The Trip to Spain Page #7

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his cannon 'gainst self-slaughter.

- Has Russell Brand ever clone Shakespeare?

- You're doin' Mick Jagger.

- Oh, no, god.

- You're doing Mick Jagger.

- We", I, urn!

What you said.

- Hah!

- Hah, what's that?

- All right, yeah, all right.

- Huh, huh, huh!

That's not Mick Jagger.

That's only noises.

- Yes it is.

Steve, you're doin' it wrong.

- Let's see what'll you have?

- Quiet and let me do it.

- No, you can't do it,

you're copying Morrisey.

And he doesn't look like that.

That's all gay.

- I see.

- He does like that.

- A piece of work's mine, ah-ah-ah.

- He goes really deep sometimes

and you can't get down there.

It can only go up there.

He's gotten down, so do him properly.

- You saying I can't get down there.

You're seriously saying

I can't get down there.

- No, let's stop, but

don't just say anything

about Mick Jagger.

Ah.

- Gracias.

- Muchas gracias.

- Si, si.

- Ha-ha-ha-hah.

- I like wine.

No spoon or fork.

Muchas gracias.

- Uh-huh.

- So, George Orwell came

over to Spain in 1936.

- Oh.

One year after the birth of Elvis.

- He came out to Barcelona with his wife.

- With his wife.

- She stayed there,

when he went to...

- Mini-break.

She stayed there,

when he went to...

- It's a good place

for a mini-break.

Is that what they were doing?

Were they able to do that in those clays?

- Do you want to learn anything

about the Civil War at all,

or do you think it's like, I just think,

no, I don't really give a

damn about the Civil War.

Not that interested in it.

- I want to learn something

about the Civil War.

- Okay, so he came out to

Barcelona, left his wife there,

went off to the front

to fight, 50 miles away.

When he came back, he was so disillusioned

with the intellectuals who

were back in Barcelona,

when he went back there, he saw them all.

They'd become bourgeois.

They'd lost sight of their ideals.

He said they were eating fancy

food in posh restaurants.

So he went back to the front one more time

and eventually got shot in the throat.

Couldn't speak for six months.

- Where's a bullet to the

throat when you need one?

I don't think if I were to say to Sally,

I'm going off to fight, she

wouldn't stand there, just say,

all right, you're going off to be killed.

- Yeah, or kill.

- That's a very good point,

'cause that's something

else I couldn't do.

- I wouldn't fight in a

war 'cause I've got kids.

- I got kids.

- Yeah, but if I didn't

have kids, I think I would

be up for that.

- I don't think you would.

- I think I would.

- I think you'd like to think you would,

but I don't think you would.

You could go and entertain the troops.

You could go and do Alan

Partridge for the troops,

that's what you would do.

And all these proper men, who

are giving over everything,

would love as you came out and went ah-ha.

You know what I'd love, if a

sniper got you at that moment.

Ah-ugh.

You didn't even finish the ah-ha.

You'd only got to ah.

- I'd do that hah as my dying breath.

- I don't think you would.

- I would.

- No, you wouldn't.

- Ah,.

- If it was to the head, you idiot.

- Ah, ha.

- You wouldn't say ah-ha.

- I'd get the ha out.

- There'd be no ha.

And I'd say, if Steve were here now,

I know what he'd say, ha...

- Ha.

- Hm.

- Hello.

- Hi, Steve.

- Hello, Emma, love.

- How are you, how's it going?

- Doing very well, yes.

- Good, good, how's Rob doing?

- Rob is great, he's

going very well, indeed.

You're on, you're on...

- I'm good, I'm good.

- Yeah, you're on speakerphone,

that's why I'm being nice.

- Hiya, how are you?

- I love you, I'm just, uh,

I'm calling to remind you

that I'm coming out to see you tomorrow.

Yay.

- Thank god, I'm at a breaking point.

- Oh, wow, okay, great, and

I'm bringing Yolanda with me.

Due to the fact that

it's the New York Times?

- Oh, great.

- And the Observer

- I just want to remind

you, that they do want you

to dress up as Don Quixote

and Sancho Panza, okay?

- What a surprise.

- Which one am I?

- You are to be our Sancho Panza.

Hey.

- Yeah, good,

supporting role, as ever.

- The Parador de Cuenca

is a majestic former convent,

careful, perched above the Huecar Gorge

with stunning views of the old town.

- Oh, so that's, look at that.

Oh, that's beautiful.

- Very nice

Now don't look at it too much.

- Hello.

- Hi, is that Rob Brydon.

- Uh, speaking.

- I've got Matt Jenkins for you.

- Okay.

- Hey, Rob Bryden.

- Hello.

Hi, Matt.

- Hey, man, how you doin'?

- Yeah, I'm all right, how are you?

- I'm good, how's, uh, London?

- Oh, I'm in Spain.

I'm not in London, I'm in Spain.

- Hi, Greg.

- Hi, Steve, how are you?

- I've been better.

Do you know they brought a new

writer on to rewrite Missing?

- Yeah, but it's nothing,

it's just, it's standard.

Just for a polish, that's all.

- I'm with Steve, with,

uh, with Steve Coogan.

- Ah, Steve Coogan,

yeah, yeah, good, good.

- Is this the Matt that's Steve's agent?

- Yeah, it is, well, no, I

mean, I've left the agency.

We met at Sundance, you remember that.

- I've got two Oscar nominations.

Uh, last film I wrote had four

Academy Award nominations.

- Yeah, I know, but Joey, he's really,

he's great, he's up and coming.

UP and coming?

I've up and come.

I've already up and come.

- You have, no, yeah, absolutely,

you have, Steve, you have.

- Look, lemme cut to the

chase, I saw you in the

Horseman.

- The Huntsman.

- The Huntsman, saw you in The Huntsman.

Thought you were fantastic, man.

I mean, really, you burnt up the screen.

You've got it, that little

midget walk you did.

The screen loves you, but you

were being underused there.

So let me cut to the chase, okay.

You should be doing what

Nick Frost is doing.

- Well, I did, I did

The Huntsman with him.

- This is what I'm saying.

You should be doing what

James Corden is doing.

You know, he's the biggest thing on TV.

- I was with James in Gavin & Stacey.

- I heard about that, it was

supposed to be fantastic.

I, I, uh, missed it, but

I'll definitely get a copy.

You know, you should

be the new Simon Pegg.

You should be, you could be, you will be

the new Ricky Gervais.

- Oh, gosh, well, Ricky,

that's what we all dream of.

- What does Jeff think of this?

- Jeff's fine with it.

Jeff's very busy doing another

screenplay for Fox, so he...

- What script is Jeff doing for Fox?

I didn't know that.

- The script for George Clooney.

- The George Clooney?

Right, okay, I had no idea about that.

Another thing I had no idea about.

- Have you ever done any hosting?

You know, the awards ceremonies?

- I hosted the LA BAFTAs once.

- The what?

They have LA BAFTAs?

Who do they give those to?

Listen, never mind, you should

be hosting the Golden Globes.

This is what I'm talkin' about.

- It's my script, I wrote

it, well I co-wrote it,

I'm producing it, I'm gonna star in it,

not Tim Huddleston or some

other f***in' posh twat.

- This should be the best phone call,

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