The Truth About Lies Page #2

- Now?

No, not now, but next Wednesday.

Does that work? Of course, now.

God, you stink like a thousand ashtrays.

Yeah, well, fire tends

to-to have that effect.

God, Sharon, you know,

I-I imagined you'd be a

little more sympathetic.

You know, something

like, "Oh, my God, Gilby!"

Or, "Are you all right?

Your apartment burned down?"

I don't know. Throw your

arms around me or somethin'.

Uh, why do you keep bringing boxes?

You can't stay here.

What? What the hell are

you talking about, Sharon?

You're my girlfriend.

Well... I was.

What the hell does that mean?

Well, we broke up.

We... W-what? When?

I was gonna tell you tomorrow.

You were gonna tell me tom... Are...

Did you, like, bang your head or something?

A-are you-are

you-are you on your...

Is it your period?

Am I... Oh, wow.

Um, no, Gilby, I'm not on my period,

but I am seeing someone else.

Already? I mean, isn't

that a little premature?

I thought we were breaking up tomorrow.

Well, he's on his way,

and so you need to leave.

I-I have nowhere to go.

I-I just lost my job,

and then my apartment burns down,

and n-now you're gonna dump me?

Right now? I mean, I...

Can I at least shower before

I begin my life on the street?

No. You can't take a shower here,

and you're not gonna be homeless.

Stop piling on like that.

It's bad for your confidence.

I'm con-I'm confident that you're insane!

Okay, you know what?

I have made my feelings very clear.

I am not gonna let you

give me some guilt trip.

Guilt trip? You're dumping

me after I've lost everything.

That's a fact trip.

Okay, this? Not gonna work.

You're gonna have to go.

You had to pick today

to become a sociopath?

Great, great.

He's here. Great.

You are my landlord's cousin,

and you came to the wrong apartment.

You want me to lie for you? You nuts?

You are nuts! Get out of my apartment!

- Hey, baby.

- Hi. You're early.

I just couldn't wait any longer to see you.

- Mmm.

- Come here.

Hi.

- Um...

- I'm sorry.

- I... This is...

- I, uh, didn't realize you, uh, had company.

I don't, actually.

Hi, I'm Gilby.

Calvin.

Calvin. Hi, Calvin. Did...

Sharon, did you not tell

your friend about me?

No, no, I don't think so.

Did you tell me about Gilby?

- No, why would I?

- Well, we're...

I'm Sharon's brother.

- Oh!

- Yeah.

- Great to meet you, man.

- Yeah, hey.

Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?

I-I don't know. It must

have slipped my mind.

Why didn't you tell

him about your twin bro?

Twins? Ha! Twins.

Yeah, you know, now that you mention it,

- you guys do look alike.

- You see it.

- I see it. Yeah.

- I don't think so.

- People say that!

- No one says that.

- It's kind of a thing.

- It's not a thing.

Do you guys, like, uh,

read each other's minds?

Sometimes.

Ooh!

- No.

- No, no.

But we are closer than you can imagine.

- Oh, I'm sure.

- You know what? That's completely true

because we share the same taste in men.

- So, you're, uh...

- Is, uh, is that right?

Gay as the day is long.

- Loves penis.

- Okay.

- Loves penis, this one.

- Okay.

Hey, what's with all the-the

boxes going around here?

Are you, uh, redecorating

your place or something?

Yes, yes, exactly.

You know, us gays just love to redecorate.

- Looks good.

- When we're not loving penis so much.

Which you do. Mm-hmm.

All the time.

Yeah, we're loving hanging new drapes.

- I know. I know.

- This guy is funny.

This guy, this-this guy,

you-you picked a real winner.

God, you guys are getting along so well.

I hate to break it up,

but Gilby is late for his date with a man.

- So, you should go.

- Oh, you know what?

I-I didn't tell you.

I changed those plans.

'Cause I was just feeling a little tired,

so I just wanna kick back and relax.

- I'm just gonna stay here.

- Here? Alone?

I don't think so. No, not by yourself.

Then it's cool if I tag along with you two?

No!

No.

- No, but you should stay here.

- So, just stay.

Whatever you want, sis. Just stay? Okay.

You know what? I'm gonna get my jacket...

- for our date.

- Yeah, all right, then.

So, you can...

- Stay.

- Stay here.

- Stay here.

- I guess.

- Hey, a little advice about my sister.

- Oh, yeah, give it to me.

Yeah, so, no matter

how aggressive she gets,

just play hard to get.

Don't fall for it. It's all a test.

Like, don't even kiss her. She'll love it.

She'll go nuts. Yeah, yeah.

- Okay, thanks. Thanks for the tip.

- No problem. Yeah.

- Gilby!

- Help a guy out. Yeah?

Think you could come help

me pick out a jacket, bro?

You know it, sister.

- Okay. Don't do anything.

- Nothin'. Okay, cool.

I want you outta here by the time I'm back.

- You don't mean that.

- Yes, I do.

I want you and your stinking boxes

out of my apartment because

we're finished, Gilby.

Got it?

Huh.

It's...

Hey...

Get the hell outta my bedroom.

I have a huge surprise for you.

- You do? I have a huge surprise.

- No, wait, you go first.

- Can I? I can-I can go first.

- Yes, go, go.

I think I finally found something

we're both gonna love.

I'm all ears.

I don't think you're ready for this.

I-I may need a sip of water. All right.

A tantric retreat.

- Hmm!

- Right?

- Right?

- Right.

Um, like the thing...

Uh, that's a group thing,

though, right?

Mmm, it's a sex thing.

- Well, um...

- I mean, come on.

It's a lot of sex with

me. Or... No, with me.

Um...

Come on. It's gonna...

It'll help our sex life.

That part I'm in on.

If it's the sex with you

and me helping the-the...

Our sex life thing, then yes.

- Really?

- I'm in.

You're not gonna take it back?

- You're really in?

- I'm totally in.

- Babe!

- Put it in the books. We're going.

Do you realize how happy I am?

- That makes me so happy. Cheers.

- Okay. Cheers.

It's not a competition of surprises,

but if it were, mine would win.

- Okay. All right, I'm ready.

- Are you ready? Yeah.

How would you like to

spend three weeks in Paris?

Are you serious?

I'm serious.

- Paris? Yes, please!

- Yes, yes.

- Are you kidding me? When?

- Only a-only a lunatic would say, "no."

We leave on the 15th.

Okay.

All right, but the retreat is on the 18th.

- So, do you... Can we...

- Oh, grr, what do I do?

Do I roll around in the

grass with crazy people,

or do I go to Paris? Grr.

We can push it back a little bit, right?

No, no, I can't, I can't.

I got work in Paris.

I gotta be there for the 15th.

Oh, right, okay.

- This is a business trip.

- Well, no, I-I...

Was that your surprise?

Do you not remember

what happened last time?

I was by myself the whole time. You...

- I never even saw you.

- You were at the museum. Took all those great pictures.

- We had a great time.

- Oh, which was wonderful.

It's always about work with you.

I'm...

Work comes before me, before us,

before everything in your life.

Fine. Don't go.

Can we get the check, miss?

Yeah, we're gonna take this to go.

Really?

You win.

Great.

Do you wanna come in?

Mmm.

What's wrong?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes