The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Page #2

KEMPER:

Listen... keep your goddamn voice down.

ANDY:

Easy, easy, easy.

KEMPER:

Goddamn it.

ANDY:

Well, you're not gonna listen to him.

What the f*** are you doing?

KEMPER:

Uh!

It's over, man.

ANDY:

Kemp, you just can't throw the sh*t out.

KEMPER:

You OK?

Baby...

I'm sorry, OK? I... I did it for us.

I did it so we could start a life, you know.

I'm sorry. OK?

PEPPER:

Well, I'll tell you this much... there's no possible way

i'm ever getting back in that van.

ANDY:

I guess that's what brains look like, huh?

Sort of like, uh... lasagna... Kind of.

All right, I'll shut up now.

KEMPER:

I'll tell you this much... the next hitchhiker is sh*t out of luck. I swear to God.

ANDY:

Dude, gas station.

PEPPER:

Come on, Erin. Let's find the bathroom.

LUDA MAE:

Well, I'll be damned.

KEMPER:

Ma'am, we need to report a suicide.

LUDA MAE:

Something like this comes along, it makes folks realize

how crazy the world is out there.

KEMPER:

Right. Would you mind calling the Sheriff, ma'am?

LUDA MAE:

It's gonna cost you

MORGAN:

You want some pig?

ERIN:

Big brothers.

PEPPER:

I just feel so disgusting.

LUDA MAE:

Oh, there's about 6 about them counting the dead one. Poor thing. It's awful.

Well, why don't you ask them yourself? Right.

Where did you say you found her again?

KEMPER:

Ma'am, I already told you. About 10 minutes west of here.

LUDA MAE:

About 5 miles west.

KEMPER:

Ma'am, excuse me. When is the Sheriff gonna be here?

LUDA MAE:

Sheriff said he's headed over to the old Crawford Mill.

KEMPER:

I'm sorry. The what?

LUDA MAE:

The old Crawford Mill. He wants to know if you wouldn't mind driving over there to make your report.

KEMPER:

Yes. Yes, we goddamn mind.

MORGAN:

I'm sorry, but how often do girls just blow their heads off in this sh*t-hole town?

KEMPER:

All right, just calm down, OK?

Let me... I'm sorry. I apologize.

But, ma'am, I don't understand.

Why the hell won't the Sheriff just come out here?

LUDA MAE:

Didn't say. He said it would be about 2 hours before he could get here.

KEMPER:

We're not gonna drive around this town with a dead girl in the back of our van!

LUDA MAE:

Young man... what you do is your own business.

KEMPER:

Come on. Get in.

ERIN:

I just want to go home, OK?

KEMPER:

That's fine.

PEPPER:

It's starting to stink back here.

MORGAN:

No worse than the inside of that f***ing store.

Did you smell that nasty beef sh*t?

ANDY:

Oh, my God.

PEPPER:

Ohh!

KEMPER:

Guys.

Hello!

Hello?

Ain't no Sheriff here.

MORGAN:

I think we should drop off the body and get the hell out of her.

KEMPER:

Maybe we should vote on it.

ERIN:

Kemper, no.

MORGAN:

Why not, Erin? It is a democracy.

ERIN:

Well, how would you like it if we just dumped your body out here?

MORGAN:

I'm sorry. Nobody asked her to blow her head off in our van.

KEMPER:

My van.

ANDY:

I say we dump her.

PEPPER:

Pig.

MORGAN:

Cool. All right. Fine. Now we just need one more. Kemper?

One more and we're out of here.

Kemper, please?

KEMPER:

Baby, she's dead. I just... I really don't think it matters

where we leave her.

ERIN:

Well, it matters to me... if that means anything.

KEMPER:

Erin, look...

ERIN:

That girl has got parents out there somewhere who's gonna want her back, not just dumped on the side of the road like a piece of trash.

MORGAN:

You see our Lone Ranger anywhere?

PEPPER:

Maybe this isn't the Crawford Mill.

KEMPER:

It's unbelievable. This is a joke. There's nobody here.

MORGAN:

There's no Sheriff here.

KEMPER:

What?

MORGAN:

I just saw something move in there.

