The Trip to Spain Page #11

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however much he may try to be,

pursue pronunciation with the vowels.

- Oh, you do make me laugh, you really,

you do make me laugh.

Oh, we need a laugh, don't we?

Oh, you do make me laugh, Rob, you do.

- That's what he said to me.

- He do that more in private?

- Because when he met me, he said,

"You're a very good actor."

- Ah.

- Ooh, yum.

- Enjoy.-

- You asked for this.

- I did ask for this.

Do you want to come back with me?

I can get you on the same flight.

- No, I'll stay, thank you,

and I'm gonna write

more and finish my book.

- I think the word you're

looking for is start.

Thinkin' about Joe.

20 is a young age to have a child.

- How old were you when you had your kids?

- 43.

- Bit of a difference.

- Yes.

I didn't drink 'til I was 35,

and the first child at 43.

Are the two related?

We'll never know.

- How old, what's her

name, the girlfriend?

- Helen, she's 19.

- 19?

- Gosh.

- Only 19 years old.

- She was only 19 years old!

- I don't mean any

disrespect, Steve, but...

- She was only 19, she was only,

you've got to get the voice better.

- Well, you've got me most in

your voice when you say it.

- She was only.

- Now he has.

- She was 19 years old.

- Joe has met a young lady.

- She was only 19 years old.

- When Joe and Helen had a child

she was only 19 years old.

- She was only, it's

actually 16 in the film.

- I know that, but Helen

was only 19 years old.

And she had the child with Joe.

She had a grandfather who was so talented,

who was so gifted.

- He was only.

- The grandfather was only 50 years old.

- 50 years old.

Hey, do you know who was born in Malaga?

- No.

- Picasso.

- Who?

- Picasso.

- Is that true?

- Yeah, they're openin' a museum to him.

- Who played Picasso

in a very popular film

in the last 10 years?

- Oh, god.

- Who was it?

No, ask Emma.

- Who played Picasso?

Guess, it's one of Rob's five impressions.

That should narrow it down.

- It wasn't Tom Jones.

- Antonio?

No, not allowed.

- It wasn't Tom Jones.

Okay, we're gettin' closer.

We're gettin' warmer.

- Spanish, Spanish.

I don't know.

- Tony Hopkins.

Tony Hopkins played in Surviving...

- Did he?

- Surviving Picasso, I played

the painter, wonderful man.

I don't like to talk about it.

I like to draw.

I like to put the eyes

here, the nose there,

the mouth up there.

- He played Picasso

as a Welshman?

- Well, he didn't do a

Spanish accent, Steve.

- Did he not?

- He doesn't have your

versatility, let's be honest.

- He learned to paint, and

he painted the paintings

in a fiddlety way.

He knew how to instill life,

and he knew how to, uh,

you know, paint, uh, the way these as...

- Uh, Pablo, Pablo.

Some of the men are saying

that you're painting

in a very strange way.

They're saying that the nose

is where the eyes should be.

Some of them are saying you're a Cubist.

- Oh, Pablo?

Is it not captain or sir, hm, eh?

- There are rumblings, Pablo.

- Oh, they want me to put the

nose in the front of the face.

In the middle, like that, that it?

And the eyes next to the

nose, is that what you want?

- Yes, sir.

- Well, tell the men,

when we put the nose by the cheekies,

and we put the eyes up here,

and the mouth 'round the corner,

I was asail 'round the Cape of Good Hope,

goddam your eyes, sir.

- I put the eyes where I want to,

and the nose where I want to.

If you turn your back on me,

I shall put two eyes on your back,

and a nose down by your ass.

Do you want that, sir?

Is that what you want, sir?

Don't turn your back on me.

I will draw you like a

Cubist, that's what I'll do.

If you turn your back on me,

I'll put a nose on your bottom, sir.

'Round the Horn is a good way,

'round the Horn we shall go.

- The most interesting

thing about Picasso is,

why I love him, his early paintings

are very orthodox, very accessible.

He knew how to do all that,

but he said that's not enough.

I want to rewrite the rule book,

and be radical and Avant Garde.

- Are you a bit like Picasso, Steve?

- Well, I empathize with what he did.

- Yes, he is, he is, he is.

He's gonna say it.

- What I'm saying is...

- Let me record

this, hang on, hang on.

- I've got a reservations, Steve Coogan.

- This castle is Gibralfaro,

named after the same man as Gibraltar.

When the Moors came in 711,

they were only a few thousand.

Within a couple of years they controlled

almost all of Spain.

- Wow.

- That's exactly the same

as ISIS and the modern caliphate,

because there's only a

few thousand of them,

and yet they control half

of Syria and half of Iraq.

They're trying to emulate

what the Moors did

when they had control everywhere

from Cordoba to Baghdad.

- Well, ISIS aren't tolerant.

They're not doing it with tolerance and...

- No, they're not, but Islam, uh, is...

- Can we stop talking about ISIS?

- Cervantes was captured

by Barbary pirates

and taken to Algiers.

There was a price on his head,

and when the ransom was paid,

he let his brother go instead of him.

- Very noble.

- Is that true?

- That is true.

- He let his brother go,

when he could have gone.

- Yeah.

- Wow.

- I know.

- Not sure I'd do that.

Would you do that, let your brother go?

- Uh, probably not.

- No, I don't think I would either,

with the best one in the world.

- No.

If my child we there,

they could take my child.

- Oh, yeah, absolutely.

- I'd let any child go.

- Any child?

- Any child, as long as it, you

know, I mean, not any child.

I mean, it has to be worth the effort.

- Cervantes, when he tried

to escape, he's captured,

he had a noose around his neck.

He was talking to Hassan,

the leader of Algiers,

and he became his lover to

literally save his neck.

- Bum or neck?

- Yeah.

- If that's what it comes down to, yes.

- Life or bum.

- Well, either way your buggered.

- Let me say now, I'm in.

- Really?

- He's in, rather, he's in.

- Ah, but they became lovers,

so it would be in-out-in-out.

- You see that ferry?

- Yeah.

- That's the ferry for Africa.

- Really?

- Mm.

It's always good to say

goodbye in the mist.

Like, uh, end of Casablanca.

- Could be the start of

a beautiful friendship.

- Be the start of a beautiful friendship.

- Could be the start

of a beautiful friendship.

- You gotta get the depth.

- I got the depth right there.

- Look at that mystical city.

- Right, I'm gonna make a move.

Um, early flight.

- Yeah, me too, actually.

- Oh, mm.

- Mm, Oh.

- We say our goodbyes now.

- Okay, okay-

- Yeah, sure

you're gonna be all right?

- Yeah, no, so, uh, I'm really

looking forward to this week.

Writing, and...

- All right, good.

- Buona via, you know.

Hey, what can we say?

- It's been a week.

- It has.

- And I'll see you...

- In another country.

- In the future.

- In the future.

- Have fun now.

- Yeah, okay.

- Bye.

- And we disappear into the mist.

Could be the start of

a beautiful friendship.

- Buenos diaz.

- Hi.

- Oh, you're English.

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