.

Thank you. Thank you.

Excuse me.

I'll see you. Bye.

Well, who are you?

- You startled me.

- I'm Captain Fisby.

Can I do something for you?

- Oh, well, I'm Captain McLean.

- How do you do, captain?

There was nobody here, so I came in.

Medical Corps. I see it. See?

- What are you doing down here in Tobiki?

- I'm on leave.

Just thought I'd spend it down here...

...making some ethnological studies

of the natives.

- If you have no objection.

- I don't have any.

That's in your way. I'll take it.

I was just examining that.

- That's my cricket cage.

- Oh, you like crickets?

I haven't found one,

but I have the cage.

Matter of fact, I've got two.

Would you like one?

Oh, no, no, no, thank you.

It's all right.

- What happened to your uniform?

- Oh, it's around.

I find getas and a kimono much more

comfortable in this climate.

But isn't that a bathrobe?

Well, it passes for a kimono.

Why don't you take your shoes off, captain?

- Oh, no, thank you. Thank you, no.

- No?

- I'll just keep them on.

- All right, fine. No objection, of course.

Sit down, sit down.

In my good chair, my good chair.

- Thank you.

- Well...

No?

May I ask,

what are you building down the road?

Oh, that's my chaya.

Gonna be something

to write home about, Mac.

- A chaya?

- See, if you have a geisha...

...you gotta have a chaya, you know.

How have you felt lately, Fisby?

Mac, I'll tell you something,

I've never felt better.

I feel reckless and happy

and carefree, and... Well...

And it all happened the moment

I decided not to build...

...that pentagon-shaped schoolhouse.

- What?

The good colonel, he ordered me...

He ordered me...

...to build a pentagon-shaped

schoolhouse here.

The natives wanted a teahouse.

Would you believe

one of them gave me a geisha girl?

So I decided that I was going

to give them what they want.

I guess it sounds kind of crazy,

doesn't it?

Well, yes and no.

You know, these are wonderful people.

Wonderful people

with a... A strange sense of beauty.

Hard-working when there's a purpose.

You know what they're doing?

They're making cricket cages

and lacquerware and chopsticks...

...to sell as souvenirs.

Don't let anybody ever, ever tell you

that these people are lazy.

- That's... Oh, I see.

- No, you don't. You don't.

- Oh, I see.

- No, you don't, no, no.

You will when you study them.

- You're building a teahouse.

- Yes.

And next, I'm gonna go out

and test that soil.

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