The Trouble with Bliss Page #5

No, really.

Really. Liberace, Bob

Hope, and Bruce Jenner,

all on one stage, one night.

Bruce Jenner... you mean the

guy from the wheaties box?

The olympian. Him.

You almost had me!

I thought you were serious!

I am serious. My mother took me.

I was 12.

I was too young to appreciate

the oddness of the whole thing.

I had no idea

who these people were

or what it was

we were about to see.

That, and I was angry

with my mother then.

Oh, I can't think of a time I

wasn't angry with my mother, right?

And she died, right?

Now I don't know

who to be angry with.

How'd she die?

How does anyone die?

Something stops.

Something doesn't stop.

Cancer. A car wreck.

Coronary.

But it's all good, right?

I'm not saying things are bad.

I'm not complaining.

I just... wish things

could be clean and clear,

with smooth edges.

Right. Why can't I just bolt off

witty lines when I need to?

No, you speak well.

Mmm.

I speak well.

Right.

But tell me something:

Something you like about me.

I like your, uh...

Dress.

And I like you, right?

I like you a lot.

Me and Georgie had a terrible,

terrible fight last night.

I stormed out of

the house, right?

I stayed with my friend who

lives on 88th and Lexington

in this tiny little place

she claims is a one-bedroom

but really is just

a glorified studio

with a Pullman kitchen.

I'm sorry.

You know what

frightens me the most?

Not being appreciated.

At home, I don't

feel appreciated, right?

That, and turning shabby.

I don't want to be

like a couch.

I don't want to get worn

and run down and lumpy.

I don't want to wake up one

day and realize I look used.

You know what happens

to shabby couches, right?

You... you've seen them,

right, on the street?

They get junked.

We shouldn't be doing

this right here.

- I want to see your place!

- Nah, daddy's home!

Daddy?!

I mean, Danny,

my father. He's home.

Oh. Kinky. I like it.

It's just... mmm...

He's not well, so...

Oh, right.

Oh, that's so sweet of you,

taking care of him.

Is he medicated?

- Yeah, he is.

- Maybe he won't notice!

No, it's just, um...

I... it's really tempting.

I just...

Oh, wait. Shh, shh, shh.

I think it's George. I swear

he's got a GPS on me.

Maybe you should go.

Mnh!

Right.

Hey, I hope

your dad gets better.

Yeah, thanks!

- N. J. ?

- I found it, man.

- Found what?

- The woman.

The one. My life, man.

The reason to go on.

Two days ago, you were getting married.

What happened to that woman?

That was years ago, man. Two

things happened since then,

two important things, but I

gotta get running. I gotta go.

I gotta get packed. Packed?

Where are you going?

Montana, man.

Montana? What's in Montana?

Me, and the one. The woman.

To think, she's... she's been in

your building this whole time.

- Who lived in my building?

- My Bliss, Bliss.

Hattie.

Hattie Rockworth.

Hattie Rockworth?

Morris.

Morris, come on in here.

Found these in the bathroom.

Know they're not mine.

You don't wear these, do you?

Surprise.

Please tell me

you don't wear these.

Nope, they're not mine.

I'm not running a hot-sheet

hotel here, you know.

This is not where my

money's been going, is it?

She's not coming.

Jesus!

Who's not coming?

Sh*t! Yeah, right, who.

Stephanie.

Sorry about the coffee.

Look, she's not coming.

She told me to tell you that,

and to meet her tonight out front

of the Velvet Cigar Lounge,

And she said you'd buy me a

pepperoni slice and a root beer.

I'm not buying you anything.

Personally, I think you

two are perfect together.

You're both really gross!

What's up with the outfit,

you join the rodeo?

When in Rome...

What's that supposed to mean?

Montana, man.

It's what they wear in Montana.

It's what I'll be

wearing when I herd.

Herd what?

Buffali.

Check this out.

Hattie gave it to me.

Is it a tapeworm?

It's a Red Thread.

I'm in the cartel. I'm in.

Come on. I want

to show you something.

Come on!

See?

So... what you're telling me

is there's a secret cartel...

Yeah, the Red Thread.

... that controls the

world's energy resources

and runs an international

sex trade...

- And this Maddie woman...

- Hattie.

... Hattie, who you met yesterday

while waiting for me,

is now the new love

of your life,

who you're running

away to Montana with,

introduced you to her father,

who runs the North American chapter

of the cartel, the Red Thread.

Yeah. That's him.

He's sponsoring you to become

a full-fledged member,

which merely entails you

initiating a coup

in some third-world country.

Yeah.

That's okay. It took me a few

minutes to digest it all too.

But look at this.

Yeah?

Here. Look from here.

- And I'm looking at... ?

- Right over here.

"Sex street, tail market. "

The highest-grossing sex

trade market in the states,

but we're getting

raided tonight,

so we have to move operations.

I gotta go. I wish you...

Luck with it.

You don't believe me, do you?

What? Of course I believe you.

Yeah, just like I believe you

went to Cuba last summer,

or that Nigerian

terrorist training camp

you visited

two christmases ago,

or the time Bill Gates called

you to ask your opinion

on one of his products.

Of course, I believe you.

Wait a minute, maybe I'm

being a little sensitive,

but I think I'm detecting

some harshness in your tone.

- Really?

- Yeah.

No.

N. J. , I love

to hear your stories.

It's fascinating.

It's hard to believe that

one guy could be so lucky

to meet so many famous

people, travel the world,

without ever leaving

the East Village.

Oh, what about your little map,

all the places you plan to go.

'Least I've done

something, man.

Yeah, lied.

You remember how we met?

I saved your life, man.

That day in the pool,

you were a rock

and I was Mark Spitz.

I pulled you up, man!

Sh*t!

Morrie, old buddy,

what are you doing here?

You smoke cigars?

Oh, no. I'm just

waiting for... someone.

It's nice seeing you.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Where are you going?

Bloody, Eagles, baby.

We need to have that drink.

Yeah, I'd love to, but

I'm waiting for someone.

Oh, yeah? Waiting on a girl?

Yeah, a girl.

Yeah, is she, like,

super fly, super hot?

Yeah! Look,

I've got to take off.

Surprise!

Andrea.

What are you doing here?

Stalking you.

- Really?

- Bliss!

Where's your manners?

Who's this pretty little filly?

So, after last night,

after our drinks

and all that...

Talking... we did,

what you said

really sank in, right?

- What'd I say?

- Right, like you've forgotten?

No, really. It really

cut me to my soul,

so this morning I woke up and

thought, "you know, Andrea",

time for something new. "

An adventure, right?

Sounds like the Professor's

finally gotten tenure.

Uh, I'm the Axe.

I'm sure the Professor's

told you all about me.

So, I'd love to do

some more talking,

but George gets really jealous.

- George is here?

- Yeah, he's just getting our coffee.

George, over here!

I bought him that

shirt as a joke,

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