The True Memoirs of an International Assassin Page #5

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- Or is it so beyond stupid it's brilliant?

No, it's just stupid. That's it.

Look, I'm taking this guy off the board,

all right?

- I'm gonna go get the C-4.

- Oh, don't start with the C-4.

We can't kill an American.

Well...

not directly.

Traitor!

He is an international assassin.

Of course he's gonna go

with the highest bidder.

And right now, that's General Ruiz.

You really should read his book.

I want every cop in the city

looking for that pig.

And when they find him,

I want him to die a long, painful death.

- Understood.

- And tell Paolo

to bring me another Zima

and clean this up.

You killed Paolo, Jefe.

What the hell, Anton?

You can't just shoot someone

in front of us.

At least wait until we leave.

Damn!

All right. Whole night's ruined.

That's just...

- Something is wrong with you.

- I know.

- In the head.

- It's not even...

How did you get here?

Did anyone spot you?

Well, why don't you take a look at me,

and then take a look at everybody else

who lives here?

I'm gonna say,

yeah, I think I was spotted.

Here you go.

I could've done that myself.

I opened it for you. It's not a big thing.

So, this is your case against

Masovich, huh?

Five years of my life.

It looks a lot like my place.

Yeah, except the stuff on my walls

is real.

Yeah? How's this for real?

I just met with the president's

number one adviser.

- General Ruiz?

- Mm-hm.

- How did you get a meeting with him?

- How I get most of my meetings here.

I was abducted.

Guess who he wants me to eliminate

at the inauguration ball.

Masovich.

- Bingo-vich.

All arriba.

So, I gotta ask, why are you

so obsessed with taking down Masovich?

The country would be a lot better off

with him behind bars and...

- President Cueto out of power.

- I mean, why you?

Because my parents grew up here.

Because the DEA assumed I'd fail.

And honestly, because if I don't do it...

- who will?

- It just...

It just seems so dangerous, you know?

You're down here by yourself and...

Is it really worth risking your life?

We're all gonna die.

Not all of us get to make a difference.

I know I certainly haven't.

If I could get the president to admit,

on tape,

to ordering the hit on Masovich,

I could probably get them

to turn against each other.

Maybe get one of them to flip.

You're definitely gonna get yourself

killed.

I'm not talking about me.

You.

Tomorrow night at the inauguration,

wearing a wire.

- Oh, no, no, no.

- This could be your chance

to start making a difference.

I promise...

I won't let anything happen to you.

- My shoulder!

- Get down!

I got shot! I got shot!

What about not letting anything

happen to me? I'm dying. I'm dying.

- You're not dying. Shut up!

- You shut...

- Ever been shot before?

- Yeah, twice.

Yeah, I got shot square.

Okay, I'm definitely dying.

I can't feel my thumb.

- What the hell?

- Go!

Come on.

Let's go.

Huh?

No!

Hurry up!

Come on. I've got a go-bag at the mission.

So, let me guess.

The hero from your book

used that trick with the lamp.

Well, no.

The last actuary table I ran

was on home electrical fires.

So, we can thank Trent's d-pic.

That sounds very, very weird.

Um... 'Cause you don't know Trent.

And it's weird on its own.

Wouldn't a hospital be better?

Can't go to a hospital.

You don't get it, do you?

Those guys were cops.

Masovich owns this city.

I wasn't joking when I said

the DEA wrote me off.

I've been down here on my own forever.

I don't have any more resources.

That was my last safe house.

Well, then, how would I be getting

to the inauguration?

What are you talking about?

I'll do it.

I'll wear a wire.

No, you were right. It's too dangerous.

We gotta get you out of here.

- Mission's over.

- Mission is not over.

- The Ghost doesn't just walk away.

- You are not the Ghost.

You said, "Get out of your head

and get in the game."

Sam, we almost died tonight.

We're all gonna die.

Not all of us get to make a difference.

We'd need a small army to protect us

while we got ready.

I think I know where to find one.

Tell El Toro the Ghost is here.

It is the Ghost.

The one and only.

And you, who is this?

Rosa Bolivar.

DEA, idealist, patriot.

She's a badass.

She's a big fan of yours, too.

- You know? Yeah.

- Seems very nice.

My shoulder, man! I got shot.

Qu Bonita.

I have thousands of followers

all over Venezuela,

but I cannot think of anybody

as beautiful as you.

Yes. Muy Bonita, we get it. Okay.

Let's focus on what's important.

Yours truly just received

a personal invite to...

a certain black-tie event.

You see? What did I tell you?

That's right, Juan.

The plan is in motion.

Tomorrow I'll be in position

to take out el Presidente.

But there is one catch.

- Anton Masovich is trying to kill us.

- The Russian Moby?

- Yeah.

- Screw him.

If you want me to take out the president,

I need your men to keep us alive.

- Anything for you, friend.

- Yeah.

- Anything.

- All right.

Anything for you. Come.

Mi casa es Su casa.

We got our small army.

Let's get you ready

for the ball, Cinderella.

No one's gonna be able

to bring a weapon into the palace, so...

if you can steal one of these

from the presidential guard, use it.

Let's see.

- You're a good shot.

- I've spent time at the range.

Don't get me wrong.

You're good,

but you're not as good as me.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, really.

Why don't you try this on?

Okay, that's really cool.

- But not practical.

- No, you could use that in the field.

- Bullshit.

- I used it in my book.

- Sam, what we're about to do is...

- I know.

- It's not a book.

- Let's just call it a night.

Wait a second.

- You're worried about me.

- No.

Yeah.

That's why you're a one-woman operation.

Why you push people away

with the nicknames.

If you're on your own, you don't

have to worry about losing anyone.

You can't get hurt.

How did you know?

I'm a writer.

I notice the details.

It was just really hard

when my first partner died.

I'm really sorry.

Then I lost two more

in just one year.

Three?

Three of them died?

I mean, three here.

But before that, I lost two

while I was on assignment in Mexico.

Five of your partners,

they're dead? Five of them?

They call me the jinx back in D.C.

No one will work with me.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Come on, don't cry.

- Everyone who touches me dies.

You're messing with me, aren't you?

Thought you noticed the details.

You are good.

Hell, yeah, I am. Pack this up.

Let's go.

My kind of gal.

They disappeared into the jungle.

Two of our men tried to follow them,

but they were gunned down.

El Toro.

I pay you a lot of money,

and you have failed me again.

Next time I see the Ghost

and that DEA b*tch...

I'm gonna kill 'em myself.

- Thank you.

- De nada.

Ah.

Let's get a move on, cupcake.

From my private collection.

Listen, I know you don't need the luck.

But I will say break a leg.

The president's leg.

Then, his other leg.

And then, carefully but painfully,

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