The Tuxedo Page #2

tell me a little about him?

Well, in simplest terms,

he drowned in his bathtub.

Contusion here suggests

he hit his head

fell prone, unconscious.

The man infiltrated

a Serbian death squad

with not even a scratch.

He goes down in a bathtub?

Life's a b*tch.

You want to put him

back in the fridge?

WOMAN:

He didn't drown, sir.

He was murdered.

Does that make life

a little less bitchy?

And-and you would be?

That's Del Blaine, sir.

She's having a filter installed

between her brain and mouth

next week.

So you don't think he drowned?

Well, sir, there was water

in his lungs

but the pulmonary vein

was filled with

collapsed platelets

indicative of dehydration.

He died of thirst.

Thirst.

And it wasn't just

city tap water.

The mineral profile fit

a high-end bottled water

but what was really weird

is that

it contained a strain

of bacteria that I, so far

haven't been able to culture.

Anyway, uh... didn't

mean to interrupt.

Ooh, the woman seems to know

a lot about water.

Yeah. She thinks she knows

a lot about a lot of things.

You know, we have a special

situation in the field.

I think we could use

your talents.

You interested?

When do I start?

You ever hear of Clark Devlin?

Rumors and innuendo.

Del, I could tell you

a thing or two

about Clark Devlin.

Uh, you think we

could keep our minds

out of the gutter

for about a second?

Meet me upstairs

in an hour.

CHALMERS:

You might just become

Clark Devlin's next partner.

DEVLIN:

I'm going to need

that Gerris marginalis

as soon as possible.

WOMAN:

Yes. My contacts in Guatemala

have what you're looking for,

I'm sure.

Good.

And, meanwhile...

I'll take one of these

beautiful Uticella marginalis.

Just gorgeous.

(quiet chuckle)

Now, you're going to call me?

Is your phone number on file?

I'm having a bit of trouble

with the phones at the moment.

It might be better

if you dropped it off yourself.

It may take a while.

Well, why don't you

familiarize yourself

with the route?

There's a little gathering

at my house tonight...

a fund-raiser for

the Natural History Museum.

I would so love to have you.

(mouthing)

Should I send a car?

I drive myself.

Admirable.

Eight o'clock.

And, uh, be sure

not to wear anything

too distracting, or no one

will get their checkbooks out.

How did you learn

to be so smooth?

I've seen the way you drive.

You have

the same instincts I do.

You lack confidence.

The girl in the art gallery's

not beyond you, you know.

You know about her?

Every time we leave the house

we go by the art gallery

and slow down.

You just need a little polish.

(deep voice):

I'll never be a Clark Devlin.

Don't tell anyone this, Jimmy,

but there's a lot less

to Clark Devlin

than meets the eye.

I've got a couple of good lines

and a couple of

very expensive suits.

Apart from that,

we're exactly the same.

How about

a couple hundred million?

Trust me...

The other ten percent?

The other ten percent's

in there.

You've got plenty of it.

Oh, Mr. Devlin,

can I ask you a big favor?

Yeah?

Can I stop wearing my hat?

All right.

Thank you.

No, just stay smooth.

Remember... smooth.

Thank you.

Steena, Devlin.

This driver, this Jimmy,

I like him.

Let's get him a proper suit.

Something sexy. You pick it out.

All right.

Always a delight

talking to you, too, darling.

(phone beeps off)

Home, James.

Absolutely, Mr. Devlin.

(Argentine tango music plays)

(tango ends)

Oh!

Oops.

Watch your step.

Thank you, sir.

(Jimmy humming)

(continues humming)

(humming stops)

Oh...

This definitely not a rental.

Hello.

My name's Clark Devlin.

Would you like to dance?

Would you like to dance?

(chuckles)

Admirable.

There is just one rule.

(gasps)

Never touch my tuxedo.

I didn't.

Good.

Don't.

Yes, sir.

Jimmy.

Get the car.

Let's go for dinner.

Yes, sir.

# #

What'll you have? It's my treat.

Anything.

All right.

Two Whoppers,

hold the onion, extra ketchup.

Toast the bottom bun only,

medium well-done.

Two large fries,

extra well-done.

Two chocolate milkshakes,

however the chef likes.

That's it.

Your order's ready.

Pull forward.

That's pretty quick.

It's fast food. Anything else?

DEVLIN:

Yeah.

I'll have a personal pizza,

crispy crust.

He doesn't eat out much.

They don't serve pizza

at Burger...

New item, huh?

Do you have chicken chow mein?

Thank you.

- Jimmy?

- Yes?

It's a drive-through.

Let's drive.

Watch out!

(tires squeal)

(beeping)

Watch it, man!

Sorry, pal.

Let's go.

# #

JIMMY:

Why are we running away

from a skateboard?

I think it's probably a bomb.

(chuckles)

I thought you said a bomb.

What do you mean, a bomb?

(horns honking)

(horns honking)

(tires squealing)

(tires squeal)

(tires squealing)

(horn honks)

(honking)

(screeching)

No good. Out!

Mr. Dev...

Move!

(beeping rapidly)

(glass shattering)

(flames crackling)

Jimmy, you okay?

I'm fine.

You okay, boss?

Yeah.

Yeah, all in a day's work, eh?

Look.

Oh, damn.

Mr. Devlin.

You got any aspirin?

Who did this to you?

Water stri...

Walter Strider... he's the one?

Wat... er... stri...

Walter... Walter Strider.

(dialing cell phone)

No... no police.

Okay. Uh...

I need an ambulance right now.

His name is...

Trust nobody.

Uh... his name is...

Brad Dillford.

Wear it.

Wear...

Boss! Boss!

(sirens approaching)

(bell dings)

Hold on, boss. You'll be fine.

Give me the clipboard.

I'll take care of you.

Wa...

stri...

- Huh?

- Sir!

Oh!

Please wait in the waiting room.

Okay.

I will find Walter Strider.

Hey! Hey!

Huh? I'm sorry.

I promise.

(speaking Chinese)

MAN:

What do you want

my mother's maiden name for?

Last time she was

in here, I was born.

I'm sure my dad had something

to do with it

at least I hope so.

WOMAN (singsongy):

Dr. Angela.

Where is Dr. Angelo?

Dr. Angelo.

Are you Dr. Angela?

Dr. Angela.

Dr. Ang... ela.

Hey!

There's no smoking

in a hospital.

I was nervous. How is he?

He might be here a while.

You might want to get him

some things from home

in case he comes to.

Oh.

He had this clutched

in his hand.

I don't know

if it means anything.

WOMAN (on P.A.):

Orderly with wheels

to the front desk.

I do need Dr. Angelo.

Dr. Angelo.

Dr. Angelo is on holiday today.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah.

(seagulls calling)

BANNING, INC.,

FLOATING HEADQUARTERS

MAN:

I'll tell you,

I'm pretty excited.

I mean, nervous,

but I'm excited.

I'm pumped, you know.

I knew I was doing good work

for Banning International

but I didn't know Mr. Banning

would be taking so much notice

of me so soon.

I'll say this, though,

when I'm CEO of this place

I won't be having

my headquarters

in the bottom of a boat,

you know what I mean?

MAN 2:

Why did you choose Mr. Lundeen?

He questioned

my growth projections.

(clanking)

No, that's not it.

I don't like his hair.

Mr. Banning.

So, word filtered

down to me

that you don't share my optimism

about our company's future.

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