The Wash Page #5

for attempted leather!

You know what?|This don't make no kind of sense.

I know I counted at least 1 00 cars|before I checked the tickets.

Send Sean in|as soon as he gets here.

Must think I'm crazy.

Trying to make a decent dollar|around here.

So I take the b*tch over|and I do my thing.

You know it is.|When I get home--

- How you all doin'?|- Like I said, when I get home,

there's another b*tch|waiting on the nigga,

so I got to f***|two ho's in one night...

Mr. Wash want to see you.

Thanks.|And how are you this morning?

( music playing on TV )

Washington:
Die, you mother!|Oh sh*t!

- Got your monkey ass!|- ( knocking on door )

- Who is it?|- It's me, Sean, Mr. Wash.

- Come on in.|- ( gunshots )

Die! Damn!

Damn near had a high score|on that one.

Go ahead and have a seat.

Yes, sir.

Now, today's topic is...

sales.

Case in point...

Yesterday, I know I saw two to three|hundred cars come through here.

But my bottom line|ain't reflecting that.

So what does that tell me?

- You're laying me off?|- Tells me,

- I need to work on my showmanship.|- Yeah, right... showmanship.

Something to pick up the business|around, keep the business in here.

Keep people|hanging around.

You know, showmanship.

Umm, showmanship.

Yeah.

What if--

- Naw, naw, that's crazy.|- No, no, say it, son.

- Say what's on your mind.|- Well...

I was thinking...

What if we had a bikini wash?

A bikini wash?

Like those Budweiser girls|they put in boxing rings.

- What they gonna do?|- We dress them up in bikinis,

have them vacuuming|and washing cars.

Mmmm.

Mmmhh.

- Yeah.|- Yeah.

- I can see it now. Yeah.|- ( phone ringing )

- Yeah, oh...|- ( phone continues ringing )

- Mr. Washington.|- Mmmhh.

Mr. Wash.

- The phone?|- Oh yeah.

- Hello?|- Do you want to f*** with me?!

Watch your back, a**hole.|Payback's a motherf***er!

Is everything all right?

Oh yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

- Can you get them to start today?|- Who?

- The girls, son!|- Oh, the girls...

I can get a couple up here,|for starters.

To see how it works out.|Just a test run.

To see how you like it.|And that way...

you don't have to|pay the full minimum wage.

There you go.

I knew there was something|I liked about you.

Already saving me money.|Up in here.

Up in here.

Go on, boy.

( chuckling )

Oh, okay.|I'll go handle that.

I'm on it.

He ain't half bad after all.

I think he's gonna work out.

Dee:
Can you believe this sh*t?

If Mr. Wash fell for this,|he'll go for anything.

Jimmy:
I ain't mad at him|for tryin'.

Look at you, man.|Get off his nuts!

Whether I'm on|his nuts or not,

he put a smile on my face.|I love white b*tches.

They should have let me|hook this sh*t up.

You know how I'd do...

( hip hop beat )

Y'all don't know me at all

I say the same thing|but slower than y'all

A little Southern charm|to top it off

- Okey-dokey,|spit, boy

Y'all don't know me at all

I say the same thing|but slower than y'all

A little Southern charm|to top it off

Okey-dokey...

Y'all don't know me at all

I say the same thing|but slower than y'all

A little Southern charm|to top it off

Okey-dokey.

Hey, motherf***er!

I can't swim!|I can't swim!

- Cool off, man!|- Yeah, I did it!

Y'all can|help me wash the cars!

I'm gonna f***|your big ass up one day

for f***ing with|grown folks, nigga!

This black-on-black violence|has got to stop!

Shut the f*** up!

Cuz, this is one|of them 31 0 wimps.

( chuckling )

Hell, yes.

Computerized voice:|Number, please.

Oh, sh*t.

- Five.|- ( dialing )

- Five.|- ( dialing )

- Five.|- ( dialing )

- Three.|- ( dialing )

- Seven.|- ( dialing )

- Five.|- ( dialing )

- Fo'.|- Voice:
Again.

Fo'.

Voice:
Again.

( slow hip hop rhythm )

Like a Cadillac Humvee

Took you everywhere...

One of the baddest|I've seen

I've come to think|baby girl's with me

She was, like,|watching my team

That was her thing

She was my girl...

( alarm remote beeps )

Ain't gonna let nobody|come between her and me

She was my heart

She's my life

She's my girl

I'm so addicted to

Her love

She's my need

I'm her thing

She's my girl

I'm so addicted to

Her love

She was like ice|on my wrist

No matter what the time,|my baby girl was shining...

- Fo'.|- Voice:
Again.

I see you locked yourself out.

I see you're very observant.

Especially when a lady as fine|as yourself is in my presence.

Look at the boss man|over there.

He ain't supposed to be|fraternizing with the customers.

You been f***in' in the bathroom,|I know you ain't talkin'.

- Fo'!|- Voice:
Again, fool!

Recording:
We're sorry--

This sh*t ain't for no real.

- So what's your name?|- My name is Michelle.

What's yours?

Sean.

Should go sweat his ass,|like he'd be sweating all of us.

- There you go, Michelle.|- Hey, that was fast.

I'd have thought|you worked here.

Girl, you crazy.

It ain't my fault.|Your machine ate the tape up.

So, why ain't your man|washing your pretty car for you?

I'm single at the moment.

Plus I'm in school,|so you know...

I don't have time|to keep up with no man.

- What about you?|- What about what?

- Are you seeing anyone?|- Naw...

How about I take all that?|Now what's up, player?

I don't need to see|that tape no more.

- You can't do that.|- Back off!

After work,|I don't have much time.

I know what you mean.

- Last time, leave me alone!|- Come back!

- So what do you do?|- ( arguing continues )

- Listen.|- Don't you touch me.

What do I do?

Yeah, what kind of work|are you in?

You know what?|Can you excuse me one minute?

Sure.

Employee:
You f***ed the tape up|with the screwdriver.

I don't sell defective sh*t.

Customer:
You sold me|a cassette with a crooked cover,

and Puffy got two F's in it.|It only had one!

Whoa, whoa... hold up.|Take that sh*t off the line.

These people have a lot|going on around here.

But you're so helpful.

They might as well|put you on payroll.

You gotjokes, huh?

Naw, I'm cool with the job|I'm at now.

And what do you do again?

I sell insurance.

Hey, whatever|pays the rent, right?

Right.

So... anyway...

I got to get|back to work and...

looks like your truck|is ready.

Where's your car?

It's getting detailed,|so it's probably gonna take a minute.

But, uh... would I be doing too much|if I asked for your number?

- I guess that would be okay.|- All right.

- I'll give you a call, all right?|- All right.

- All right, now.|- Bye.

Yeah.

Dee:
So it's cool for you to bust|a b*tch on the job, huh, boss?

Man, get your ass|back to work.

F*** this sh*t, b*tch.|House nigga.

( honking )

Get up off of me.|Trying to be cool and stuff.

My bad, dog.

Hey, excuse me,|but you're blocking my entrance,

and my customers|can't get in and out, so...

- y'all have to move.|- You better raise up, fool.

Whoa! It's cool.|Y'all do your thing.

Thug #2:
Hit that sh*t, nigga!|Hit that sh*t!

Thug #1 :
Hey, man,|make the call.

Mr. Wash!

Man on phone:
I guess|your flunky came in

to tell you|about your problem.

- What problem?|- The problem you gonna have

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