The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Page #3

ANDY:

Why do I always get yanked into this sh*t?

What am I doing?

SHERIF HOYT:

Lift her up and just kind of pull her over your way there.

She ain't gonna bite you. She's deader than a goddamn doornail. Get ahold of her and pick her up.

ANDY:

Yes, sir.

SHERIF HOYT:

Oh, yeah. There you go.

I bet she's real unhappy, real sorry that you're getting f***in' her blood all over your goddamn arm.

You know, back when I was a young patrolman, I used to love wrapping up these young honies.

ANDY:

Yeah, I bet you did.

SHERIF HOYT:

Yeah, cop me a little bit of a feel every now and then, you know.

Oh, look at that. She's kind of wet down there. What you boys been doing with this dead body anyway?

ANDY:

Can we please finish this?

ERIN:

Kemper?

Kemp?

MONTY HEWITT:

Something wrong?

ERIN:

Where is he?

MONTY HEWITT:

I don't know. But he's not in my house.

ERIN:

Thanks.

Kemper?

Kemp?

Goddamn him.

SHERIF HOYT:

OK, boys, there you go. There she is. Let's get her out of there now.

You, four-eyes, get a hold of her legs there.

Get after that part of it.

ANDY:

I got her head.

MORGAN:

Oh...

F***.

ANDY:

Come on.

Ow! Sh*t.

Just stick her in the back seat.

PEPPER:

It just seems so wrong.

SHERIF HOYT:

Don't give me any crap, young lady.

Goddamn it, I got just as much respect for a dead body as anybody around here.

Hey! Get that nasty goddamn thing out of the back seat of my goddamn car!

Put it in the trunk.

What the hell's the matter with you?

ANDY:

Put the legs.

SHERIF HOYT:

Don't break my stuff.

ANDY:

Put the legs in.

SHERIF HOYT:

Y'all gonna be able to find your way out of here OK?

ANDY:

Yeah. Yeah, we'll be fine.

SHERIF HOYT:

All right, then.

Protect and serve. That's what we do.

ANDY:

That you did, sir.

ERIN:

Kemp!

Kemper!

Kemper!

KEMPER:

Poor Kemp. I mean, he ain't ever gonna get the stink out of this van.

PEPPER:

You think we should try to clean it for him?

MORGAN:

Be my guest.

ERIN:

You OK?

PEPPER:

It's too much. I'm gonna be sick.

ERIN:

OK, good news. Sheriff's on his way.

ANDY:

The Sheriff already came.

PEPPER:

He took the body.

ERIN:

Where's Kemper?

ANDY:

Isn't he with you?

ERIN:

Kemper?

ANDY:

What the hell is that?

ERIN:

Kemper!

ANDY:

KEMP!

ERIN:

Kemp!

ANDY:

What was that all about?

ERIN:

Kemper!

PEPPER:

What is that?

ERIN:

Oh...

PEPPER:

It's somebody's f***ing teeth, isn't it?

ANDY:

Pepper, look, just calm down, all right?

PEPPER:

Erin, find your goddamn boyfriend. It's time to go.

ANDY:

Kemper!

ERIN:

Kemp!

ANDY:

Morgan, what are you doing?

ERIN:

Help him! Help him!

MORGAN:

Oh, my God!

ERIN & PEPPER

Pull him! Pull him!

ANDY:

I can't!

PEPPER:

Oh, my God.

MORGAN:

Ha ha ha!

ERIN:

ou stupid...

PEPPER:

That's not funny.

ERIN:

Oh, what the hell is that?

PEPPER:

Is that the girl from our van?

ERIN:

That's her.

Is that her family?

PEPPER:

What were they all doing here?

MORGAN:

They were probably looking for the Sheriff.

PEPPER:

It's f***ing weird.

ANDY:

All right, you know what? Let's find Kemper and get the hell out of here.

MORGAN:

Where you going?

ERIN:

To find him.

MORGAN:

Well, where are the keys for the van?

PEPPER:

Well, who put you in charge?

ERIN:

If you guys just want to take off, that's fine, but I am not getting in that van and leaving without him.

MORGAN:

Give me the keys.

ERIN:

Don't even think about it.

MORGAN:

Andy...

PEPPER:

I don't know about you guys, but I happen to like my teeth right where they are.

ANDY:

I can't leave him.

Let's go.

PEPPER:

We'll meet you back at the van.

ERIN:

I know Kemp's in there.

ANDY:

Wonderful. All right, keep him busy.

