The Toxic Avenger Page #2

present from the boss.

Here.

No way.

You're wasting your time.

No. That's where you're wrong.

You're wasting your time.

Now we're going to waste you!

Ow!

Now you're going to find out

why they call me Cigar Face.

Aaahh!

Get him!

Come on!

What the matter, Clancy?

Get him!

Thes cops are all alike!

A bunch of faggots!

What do you say, shall

I blow his nose off or what?

Boss says if he doesn't

want to cooperate,

we should make love to him.

Well, whatever the boss says, goes.

No, please!

No, I got a family!

Say your prayers, copper!

Oh, sh*t!

Could that be the,

O'Shanahee boy back from school.

No! No!

Grrr!

Ow!

Aaahhh!

Aaaahhhh!

Aaahhh!

I'll get you for this,

you monster f*ggot!

Grrrr!

Don't worry. I won't hurt you.

I don't know what came over me.

I just couldn't control myself.

I've never done anything

like this before.

Bye.

Quiet! Quiet!

Quiet. You'll will raise your hand

and you will ask one

question at a time.

Exactly where did it happen?

It happened in Shinbone Alley.

These three guys were

going to kill me, see.

And then of nowhere comes

this thing, this monster,

I never seen anything like it before.

It took the three guys

and threw them away.

I don't know what it was but,

God bless it, it saved my life.

Alright, boys.

Chief, what have you got?

That alleyway was the most

gruesome sight I have ever seen.

Gruesome, huh?

Have you ever met

my mother-in-law?

Now, that's gruesome

What about Cigar Face?

Have we gotten anything

out of him yet?

He must still be in shock.

All he does is sit around

all day babbling about

some seven foot monster.

Yeah, and the only other clue

we've got are those mops,

stuffed in their mouths.

It must be some political statment.

Do we have any suspects?

Nah, the whole town is suspect.

They were hated by everyone.

Not by me. They were

our two best producers.

Speaking of which, I almost forgot.

The boys made their rounds last

night and here is the collection.

And it would've been

double if it wasn't for this

devastating tragic turn of events.

Yeah.

Aah!

Stop that Elephant Man bullshit.

I am not an animal.

I'm Melvin, the mop boy.

- Who is it?

- It's me, Ma. Melvin.

Aah!

Ma? Ah, Ma!

Tom. Tom, is he dead?

Hey, Tom.

Yes, over here. The zoning

board has besigned

the old Rawlins Chemical Plant

as the new toxic waste site.

Now that's contaminated, but

valuable waterfront property.

We think it's a crime to let that

property go to waste as a dump.

You are aware that would

place our new toxic waste

dump only 20 feet from the

reservoir for the entire area.

I think we have a deal.

Here to better living through chemisty.

Fred, Fred, look at this thing!

Alright, eveyone!

Drop your tacos or

I'll blow your brains out!

Get the cash register!

Okay, you got it!

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

We are the entertainment

for this afternoon.

Now on shotgun,

we've got my man Leroy.

On cash register

we've got magic fingers, Rico!

That's me.

Last but not least yours truely Frank.

On the stick.

Shut up!

Now if you all do just

what we tell you,

you just might get

your asses home intact.

Look who we've got here!

A little mother, and a little baby.

Do you like Mexican food, baby?

How would you like to

have this hot tomale

shoved down your throat?

What are you looking at?

Hey, Frank, teeny boppers!

You like video games,

teeny boppers?

Your mom give you

quarters for video games?

Well, cough them up!

Hey, this one's cute, Frank.

Look how cute she is, Frank.

Say, Leroy, I think she likes you.

Hey, why don't you leave her alone?

We'll give you our money,

if you want money.

Hey, look, pal, why don't

you just let everyone go

and keep me as a hostage, huh?

Huh?

That's an idea, aint it, Frank?

- Yeah.

- No, thanks.

Shut up! It was self defence.

Yo, Leroy, check out

this pretty little thing,

and it's got a dog.

Hey, wait a minute.

I think this b*tch is blind.

Are you sure she is blind, Frank?

Yeah, the b*tch is blind.

Ow!

Hey, what are you doing?

Don't do that!

Let go of me!

Yo, Leroy, you want to

walk this damn dog!

Yeah, sure, Frank.

Harry?

Harry!

What have you done to my dog?

He's gone to the dogs!

Harry! Harry!

I'll make everything alright,

let me introduce you to bend.

Bend over!

Hey, Leroy, always did want

to have me a blind b*tch.

Ow!

I'm going to enjoy this!

Yeah, it's going to be nice.

What the sh*t!

Okay, you motherf***er!

Aah! Aahh!

No, no, no! We're only kidding!

What's the matter?

Can't take a joke?

We're only kidding. Please, no!

Can't do this to me!

No! Please, stop!

Stop, no!

We're only kidding!

Grrr! Grr!

Please, please don't touch me!

Please!

Hey, hey, it's alright.

I'm not going to hurt you.

Are you okay?

Yes, I think so. My dog!

These men killed my dog!

They shot my dog!

Could you take me out of here, please?

Please. I'll never make it

by myself without my dog.

Please.

Okay, alright, but let's

go out the back way.

Hey, don't worry, I won't hurt you.

- Don't trip over the step, Melvin.

- Ah, what?

Ha ha! I better get my cane.

Why don't you have a seat?

There's a place for you on your left.

Right over there.

Ow!

Would like you like something to eat?

Ow! Ow!

Peanut butter and jelly, okay?

Uh-huh.

Good.

Grr!

Now, boys, what have we got here?

We got a nice cripsy taco

supreme over here, chief.

Looks like I got a a

strawberry thickshake here.

What have you got?

I've got a pizza with

the works to go, Jimmy.

Chief, it was unbelievable.

It had an eyeball here,

his nose was twisted to the side.

Huh?

It was the strangest thing

I ever saw in my life

It was a pink elephant, too.

I'm telling ya, these guys

were going to kill us.

It saved our lives. It was a hero.

A hero?

This guy is drunk.

Would you mind if

I touched your face?

No!

No? Why not?

I won't hurt you, Melvin.

It's not that. It's just that

I have a rash on my face.

A rash? You mean acne?

Yeah, that's it.

It's nothing to worry about

but I wouldn't want you to touch it.

You shouldn't be ashamed of acne.

Everybody's has ance at

one time or another.

Hey, I know. Would you

like me to tell your fortune?

Huh?

I read palms. Give me your hand.

What big hands you have.

I bet you're very strong.

Hmm. Let me see.

You're going to have

a lot of good things coming

too you in the future.

You're going to become

a very important man.

Let me see your other hand.

Grr!

Oops! Sorry.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

With us this afternoon is,

Dr. Snodberger, from

Garden State State Cerebral

Relfex Research Centre.

Ah, can you tell me, sir,

is it true the monster

only attacks bad people?

Yo. Yo. Since only bad, evil

people have been destroyed

by the monster, I would have

to answer your question. Ya.

From traces that have

been found at the scenes

of the crime, and analysed,

we have determined

that whatever it is,

this monster has been exposed

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