The Toy Page #8

you will not manage.

Wanna bet?

I assume, Brown, you know

the penalties for libel?

There's nothing in there

everyone doesn't know.

If I say they're lies, they're lies.

But it's the truth.

The truth?

[SCOFFS]

Truth has nothing to do with reality.

You have to deal with reality.

In reality, any one of these people,

with a little persuasion

will say what I want them to say

because I am reality.

Morehouse,

take your pants down.

Sir?

I said, take your pants down.

Right here. Right now.

I have to?

Well, if you value your job.

That's reality.

Get dressed.

Mr. Brown, maybe I could use

your talents on The Bugle.

Cleaning lady get fired?

Starting Monday, in the newsroom.

A press card, salary, everything.

[]

Your hand?

It's that bad out there?

Worse.

[GULPS]

[DOMINOS CLATTERING]

Well, I got a job.

I guess I can be happy about that.

I don't see what you're

so happy about.

My father's gonna tell you to drop

your pants in front of the world

and you're gonna do it.

He treats people like nothing.

Didn't you read our paper?

I can see it now. Headline:

"Jack Brown Sold Out Today

to U.S. Bates, as Expected."

You want me to stare to death?

You think I can feed myself

on high ideas and principles? I can't!

I thought you were world-class.

Your head is in this American dream,

but it doesn't work for me.

Things like truth, justice

and the American way

just do not work for me, okay?

It's a grown-up world.

I'm playing grown-up games.

You could've come

to Houston with me.

As what, man, your toy?

No, as my friend.

Damn, man. I am your friend, Eric.

[SIRENS WAILING]

It's the senator!

Senator Newcomb. Congratulations!

WOMAN:

Senator Newcomb!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Senator Newcomb.

Oh.

Who's that?

Angela. Jesus H. Christ!

Is that her whole name?

Greetings, senator! Greetings!

Oh, U.S., it's so good to see you.

You remember Terry Gay?

I sure do.

My secretary.

You look good enough to eat.

Say, what is all this?

I think it's the orchestra.

Come on in. Party's in the back.

Senator, darling.

Oh, God. My wife. Ha-ha-ha.

ANGELA:

We're not getting back in the bus.

We are here to protest.

Now, we can legally protest.

We are... Mr. Morehouse?

You're Mr. Brown's...

Did you know he's raising money

for the KKK fund?

Angela! Angela!

The auction is tomorrow!

Let me talk to you.

What are you doing here?

MAN:

What's going on?

Where you going?

You know what you're doing?

Somebody could get hurt.

I'm trying to help.

You're not helping.

They're raising money for the KKK.

If you ever loved me, trust me.

I can take care of it. This is Eric.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. You better be right.

I'll be right.

You'd better be right.

Let's go back. Let's get in the van.

MAN:

Get in the van. Let's go.

[HUMMING]

Hi. Heh, heh, heh.

MAN:

Nobody throws a garden party

like U.S. and Fancy Bates.

I want you to know I appreciate

you throwing this party for us.

Old Democrats don't normally

support us young Liberals.

Now, senator,

we agreed to keep this

under our hat, remember?

If they knew this

was a fundraiser,

we'd be here alone.

We wouldn't want that, would we?

Pardon me.

You remember my buddy

and fellow Klan member, Clancy.

Hi, how are you? Good to see you.

The Klan really appreciates

what you're doing.

These Democrats don't normally

support us in the open.

Now, Clarence,

we agreed to keep that

under our hat, remember?

If they knew this was a fundraiser,

we'd be all alone.

Hey, come on over

and meet the senator.

Senator! Meet a friend of mine

by the name of Clarence.

This is the senator. Photographer!

How do you do, sir? it's a pleasure.

Take a little picture of these two.

And make it good.

ERIC:

Hang on to your seat!

Hi, Dad!

What are you doing here,

you a**hole?

Playing with your son.

The question is,

what the hell are you doing here?

You're fired!

Senator, you know who you're

taking a picture with?

NEWCOMB:

No. Who?

The Grand Wizard

of the Ku Klux Klan.

Uh... I didn't know.

That'll surprise a lot of your voters.

He's gonna get a lot of mileage

out of that picture. Ain't you?

You're fired.

You in trouble with the FCC

or the IRS or the FBI, Mr. Bates?

[CHUCKLES]

He doesn't know what he's talking

about. Music! Everybody dance.

Ha-ha-ha.

ERIC:
Let's get him!

Holy sh*t!

JACK:

Whoo!

ERIC:

Hang on!

Go for the tents!

ERIC:
I'll get the other side!

JACK:

Get the tents!

JACK:

Duck, you suckers!

Senator...

Later, Bates.

Fair-weather-friend bastard.

I thought I told you to dance!

Yes, sir!

Don't jump her.

Just dance!

ERIC:
Let's get them again!

JACK:
Let's go back for another try.

Here they come again!

ERIC:
Do your thing, Jack!

ERIC:
Whoa!

All right, war has been declared!

Oh!

MAN:
You show them, Jack!

Angela!

Angela, this is for you!

[ALL LAUGH]

[SCREAMING]

What's the matter?

I'm in the back.

Hang on, wizard!

I'm taking you to Oz.

CLARENCE:

Let me off this thing!

You want to get off here?

ERIC:

Way to go, Jack! All right!

Why, you...

You look like an Eskimo Pie.

No, I've got it. Al Jolson.

Jack, look out!

CLARENCE:

I'll give you an Eskimo Pie!

What's wrong with you?

Are you okay?

Everything okay?

ERIC:

Frulein and Fancy, this is for you!

Oh!

Hey! I've had enough of this.

Put that pie down!

I didn't throw the first pie.

All right, big man,

let's go.

Aah!

Eric!

Aah!

Eric! Eric!

Eric!

Ha-ha-ha.

Why, you nitwit!

[]

Uh-oh. Let's get out of here!

I'm moving it!

I'll get you!

You trying to kill the kid?

No! I'm trying to kill you.

Come on, Jack. Hurry up.

Hang on!

I'll get you!

There's no way to get away!

Can't you go faster? Ow!

I'm hurrying, Jack.

Jack, look out!

U.S.:
You can't get away!

Look out! Aah!

No, no, no! Ah!

Holy cow! it works!

ERIC:

Daddy!

Jack, he's in trouble!

Jack!

But I can't swim!

[JACK SCREAMS]

[MUFFLED]

You dirty son of a b*tch!

[MUFFLED]

What? I can't hear you, Mr. Bates.

Dad!

Come on, Jack, get him!

Daddy!

Daddy, are you okay?

Thank you, Jack.

Thank you.

[SCREAMS]

[WHIMPERING]

Mr. Bates, please don't shoot me!

[SOBBING]

Come in.

[WHIMPERING]

You saved my life.

So I guess I owe you one.

After what I did to your party,

I think we're even, okay?

You know,

that kid loves you.

He never loved me.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You ought to try talking to him.

Yeah, I talk to him.

But he won't talk to me.

Your son, he loves you.

You gotta hug him.

You mean, physically?

Mr. Bates, have you ever

let your son sit on your lap

and put your arms around him

and talk to him?

Pretend I'm Eric, you be Dad,

and I'm home for a week.

Dad, I haven't seen you

in a long time!

I wanna sit in your lap!

How you doing?

Are you crazy?

Yes, but trust me.

Come on, Dad, let's sit down!

Come on!

Pops, how you doing?

Boy, I had a great time all year.

I'll sit in your lap. How you doing?

Hug me. Come on.

Hug me. Say, "I love you."

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