PEPPER:

I just saw something.

MORGAN:

I swear to God, i just saw something move in there.

ERIN:

You're just trying to scare me into leaving.

KEMPER:

Erin, come on.

ERIN:

Go to hell.

KEMPER:

Erin, come on. Quit screwing around.

ERIN:

Aah! Kemper!

KEMPER:

Erin! Erin! Erin, where are you?

All right.

ERIN:

Go.

KEMPER:

I got it.

ERIN:

OK.

MULTIPLE CHARACTERS

AHHH!

KEMPER:

Damn it!

Give me... Give me something to hold this.

MORGAN:

It's a possum, indigenous to the...

KEMPER:

I didn't do that.

All right. All right, that's it! If somebody's out there, just stop f***ing around, all right?

I mean it! Just come on out!

Who are you?

JEDIDIAH:

What did you do to her?

KEMPER:

Huh?

JEDIDIAH:

The girl out there, in the van.

KEMPER:

We didn't do anything to her.

MORGAN:

She did that to herself.

ERIN:

Oh, my God.

JEDIDIAH:

Promise you won't hurt me?

MORGAN:

Hey, you make these?

KEMPER:

Hey, bud. Hey. This is the old Crawford Mill, right?

ERIN:

My name is Erin.

JEDIDIAH:

Jedidiah.

ANDY:

Hey, junior. So, we're waiting here for the Sheriff. Do you know where he is?

OK. Well... where?

JEDIDIAH:

Home... getting drunk.

MORGAN:

So, cool.

Um, let's split.

If the Sheriff doesn't give a sh*t, then why should we?

ERIN:

Does he live around here?

MORGAN:

You know, front-row tickets to a big concert.

KEMPER:

Can we drive there from here?

DEDIDIAH:

Road don't go there. Short walk, though.

MORGAN:

I think we should go, like now, like right now.

KEMPER:

How do I get to the Sheriff's?

ANDY:

Whoa! Hey, you sick little mutant. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on now. Let go.

Get out of here. That's police evidence.

ERIN:

Is anybody home?

KEMPER:

Hello!

MONTY HEWITT:

What do you want?

ERIN:

Um... are you the Sheriff?

MONTY HEWITT:

Do I look like a Sheriff?

ERIN:

I don't know. I can't see you.

MONTY HEWITT:

Stand back from the door.

Sheriff don't live here.

You can call him if you want to.

ERIN:

Thanks. We'd really appreciate it.

MONTY HEWITT:

Wipe your feet. I like to keep a clean house.

I said she could call him.

You wait outside.

KEMPER:

OK, chief.

MONTY HEWITT:

I ain't looking for trouble.

KEMPER:

Don't shoot.

MONTY HEWITT:

There. I'll dial him for you.

UNKNOWN PERSON:

Hello?

ERIN:

Hi. Is... is this the Sheriff's office? Can I speak to him, please?

PEPPER:

Oh, thank God.

SHERIF HOYT:

Now, it's just an educated guess, but my money says your dead body is right there in that van.

ERIN:

Thirty minutes? Belive me, will be there.

Thanks. I'm all set.

MONTY HEWITT:

Wait. Wait.

Can you help me out back here?

ERIN:

Are you OK?

MONTY HEWITT:

Could you just...

ERIN:

OK.

KEMPER:

Excuse me. Erin?

Excuse me.

Erin?

SHERIF HOYT:

Excuse me. Do you mind getting the f*** out of my way, son?

ANDY:

We picked her up on the side of the road, like...

SHERIF HOYT:

Wow. Look at that mess.

Who's this belong to?

ANDY:

She had that on her, sir.

SHERIF HOYT:

You don't say.

Had it on her?

ANDY:

Yes, sir.

ERIN:

OK, if you could just relax, because you're not helping.

MONTY HEWITT:

Good girl, good girl.

KEMPER:

Pig sty.

Oh, Jesus.

ERIN:

What the hell was that?

Kemper?

Kemp?

SHERIF HOYT:

Ha. Well, let's get her wrapped up.

Oh, pretty little thing.

How about giving me a hand here, a**hole?

You don't expect me to do this by myself?

I need some help.

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