The Trouble with Harry Page #4

It said... He was a Taurus.

It said, 'Don't start|any new project that day.

- It could never be finished. '|- And what did you do?

I left him on the spot,|and went home to mother's. The end.

What a poignant story.

I knew you'd understand.

- Nobody else does.|- Not even mother?

She thought I should live with him,|but I wouldn't.

He pestered me to go back,|but I always refused.

Well, suppose some night|I wanted him to do something...

like the dishes, for example.

- His horoscope wouldn't let him.|- You're absolutely right.

There are some things|I just don't like to do by myself.

And no one with any true|understanding would blame you for it.

When Arnie was born, I moved to where|I thought Harry could never find me.

I changed my name and...

But he was persistent?

This morning there was a knock|on the door.

Before I opened it, I knew he was|standing on the other side.

- What did he want?|- Me!

He wanted me because I was his wife.

He wanted me because, as he put it,|he suddenly felt some basic urge...

- Loneliness.|- What'd you feel?

I felt sick. Did you see|his moustache and his wavy hair?

Yeah, but when I saw him,|he was dead.

Yeah, he looked exactly the same when|he was alive, except he was vertical.

So he entered. What'd you say?

Nothing. I hit him over the head with|a milk bottle and knocked him silly.

Silly?

Bats. Tappy.

He staggered up towards the woods|saying he was gonna find his wife

and drag her home if it killed him.

Apparently it did.

Have some more lemonade.

Why, Captain Wiles, what a surprise.

But you invited me, Miss Gravely.|At least that's how I remember it.

Of course I did, Captain,|but somehow, it's still a surprise.

Oh, yes. You certainly know|how to make a man feel wanted.

Won't you come in, Captain?

Thank you.|I... I've looked forward to it.

Takes a real cook to|make a good blueberry muffin,

to keep the blueberries|from sitting on the bottom.

High-bush blueberries,|that's the secret.

I picked 'em up near where you shot|that unfortunate man.

A real handsome man's cup.

It's been in the family for years.

My father always used it|up until he died.

I trust he died peacefully,|slipped away in the night.

He was caught in a threshing machine.

I hope I haven't distressed you,|Captain.

Not at all. Not at all.

I'm used to looking on the rough side|of things.

I am man who's faced death|many times.

Rather recently too.

Yeah.

Arnie. What are you carrying there?

- A rabbit.|- A rabbit?

- What do you call it?|- Dead. It ain't mine.

- Well, whose is it?|- Yours. You shot it with your gun.

You must've killed it today.|It should make a nice stew for ya.

A rabbit! I finally killed a rabbit!

- Where'd you get it?|- In the blueberry muffins.

- What?|- Out in the woods.

Oh, here you are. One muffin|for one rabbit. Fair enough?

That was a two-muffin rabbit.

- I gotta go now.|- Oh.

Hm.

It's, uh, certainly a nice afternoon,|Miss Gravely.

- Isn't it?|- Mm.

Yes, and you're, you're a nice woman.

And I think you're awfully nice,|Captain Wiles.

Um, um.|Let's get back to our little problem.

Harry. What's going to become of him?

Oh, now, now.|Don't you worry about Harry.

He'll be comfortably|underground before nightfall.

All that digging and work.|Couldn't you just...

let him slide off the end|of your boat pier into the pond?

And have him pop up like a cork?|No, sir.

Nobody ever popped up|from under four feet of ground.

No. Besides, they'll be|cutting ice there this winter.

Now wouldn't it be a nice thing|if they were cutting blocks of ice -

Never mind, Captain. You're right.

Yes. Underground is the best place|for Harry.

He seems comfortable, Sam,|very comfortable and snug.

We better find a place and get it dug|and the sooner the better.

If what you say about Mrs Rogers|and her husband is true, I agree.

Well, let's find a place.

No use making hard work out of it. We|need a place where the earth is soft.

And a place where the whole town|won't stumble over us as we work.

Mm. A place with a certain|character and attractiveness.

Facing west so that Harry|can watch the setting sun.

- Where it'll be cosy in winter.|- And cool in the summer.

You know, I'm half envying Harry.

It wouldn't take much longer|to dig it twice as wide.

Well, thanks for your kindness,|but some other time.

- Here. This looks like a good place.|- Ahh!

You're a lucky fellow, Harry Worp.

- Come on, off with your coat.|- Who, me?

Certainly you.|It's your body, isn't it?

I'm not much of a hand|at grave digging.

You should've thought of that|before you went hunting this morning.

Calvin Wiggs. What'll we do now?

Think up the best story|he's ever heard.

Lay down your shovel, Sam.

- What's the trouble?|- I'm dead beat.

Good.|I was dead beat ten minutes ago.

I wanted to keep digging|until you gave up.

- Brrrr! Gives me the creeps.|- Yeah?

Come on.|Let's get Harry and pop him in.

With hasty reverence.

There. Would you like to say|a few words, Captain?

Yes, I would. Harry Worp, don't ever|show your face around here again.

Let's finish this job|and get out of here.

Captain, I think Calvin Wiggs|is looking for something.

Think he knows Harry Worp came here?

Sammy, that's as horrible|a thought as you've ever had.

And that he wonders what happened|to Harry and where he is?

My only answer is to keep|on scraping, and fast.

If you must kill things from now on,|I wish you'd stick to rabbits.

- The body's smaller.|- Rabbits! I didn't tell you, did I?

- I shot a rabbit today!|- Don't shout. I know you did.

I was up at Jennifer Rogers'|when Arnie showed me the rabbit.

Jennifer, eh?|Didn't waste much time, did you?

Well, I don't blame you, Sammy.

A very nice widow she'll make.|Very nice.

Let's discuss her|when we've finished with Harry.

No need to get huffy. I don't want|to talk about your affairs.

I've got affairs of my own.

- You mean my protge?|- Come again?

Miss Gravely. The lady I renovated|at Mrs Wiggs' this afternoon.

A most remarkable|reversion to femininity.

I don't quite get you, Sammy boy.

She came into the Emporium|in rather high excitement.

Wanted a new cup and saucer,|lots of other things.

I gave her a new makeup|and hairdo.

Don't tell me you didn't notice.

She's a nice lady.

- Very nice.|- We're all nice.

I don't see how anyone|could help but like guys like us.

I agree. I don't know whether|I've grown rose-colored glasses or -

Or if you're in love?

Aha!

There's nothing like finding yourself|in love.

No, it adds zest to your work.

Zest! Zest!

I think I've had enough zest|for a while.

- Let's sit down and rest, huh?|- Oh, why not. We've earned it.

Tell me, Sam, What did Jennifer think|of my shooting?

You mean Mrs Rogers?

Oh, I think by now I'm entitled to be|on a first-name basis with her.

After all, I brought her a happy|release with one bullet.

One bullet? How 'bout that|"No Shooting" sign that I found?

Well, that. One bullet|for the "No Shooting" sign,

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