The Virginian Page #3

our new school teacher.

Well, well, I...

Really, I'm glad to meet you Miss Wood.

Hey, Steve, where'd you rustle the cake?

Me for them there sweets!

In case it's any interest to you...

..the most elegant lady of this outfit

promised me the pleasure of seeing

her home to her cabin.

You don't tell me!

Now ain't that just fine!

You know, Steve. There ain't nobody

I'd rather see beat my time than you.

You know more than a

half-breed bandit!

Or a speckled-trout!

You better leave that door open,

it's kind of stuffy in there!

Now boys be careful. Don't make no noise

or you'll wake them up!

What do they got corralled

in there anyhow?

Babies, aren't they?

Never saw so many mavericks in my life!

Them's the kids.

Some of them are waiting

to be christened.

One, two, three...

...four, five...

...six, seven, eight, nine, ten...

...eleven beautiful sleeping angels!

It'd be funny if they got mixed up, and

some of them were christened wrong!

You ornery, low-down horse thief!

I only said it would be funny!

Let's get busy before

the parson goes to work!

This must be that Jasper brat.

Looks like he has the itch!

Wonder what these little varmints

think about all day long?

Not a gol-darned thing!

Getting mighty swampy around this bed!

Come on, young fellow!

This is apt to change your whole life!

Now sleep peaceful, you little maverick!

Stop playing now boys!

Listen, folks!

It's getting late. Some of you women

have to drive all night to get home.

So let's christen the babies now!

This country sure is getting fancy!

Christening babies!

Importing shool-marms!

Pretty soon they'll be putting

soda pop in the liquor!

- That's when I'll be getting out!

- Me too!

Step in here folks if you want to see

the ceremony!

Here's the christening water, Parson.

It's perfectly clean!

- Been boiled a strained through

a new sock! - Fine!

Towel, please.

- Name the child.

- Charles Augustus Jafrey.

- Charles Augustus, I christen thee...

- Wait a minute!

That ain't Charles Augustus!

That's one of Uncle Hughey's brats!

What? Here!

Come to your Pa, Leonidas!

- He's Charles Augutus!

- Charles Augutus nothing!

- But I've just christened him!

- Then un-christen him!

Un-christen this child or you'll not

get another nickel out of me!

Folks! Someone has mixed these kids

and we can't tell which is what!

That's my son in a blanket

I've never seen before!

That's my baby!

Parson, something's got to be

done about this.

A most distressing and reprehensible

occurrence!

Reprehensible? I call it plain mangy!

It'll be bad if they find out it was us!

- Some ornery pole-cat done this!

- Well, who was it?

- I'll brand the critter that did this!

- He ought to be strung up!

Don't worry, Steve.

They ain't gonna find out we done it.

No, sir. We ain't left no clue.

The fun's all over. I'm gonna be leaving

before something does happen!

What's that on Steve's pants?

Land Sakes! That's my baby's cap!

He's the pole-cat that did it!

Go get him!

I'm sorry ma'am about

what happened to Steve.

Now that Steve's gone,

can I see you home?

I saw you plant that cap on Steve!

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

- Treating those poor babies that way!

- Well, you see I heard...

...some of them were female, so I had

them introduced all around!

I think your conduct is disgraceful!

I suppose you're proud of yourself,

playing a trick on those poor mothers!

I suppose you call yourself a

grown-up, responsible man!

You act like a child!

Is that all you have to say for yourself?

I don't think you're a bit funny!

Now that's the right pitch.

You were way off-key last time.

Now, all together...

You're the one that's wrong.

Now, let's hear you by yourself.

Alright, and you...

That's better. All together now,

and don't forget where you come in.

I told you I'd go riding with you

after school!

I was just helping so you'd

get finished quicker!

I'm afraid that herd of yours

is about to stampede!

Sounds like it!

I'll go see what I can do!

That's enough!

That's enough!

Because you learned that song splendidly,

I'm letting go 10 minutes early!

School's dismissed!

- I've got a surprise for you today.

- What is it?

A new horse!

- Is he gentle?

- Yes, I broke him myself.

And he gave me more

trouble than you did!

- I'll change into my riding clothes.

- Don't go...

...do me a favor, and go

just as you are.

I'm sure the host won't mind,

and I sure like that dress!

Alright.

What is her name?

What are you laughing about now?

Her name is Sir Henry,

but I call him "Hank" for short.

You haven't told me about the book I

lent you, did you finish it?

That "Romeo and Juliette"?

Yes, ma'am, I finished it!

Don't tell me you didn't like it!

Well...

I ain't read any poetry before.

Soon it'll be as easy as reading

the patent medicine catalog.

Didn't you like the story?

They raised a strange breed of men

in those days.

Romeo was a pretty good hombre.

Indeed! Just a pretty good hombre.

He had his enemies and he killed them.

He wasn't a coward,

and he was quick on the draw.

- You approve of killing your enemies?

- An eye for an eye?

- Not if there's another way out.

But them enemies were ornery.

They had it coming to them!

What else?

What didn't you like about Romeo?

- I didn't like him in that balcony scene!

- The balcony scene?

That's the most famous scene

in the play!

Maybe so, but not for me. What's the

idea traipsing up that rope and ladder?

He wanted to talk to her!

Why didn't he go in through

the front door?

Don't you understand?

Their families were enemies!

Exactly so!

Traipsing up a ladder, that ain't

my idea of a real man!

What would you do? Go in and

kill her father? That would be nice.

No, I wouldn't have killed him.

But I would have a showdown with him!

If he was too stubborn

to call off that feud,

I would have grabbed Juliet off that

balcony and married her!

That's just what he was planning to do!

Well, what was he fooling around about?

He loved Juliet.

She fell in love right back at him.

Why didn't he get to going?

Men in those days realized how much

women loved the gallantry of courtship.

Yes, I know. He couldn't resist

playing actor on that balcony.

Wasted so much valuable time, it got

them both killed. If I loved a gal...

...and wanted her,

and knew I could take care of her...

Not in the words of Romeo,

but in the feeling inside...

Do you think I'd let that

gulf stand between us?

Messing around with rope ladders,

making up poetry?

No, you're hardly a Romeo.

What would you do?

Molly...

I'll show you what I'd do.

You're just as sure of yourself

as ever, aren't you?

Molly, don't play act with me.

We don't fool each other.

We ain't on no balcony!

Don't you think the Spring is the

prettiest time to get married?

But I don't want to get married yet!

I've got my school,

and I'm just getting started!

That ain't no real woman's job in life.

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