The Urn-- An Eddie Hoar & Serwood Doller Caper Page #2

ACT 3

INT. KITCHEN OF A SMALL, DUMPY STUDIO APARTMENT ON OCEAN BOULEVARD - DAY

Eddie and Derwood are seated on plastic-covered chairs around a formica table. Eddie also has a rubber donut under his ass. He has on grayish BVDs that bag around his scrawny,pale thighs. His arms and legs are covered with gauze and tape. Derwood only has a few small bandages here and there on his body.

Derwood points at the donut under Eddie’s ass and smirks. Eddie scowls.

DERWOOD:

You outta be happy, Eddie. The

doc said if that mutt took a bigger piece of your ass, you woulda needed a new one.

Eddie shifts in his seat and grimaces.

EDDIE:

Very funny. You and that quack up

at Exeter Hospital are regular comedians...not! If youda let me out that window first, like I told you to, none of this woulda happened to me.

DERWOOD:

But then it woulda happened to me,

Eddie. I’d be sittin’ on that whatchamacallit. It was all your fault, after all. Always is. You and your crackpot ideas.

EDDIE:

My fault? How was I supposed to

know she had Cujo for a pet?

DERWOOD:

I just thought of somethin’. You

didn’t know that plumber before you met him in the bar, did ya?

EDDIE:

How do I know? I’ve met almost

everyone on the beach at one time or another. I’m well known around here.

8.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

DERWOOD Yeah...a well known ripoff.

You’ve burned almost everyone on the beach. Did you owe this plumber any money?

EDDIE:

Maybe a little from a long time

ago and I musta paid him back.

DERWOOD:

Sure you did. Just like you have

everyone else you’ve owed money to around here. That’s why we can barely show our faces on the beach without getting our asses kicked. And now I get it! That plumber knew about the dog. He set you up! I mean...us up.

EDDIE:

Stop bellyaching, will ya? It

coulda been worse. You coulda gotten busted.

As if on cue,There is a loud banging at the door and both men look towards it.

VO (LOUDLY) Hampton Police. Open up now,

Hoar! We know you’re in there.

DERWOOD:

Wow, Eddie, there’s one thing

you’re sure good at.

EDDIE What’s that?

DERWOOD:

Gettin’ us into a jackpot. Every

time you get us screwed. You’re the best at that. Battin’ a thousand.

EDDIE F*** you, Dumwood.

Derwood hollers and comes across the table, his hands going for Eddie’s neck. Eddie howls just as the door crashes open and a few of Hampton Beach’s finest storm into the room.

FADE OUT:

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