ERIN:

Hi. It's me again. I'm really sorry to bother you, but I can't find my boyfriend Kemper anywhere, and I thought I would just...

MONTY HEWITT:

Ain't you supposed to meet the Sheriff?

ANDY:

Kemper?

Kemp, don't mess around.

ERIN:

Um... wow. What... what a wonderful garden you have. It's just so... plentiful. Ha ha.

ANDY:

Oh!

Damn it!

ERIN:

Andy!

MONTY HEWITT:

Hey, you can't just go in my house!

ERIN:

Andy!

Are you OK?

ANDY:

Yeah.

MONTY HEWITT:

What the hell are you doing in my house?

ANDY:

All right, look. We're just looking for our friend, all right? Then we'll be out of here.

MONTY HEWITT:

You ain't running things, boy... exceptin' your mouth.

ANDY:

This guy's crazy.

MONTY HEWITT:

You little turd, you're so dead, you don't even know it.

Come on, boy.

Bring it! Bring it.

ANDY:

Bring what?

MONTY HEWITT:

Bring it.

ANDY:

Sh*t!

Come on!

ERIN:

Andy!

ANDY:

Get the f*** out of here! Run!

Sh*t! God!

Please! Please! Stop! No! Please! Put me...

Sh*t!

Erin! Erin! Erin!

PEPPER:

Ugh! Kemper really owes us for this.

MORGAN:

What the f***'s wrong, Erin?

PEPPER:

Erin, are you OK?

ERIN:

Where's the gun?

Come on!

MORGAN:

Erin, what's going on?

ERIN:

Where's the gun?

PEPPER:

The Sheriff took it.

ERIN:

Sh*t!

MORGAN:

Erin, what the f***'s going on? Calm down!

ERIN:

F***!

MORGAN:

What?

PEPPER:

What?

ERIN:

Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.

SHERIF HOYT:

Take it easy.

ERIN:

Thank God. My friend... My friend needs help! My friend right now...

My friend's dying! My friend's being hurt!

SHERIF HOYT:

Take a couple of deep breaths.

ERIN:

There's some guy... just...

SHERIF HOYT:

Just quiet down.

ERIN:

Please.

SHERIF HOYT:

Now, what's wrong with your car?

ERIN:

There's nothing wrong with my car.

SHERIF HOYT:

Whoa.

ERIN:

It's my friend. Please help him.

I don't know where he is anymore.

SHERIF HOYT:

Somebody want to explain this?

MORGAN:

It... that's not mine.

SHERIF HOYT:

You kids taking drugs?

MORGAN:

No.

PEPPER:

No.

It's not our van.

SHERIF HOYT:

I smell bullshit.

Get out of the van! Out!

On your faces, all 3 of you! Get on the ground!

ANDY:

No...

Ahhhhhhhh!

SHERIF HOYT:

Arizona...

Colorado...

New York.

ERIN:

Please, you've got to help us!

He's f***ing killing him!

SHERIF HOYT:

Now we're getting someplace.

Who's killing who?

ERIN:

There's some f***ing guy with a f***ing chainsaw!

SHERIF HOYT:

Get your sweet little ass back in the dirt until I say otherwise.

You know what I think? I think your boyfriend shot that little girl and then he ran off.

ERIN:

He did not! Some f***ing guy with a...

Stop! Stop!

PEPPER:

WE ARE GONNA DYE! WE ARE GONNA DIE!

SHERIF HOYT:

You girls better get yourselves under control, or I'm gonna have to do it for you.

PEPPER:

Why won't you listen to her?

SHERIF HOYT:

Get on your feet. Get over by the van.

ERIN:

Please stop.

PEPPER:

We're gonna die... We're gonna die.

SHERIF HOYT:

I want to know exactly what happened inside that van.

MORGAN:

We already told you what happened.

SHERIF HOYT:

And now you're gonna show me.

Is that where she was sitting?

Because the angle don't add up for me with the blood on that back window.

MORGAN:

Maybe she was a bit more in the middle.

SHERIF HOYT:

Well, maybe you ought to move a little more over to the middle.

MORGAN:

But...

SHERIF HOYT:

What, are you afraid of a little blood?

Get the f*** over there!

I don't have much of an imagination so I need to get a distinct image of what went down here.

What did she do next?

MORGAN:

She... She shot herself.

SHERIF HOYT:

Oh, she shot herself.

How?

MORGAN:

What do you mean, how?

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote