The Teahouse of the August Moon Page #8

See if it won't grow something

besides sweet potatoes.

I'll send for some nitrate...

...some DDT and chemicals...

- Chemicals?

Yes.

- You want to poison these people?

- What? No.

- Look, captain...

- What? What?

I'm sorry.

You just touched on a subject

that's very close to my heart.

- Gardening.

- Yes?

I've been on the point

of giving up my career...

...just so I could set up

an experimental farm...

...somewhere where I could raise

vegetables organically, nature's way.

No poisons, no chemicals.

Let me tell you something, captain.

Chemicals will kill all your earthworms.

- And earthworms aerate your soil.

- They do?

Do you know that the earthworm

leaves castings...

...eight times its own weight every day?

That much?

Organic gar... It's the only thing.

Compost. Manure. But no chemicals.

- You know a lot about this, I can tell.

- Well...

- Well, I...

- You do.

I subscribed to all the farm journals

for years, you know.

Mac, listen to me,

I've got the... I've got the greatest idea.

While you're here, you could really do us

a big favor. A big service, mind you.

You could sort of take over supervision.

Establish a kind of a... What do you call it?

An experimental station.

Well...

- Oh, I haven't got the time.

- Take time, man. Take time.

This is a chance

to put your theories into facts.

These are not theories.

These are proved facts.

Just tell us how to go about it.

That's all, Mac.

- Is your soil acid or alkaline?

- Oh, golly, I don't know.

- That's the first thing to find out.

- You're the man we need.

- You're a genius.

- I'll want plenty of manure.

- You'll get it.

- And I want to set this program up scientif...

- What's the matter? What is it?

- I wish I had my books, my seed...

Oh, I've got a stack

of seed catalogs that high.

- You have?

- Oh, man, and I...

Well, let's sit down here. Sit down.

You know what you can do?

You can write a list of those seeds,

catalogs, and books.

- And get airstrip to fly them in.

- Can you do that?

Can I do it? Sit down. Can I do it?

Of course, I can do it.

- Make the list...

- Every spring I've made lists of seeds.

I never had any soil to put them in.

Now I can actually germinate.

Make the list right now

and we'll get started.

- Corn:
golden bantam.

- Yes.

- And Country Gentleman.

- Right.

- Hybrid.

- I got to check...

- Hybrid.

- Hybrid? Yes.

Gotta check with

my Department of Agriculture.

I'll be back this afternoon...

...because you and I...

We'll have tea in the pine grove, Mac.

We have tea in the pine grove

every afternoon when the sun goes down.

Cucumbers:
Early Green Prolific.

And radishes.

Crimson giant.

Crimson giant.

- There's no answer, sir.

- What do you mean, no answer?

Well, keep trying, I'm not the kind of a man

to take no answer for an answer.

Tomatoes:
Ponderosa Earlyiana.

Watermelon:

All American Gold Medal.

Hello.

- Who is this?

- iThis is Captain McLean.

This is Colonel Purdy.

- Can you talk?

- iWhy not?

I'm anxious to hear your report

on you-know-who.

On who?

Captain Fisby.

The man I sent you down to examine.

Well, colonel, looks like

I'll have to be down here several weeks.

Several weeks?

- iWell, Rome wasn't built in a day.

- What?

I said, Rome wasn't built in a day.

Well, you're the doctor.

Thank you,

but I expect to work miracles.

Splendid. Is there anything I can send?

Some old Adventure magazines or anything?

Say, colonel,

there are a couple of books I'd like.

I don't think you could get them.

You name them.

Well, one is the

Principles of Pea Production...

...and the other one,

the Do's and Don'ts of Cabbage Culture.

Oh, and, colonel...

...think you could lay your hands

on a soil-test kit?

- A what?

- iA soil-test kit.

I wanna test the soil here,

see if it's sour.

Sour, did you say?

Well, yeah, if soil is sour,

your seeds won't germinate.

And, oh, I'd love to lay my hands

on some bees.

Something's wrong

with the connection.

And I'm gonna have

to take some time out.

I gotta build up this soil,

you know, with manure.

- Did you say manure?

- iYeah.

Nature's way.

Oh, I've lost faith in chemicals.

You kill all your worms.

Oh, let me tell you, colonel...

...when you kill a worm,

you're killing a friend.

Hello?

- Gregovich.

- Yes, sir?

- Where's plan B?

- What did you want, sir?

I wanna see who I send

to analyze an analyst.

That's hot water.

- Hot water.

- Hot water.

That's it.

Hey. Hey.

Mac, Mac, come on, over here.

- Over here.

- I got a list of seeds here.

Put some more hot water in the pot

because we have a guest here.

This is Lotus Blossom.

- How do you do?

- That's the geisha girl I told you about.

- She can't speak English.

- She doesn't need to.

No? Oh, hey. The seeds. You sit...

- Sit down here, will you?

- Thank you, I'd like that.

Have some of this. You know something?

That's real jasmine tea.

- Really?

- Here's a pillow.

- Thank you.

- Take off your shoes.

- Now, about those seeds...

- No.

Now we're gonna sit here

and watch the sun go down.

And we're gonna contemplate

the end of the day.

Look, captain, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Could you let me have

a couple of boys to help me in the fields?

Darn Japanese beetles

are eating up all my Chinese peas.

All right, I'll get Sakini to get

a couple boys to help you, all right?

- Oh, good, thanks.

- Alrighty. Now, Mac?

Sit down, Mac, and listen for a while.

Lotus Blossom, will you sing again

for my friend Mac?

- Thank you.

- Mac, but quiet, huh?

All right.

Here we go.

Boss?

Very sorry to interrupt lovely song, boss,

but emergency out here.

What's the matter?

Everyone come back, boss.

All right. We better go see

how they made out with the souvenirs.

Yeah, put it up here so we can use this.

All right.

All right? Come on, let's go.

What's this?

Now what's happened here?

All the souvenirs come back, boss.

What do you mean?

You mean to say they didn't sell?

No, the soldiers who look

at the straw hats say:

"What you think we are? Hayseed?"

Mr. Oshira, look,

you were at Yatoda, what happened?

The Navy always spends money.

Sailor said, "How much you want?"

- I said, "25 yen."

- That's good.

They say, "Oh, too much.

Can get better in five-and-ten-cent store.

- Give you one nickel."

- Didn't you tell them, Mr. Oshira...

...that every one of those cups

is handmade?

They say, not care.

They say at home, have big machine...

...make ten cups every minute.

They say, "Take nickel or jump in lake."

How do you like that?

Boss, you gonna stop work

on the teahouse?

No, we're not going to stop work on...

They're gonna get that teahouse

if they don't get anything else.

By golly, you can tell them that I'm very

proud of that work that they've done.

I'm so proud. And you can tell them too,

Sakini, that I'm very proud of them.

No, I am, I really am.

And I don't understand this.

No, no, no, I don't understand this.

I don't understand this.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote