The Trouble with Girls Page #2

- Where are you gonna go and when?

- Oh, well, I don't know when.

But probably New York or Chicago.

And I'm gonna get you a boyish bob

and all new clothes.

- Just because of the pageant?

- Oh, well, you don't understand.

Oh, well, I mean, I give you

that it isn't the Ziegfeld Follies.

But it's a beginning.

The Methodists make better

cookies than the Lutherans.

- Let me see.

- Just you wait and see. They'll all see.

This whole town will see, because

one day, we're gonna come back here.

We'll just be passing through. And they'll

all come to the train depot to meet us.

And I'll have on a long fur coat. I think

I'll even get you a dress from Paris.

That's Paris, France.

And I'll have on long, black gloves

and they'll bring me flowers...

...to the observation car,

where we'll be standing...

Bye, Mr. Hamilton.

You were a peachy Don Giovanni.

See you next year, Mr. Hayes!

The Pagliacci was great.

Miss O'Brien, those numbers

from Ada made me cry. Honest.

- Boy, it really works.

- What works?

My new way of remembering

people's names.

There's so many people, I had to find

some way to remember all the names.

And it's easy. I think of people now

as different kinds of animals.

Miss O'Brien looks like

a Baltimore oriole.

So I reversed the B-O

and get O-B for O'Brien.

Hamilton looks like a leech,

treacherous. Aaron Burr was a traitor.

Traitors are treacherous.

Aaron Burr killed Hamilton.

Hayes looks like a rat.

Rats are in the hay.

You're a cuckoo.

From the moment I got up, my sore

shoulder's been killing me. I know...

- Hello, there!

- Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

Where's Clarence?

What you need Clarence for?

He's supposed to be looking

for my helmet.

- Oh, the hell with your football helmet.

- Mr. Hale!

That's trouble.

Good morning!

Good morning, sir!

- Good morning.

- Mrs. Gilchrist, you look charming.

- We're... We're very upset.

- About what?

Well, we thought Lily-Jeanne

was gonna be the lead.

- But she's only the dormouse.

- Probably some mistake.

First I've heard about it.

Now, you know, I have been

a big Chautauqua booster for years.

I go back to the days when I was a kid

right here in Radford Center...

...and the Redpath used to come through.

I remember them all. I-- Yes.

But this little girl

and the colored kid...

Now, I'm not against the colored.

There's no Klan feeling here.

We've got a few Catholic families in town.

We're broad-minded. It's not that.

There's even a Hebrew family.

But this little girl, Carol, and her mother...

- I'll check into it.

- Yeah, we'll check into that.

Well, thank you very much.

Pain seems to have moved

down a little bit.

Yale! Get Clarence and Rutgers

and the guys for a game of football.

Hey, great. Yeah.

- Hey, boss-man!

- That's you.

- We'd like to play for your show.

- Well, now, just a minute. We really...

It's all right.

Sing a song, go ahead.

- How long are you folks gonna be around?

- You're just passing through. We live here.

P-A-Y.

- Wanna see a movie?

- It's closed.

I could use the bathroom.

Hey, maybe we can buy something

in here. With the dollar!

Sometimes my mom gets things for what

they cost, because she works here.

I always get things for what they cost.

They tell you how much it cost

and you pay and get it.

- What it costs isn't what you pay for it.

- That's bushwah.

- My mom told me that.

- That's dumb.

- It's not dumb, it's business.

- Then business is dumb. Let's go.

What do you kids want?

- Morning, sir.

- Hi.

- We wanna buy something.

- Yeah?

- How much you got to spend?

- A dollar.

A dollar?

Well, now, let's...

Let's take a look here.

Don't say anything about

that dumb cost thing.

Because your mother works here, I've got

to sell you things at what they cost me.

That's spiffy.

Where is your mother, anyway?

Out at the Chautauqua?

Listening to Gilbert and Solomon.

- Is that more than a dollar?

- A lot more.

- Hey, I've got an idea.

- What?

- How about some fireworks?

- It's after the Fourth.

Well, I'll give you

a good price on them.

I'll give them to you for less

than they cost me.

- What'll we do with them?

- You store them someplace till next year.

Look, Carol, I'm just trying to do you

a favor, because your mother works here.

I mean, for a lousy buck, I'm gonna

give you this whole box of fireworks.

Now, if you don't want them...

...why, that's okay too.

We'll take them.

I'd hate to tell you what

I paid for these things.

Now, you're practically

stealing them from me.

But you're... You're good kids.

One thing, though.

If you get caught with them,

don't tell anybody where you got them.

They are illegal.

- Thank you, sir.

- Bye.

Bye-bye.

You! I wanna talk to you.

Bet you'd have heard me

if I'd said "lunch."

Children of yesterday.

Heirs of tomorrow.

Mary Artemesia Lathbury.

Well, how are you,

my little darlings?

And what do you have

in that glorious box?

Nothing.

Watch where you're going!

Nothing on earth consumes a man more

quickly than the passion of resentment.

Nietzsche. Keep the change.

There ain't none.

- I'm Mr. Morality.

- I know.

I'm certain, my dear, that you remember

that I always sleep with four pillows.

No, but I'll get them for you.

- Why do you sleep with four pillows?

- I sleep propped up.

Then, when I think of something

immortal in my sleep...

...I'm in a better position

to write it down.

You're a good man.

When you see a good man,

think about emulating him.

When you see a bad man,

examine your own heart.

Confucius.

You're a mighty good man!

Good men are the stars,

the planets of the ages...

...wherein they live

and illustrate their time.

Jonson. Without an H.

You're a safe driver.

I felt very secure with you.

Out of this nettle danger,

we pluck this flower safely.

Shakespeare.

You're not only handsome,

you're bright.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Let's go.

- You're carrying it like it's something.

- Well, it is.

We gotta make it look like

it's nothing.

If I make it look like it's nothing,

somebody will think it's something.

Because who would go around carrying

nothing like it wasn't something?

We gotta get it into the dried-up, rotten

tree stump on the other side of the lake.

And then tomorrow we'll take it down

to Willis Hood's stables...

...where nobody will touch it,

because all his horses died, and then...

- Get him!

- Get him!

- Get him!

- Come on, Clarence!

- Get him!

- Hurry!

Hurry up! Come here!

Come on, it's important! Hurry up!

Hey, come on.

We got a big problemo here!

It was a real close game.

We were ahead, 110-97.

Come on!

Hurry!

Right over here.

Hi, kids.

What have you been doing?

Nothing?

Just step right in here. I have something

very interesting I want you to see.

- What do we do with it now?

- Pick it up later. Let's go.

Yeah, look at that.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

- I mean the tent.

- What about the tent?

It's empty. And that

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