The Thrill of It All Page #2

Oh, yes, Mr and Mrs Wingate.

Will you follow me, please?

Mr and Mrs...

Something.

- I'm so glad you could come.

- I'm sorry we're late.

- Sitter problems.

- I can't wait to have that problem.

- So glad to meet you, Mrs Boyer. Doctor.

- Shh!

Shh! Damn!

- Thank you.

- Shh! Damn!

He means me.

Here it comes! Here it comes!

'Before joining the third act

of Happy Playhouse,

'here is a brief word

from our Happy Girl.'

'Hi! I'm Spot Checker.

'I've just been signed

to appear in a motion picture.

'Of course, it's just a small part.

'But all the glamorous movie stars

started out by playing small parts.

'There are so many things

a girl must learn

'before she can become

a glamorous movie star.

'First of all, she has to learn

what clothes to wear and what hairstyle.

'Oh, and how to act.

'A famous star once said to me,

"Spot," she said,

"'it's not enough that you look like a star

or act like a star.

"'You must smell like a star."

'So it was there and then

that I learned about...

'Happy soap - the heavenly soap.

'Lt smells like stars.

'Won't you join me...

'and find true happiness in your bath?

'Just you and a cake of Happy.

Couldn't sell me a cake of that soap.

- That soap saved my life today.

- Who said that?

Put the darn lights on!

- Now, who said that?

- Well, I guess I did.

- Who are you?

- She's with me, sir.

Father, this is Dr Boyer and his wife.

Dr Boyer's my obstetrician.

Oh, yeah! Nice goin', Doc.

Now, young lady,

what the devil did you mean,

"That soap saved my life today"?

It was just a figure of speech, Mr Fraleigh.

How in tarnation can a soap save your life?

Maybe I put it too strongly

but if it weren't for Happy soap,

I'd still be in a hassle with my daughter.

- How's that?

- You really want to hear this?

Yeah. Go on!

Well, um, for years, I've been shampooing

my daughter Maggie's hair

- with a pine tar shampoo.

- Huh?

- With a pine tar shampoo.

- Oh.

- Today she refused to let me.

- Why?

She said the shampoo smelled like

the cracks in the school yard.

- Smelled like what?

- Shut up, shut up! Go on, go on!

Well, she just refused

to let me wash her hair.

Heaven knows she needed it, because

her brother Andrew hit her with a mud ball.

- Ha!

- Why, that little son of a gun.

Because she hit him with one first

right in the mouth.

Ha, ha! Mud ball, right in the mouth. Go on!

Oh, well, she, uh, uh, finally agreed

to let me wash her hair.

But only if I would use Happy soap.

So I did, and she just loved it.

She said that it made her

smell like her piano teacher.

Hear that?

Then her brother Andrew insisted

that I wash his hair with Happy soap.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Mud balls in the mouth! Little kids

that like to smell like their piano teacher.

- Dad, you shouldn't be getting excited.

- Shouldn't be getting excited?

That's the damn trouble with

you young 'uns.

You never know when to get excited!

You should be shoutin' instead of me.

- I should?

- Darn right.

An advertising man.

Don't even know when to shout.

Father, please, we have guests.

If I don't set the sticks of dynamite,

no holes get dug.

Young lady, how would you like to go on

the TV and say what you just said to me?

Uh, what?

- On television.

- Why?

Why? Because I manufacture Happy soap

and I think you can sell it.

But, sir, we've worked so closely

with Spot Checker.

I know how closely you work.

I thought Spot inviting people to join her

in her bath was very effective.

Maybe they're bathing with her

but they aren't using Happy soap.

I like you. Have a nut.

What you said is

what I like to hear on the TV.

- Never did like them skinny starlings.

- "Lets", Dad.

- Let's what?

- Starlets, not starlings.

- Oh, shut up!

- Father, must you?

Yep. Only way to shut him up.

Well, what do you say?

Next Friday on the Happy Playhouse?

Oh, Mr Fraleigh, really. I'm very flattered.

But, um, oh, I couldn't.

- Why not?

- I'm not an actress. I'm a housewife.

Mr Fraleigh, I know my wife.

When she says no...

All I'm asking you to do is

to say the exact thing you said to me.

Only difference is

you'll be saying it to a camera,

and they'll be paying you $332 to say it.

Mr Fraleigh, you're wasting your time.

I know Beverly.

Gerald, um...

if it means that much,

uh, to Mr Fraleigh,

um, maybe I could go on television.

- Beverly!

- Next Friday, it's a deal! Now let's eat.

Bring on the grub!

Hello. My name is Beverly Boyer

and I'd like to tell all of you lovely people

about something that happened

at my home the other afternoon.

Tsk. Oh, dear.

Now, Maggie, why aren't we eating

our porridge?

- It has too many lumps.

- Well, we'll fix that.

Can I have Maggie's lumps?

- Now, really, you don't want them.

- Yes, he does!

I roll 'em in sugar and they taste like candy.

Good morning, group.

- Good morning, Daddy!

- Hi, Daddy.

No breakfast for me today, Olivia.

- Where are you goin'?

- To the hospital.

- You gonna deliver a baby?

- Mm-hm.

- Can you bring it home?

- Course he can't. It's not his baby.

Daddy's only the delivery man,

like the milkman.

But Daddy brought you and me home.

Mommy helped with those deliveries.

If she helps again, will you bring it home?

- OK, I will.

- Oh, you promise, Daddy?

I promise. So long, tiger.

Sweetie. Mm-mmm.

- Bye, Daddy.

- Bye, Daddy.

Drink up your milk.

You want to say ta-ta to Mommy.

We'll be tardy for school. Come on.

Hi there.

My name is Beverly Boyer,

and I'm a housewife.

I'd like to tell all of you about what happened

at my house just the other night.

Hi!

Oh. Hello.

Hi, folks.

My name is Beverly Boyer,

and I'm a housewife.

Mommy, why are you talking to your mirror?

- Oh!

- Why are you talking to your mirror?

Oh, honey, Mother's not talking to the mirror.

She's practising.

- To say your name?

- No, silly. I know my name.

- Hey, you know what?

- What? What? What?

- Mommy's gonna be on television.

- On television?

- Yeah!

- Can we watch ya? Can we watch ya?

Yes, you can. Wait. It might be a bit late

for you, so we have to ask Daddy.

- Yay!

- Mommy's gonna be on television.

Isn't that nice?

- How about that?

- There's your ride. Kiss Mommy goodbye.

Mommy's gonna be a big television star.

I love you. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mommy.

Hello, I'm Beverly Boyer,

and I'm going to be a big television star.

Ohhh.

'So, none of you knows anything.'

- When's Mommy comin' on?

- Shh. Soon, Andy.

'And you know of no, uh, Allied Forces

in the area? '

- 'No.'

- Is that Mommy?

No, Mommy doesn't have black hair.

'You are a very obstinate, proud people.

'But we have ways to make you remember.'

You are completely innocent,

aren't you? Know absolutely nothing.

Oop!

Very well.

We have ways of making you remember

these little unimportant details.

Ways you will not forget.

All right, guard, take them away.

Ah, the young girl, let her stay.

Maybe, mademoiselle, you would care

for a glass of wine?

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