The Walking Deceased Page #8

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You're very hot, too.

Wanted to tell you that for a while.

You're a super b*tch,

but you're also super hot.

We got company. Spray lead.

What the hell are you doing?

They're better.

Damn, girl.

Let me holler at you for a sec.

You make those healing legs

look hella good.

Yeah. I swear, Green Bay,

if you cock-block me right now, I will...

My man. "Penthouse"? "Playboy"?

"Maxim"? Swimsuit edition?

Freaking L.L. Bean? What?

- God bless, you are desperate. No.

- God damn!

Yeah, the Reaganites had a huge porn stash

in their bedside table. Come on, dude.

I jacked one of Isaac's

birth-control pills,

antifungal cream for whatever

disgusting zombie STD she's carrying,

and a pocket bible for when you realize

just how badly you need Jesus.

And there's a Coldwater Creek

from, like, 1972 in the bathroom

if you really have to go that far.

- You brought me birth control, kid?

- I got you.

Love you, bro.

All right. Now why don't you show me

where you got bit?

I think I might be married.

I only run from the words

"I think I might be..."

that's followed by the word "pregnant."

Now let's get that blood flowing.

Don't be afraid to make

the first move, son.

And I know you're beyond your years,

but you're still a kid,

so go ahead and give her a kiss.

- I love you, Chris.

- Love you too, Pops.

- Sorry for almost killing you and...

- It's okay.

- ...killing Mom.

- Well, she was a b*tch.

- I'm gonna have some issues.

- Yes, you will. Yes, you will.

What'd you do to your hair?

There you are, sweetie.

Oh, give me a hug.

- Good to see you, too.

- Oh, my sweet girl.

- I love you, Mom.

- Love you, too, honey.

- Let's go to my room.

- To the barn?

No. Haven't you heard?

I moved back in with my parents.

- So embarrassing.

- Hey, just blame it on the economy.

- That's what I do every single time.

- Come on.

- We have to get this off. Come on.

- It's still bloody. It's still...

Are you okay?

Good God!

- Kiss me!

- You smell so terrible!

So do you. Let's do this.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God...

- Wait.

- What? No. What? Wait?

Hope you didn't have any plans

for Memorial Day.

NASA has just announced

that an asteroid the size of Texas

is on a direct path to Earth.

The end of the world is here again.

Sh*t!

On the bright side, till that happens,

we got nothing but commercial-free

music lined up,

and Justin Bieber

kicking it all off next!

Yes, I do. I'm doing it for you.

Well, lucky enough for me, he's about

as good a shot as Helen Keller,

her being blind and all. No.

Her being a woman and all. I'm sorry.

I started compiling zombie... Stop it!

God!

I'm so sorry.

- So your parents found out...

- Yeah.

So your pounts found...

- Man...

- Hold on. Sorry! Emily was in.

Emily, can you clear the shot?

- My place is in the kitchen.

- We're more than helpy to happ out.

Damn! Too good. Ready?

- Why isn't the ice working?

- It's the left one.

No, I did it.

- And print it.

- Sh*t.

You know, I was gonna throw this

little piece of sh*t away, but...

Piece of sh*t away, but...

Clever a**holes.

- F***! Jeez, guy.

- Cut!

- Sheriff.

- Sheriff.

Goddamn zombies on bicycles.

And...

Line.

By the way, that was Hank's fault.

Do you guys live near an airstrip?

Sorry. I wish we'd just cut

this crap off.

Hold it up.

You guys see that plane?

Could be a zombie plane attack!

I just killed a zombie

that was about to...

I just killed a zombie

that was about to bout your...

Sucks for your girlfriend.

We're losing our humanity here!

Let's take a pa... I got you, dog.

Let's take a page from Romeo's...

Let's take a page...

Be quiet now. Be quiet.

They probably s-smell your stew,

and it's giving them

the munchies or something.

- Sorry.

- Let's take that again. That's okay.

Okay.

- I cleaned up a mess once.

- I'll make a mess on your face.

- She'll clean it up.

- Very handy that way.

Sounds like we should have went

to the airport instead of this farm.

That is a...

They got flights going out all the time.

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