The Weather Man Page #4

and firing.

Let's pause a little longer.

What?

Nothing.

- Are you just not interested?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you're not interested?

Or, yeah, you are interested?

Yeah, I'm not. Really.

What was it you liked?

Let's think of it that way.

What?

What interested you

when you thought about archery?

When you wanted to do it.

I don't know.

Going hunting or something.

Hunting?

Yeah.

- For animals?

- Yeah.

You wanna shoot animals with arrows?

- Yeah.

- You do?

Yeah, to kill them.

But that's not archery. That's hunting.

That's called bowhunting.

That's what you wanted to do?

- Bowhunting?

- Yeah, I saw it on TV.

Well, I don't really wanna kill animals

with arrows...

so that's not going to happen.

We can target shoot, Shelly.

- It's not fun.

- It's a lot of fun.

- You have to apply yourself.

- Targets don't move.

Well, you know, Shelly...

you haven't really hit one yet.

You should support me.

I do support you. I support.

All right, forget it. Take your bracer off.

- We're not shooting anymore.

- Okay.

There's a chance

I might be going to New York.

A small chance.

You think you'd like to come,

maybe, if I go?

Yeah.

We could maybe go with Poppop.

- He's got some tests.

- Yeah.

Hey.

Hey, Mike.

You don't look real good, Dad.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

- What are you doing out here?

- Just sitting here.

Sometimes I just sit here

and look at the house.

- You park here sometimes?

- Yeah. Sometimes.

I just like to see you guys.

I see you playing guitar up there.

Okay.

- Sounds good.

- Thanks.

- You know, Poppop...

- Yeah.

...he's sick.

- Mom said.

I was thinking about that, too.

Why do you have a bow and arrow

in there?

I was just out with Shelly.

I'm not playing favorites.

I just think we need to be together

for a while.

Yeah, that's okay.

- How's your program going?

- Great.

You're gonna get that camera

if you keep it up!

Look at this house.

Someone should be happy here.

How did I f*** this up?

Seriously.

What if I remembered the tartar sauce?

Would things be different?

Would Robert die

not thinking I'm a jerk-off...

jerk-f***?

Don't forget the tartar sauce.

Just call the order in, Noreen...

and quit busting

my you-know-what, okay?

You always half-listen

to what I'm saying to you!

I heard you. Tartar sauce.

Tartar sauce. Tartar sauce.

Tartar sauce.

Tartar sauce, tartar sauce,

tartar sauce, tartar sauce.

Man, how I'd like

to put my face in there.

Right in there. Tartar sauce.

My hips are cold. Tartar sauce.

That's when you know it's cold.

I like eating p*ssy. Tartar sauce.

A lot of guys don't.

Well, maybe they do.

Maybe that's just black guys.

Tartar sauce.

What happened to the guy

who was trying to go around the world...

in a balloon? Did he make it?

I should put some espionage...

or stolen plutonium in my novel.

Tartar sauce.

Spice it up. Neil Young. F***, it's cold!

Neil Young?

Why am I thinking about Neil Young?

Neil Diamond. Neil.

There's not a lot of famous Neils.

Is this Wednesday?

I wish I had two d*cks.

I thought the whole family was going

to learn Spanish together this year.

That never really happened.

I haven't had a Spanish omelet

in a long time.

I haven't had a Spanish omelet

in a long time.

Here we go.

Anything else?

No.

Where is the tartar sauce?

They were out. They apologized.

- They were cool about it.

- They were out?

- They were out.

- They were out of tartar sauce?

I'm calling them.

F***, Noreen.

It's not about the tartar sauce.

It's about you. You don't care!

I don't care about tartar sauce!

I'm trying to make a living for this family.

I've got work things to think about

and pressure.

Tartar sauce?

F***, Noreen, are you serious?

You are so selfish!

I would do anything for you...

- Everything you say is right.

...as if we're not happy.

- I'm trying to take care of the family.

- You come in here, looked in my face...

and you lied to me, Dave.

Do you think I'm a moron? "They're out."

We both just think it's better

for the kids.

David, sacrifice is...

To get anything of value,

you have to sacrifice.

I know that, Dad. But I think

if we continue down this road...

it's going to be too detrimental

for the kids.

It's just too hard.

Do you know that the harder thing to do

and the right thing to do...

are usually the same thing?

Nothing that has meaning is easy.

Easy doesn't enter into grown-up life.

I'm not comfortable

with an 18-degree variance.

- Why even forecast?

- It's a technical art...

not a science. People get that.

- Let's narrow it down, Tim.

- Dave, it's random.

We do our best.

A day can have that variance.

- Dave, phone call.

- Tell him to take a message.

It's Hello America.

Can we shop here?

Sure. Where is that?

- Bendel.

- All right.

Dad?

You know what? Let's go for a walk.

Take a break.

You don't like it?

No, maybe we'll come back later.

We'll just take a break.

- So how's everything going?

- Good.

- How's school?

- Good.

- Dance school?

- Good.

You know, when I was in school...

I guess the hardest thing

was how other kids can be a little mean.

Names and stuff.

Do you ever get called names?

Like what?

I don't know, like "dummy"

if you miss a question...

or "camel toe."

Yeah. Camel toe.

Do you know why?

Why what?

Why you get called camel toe?

Yeah.

Why, hon?

Because camel toes are tough.

They can walk all over the desert

and all the hot rocks.

I'm tough.

That's right. It's because they're tough.

You ready to shop again?

I think they make car tires

out of camel toes.

Yeah, I think I heard that.

I just think you're more grown-up

than that other stuff.

I don't think I like it.

But that was sort of kid stuff.

I like this dress. It's New York style.

Let me see.

Hey.

- You like it?

- I like it. Yeah.

Do you like it?

Yeah, I think I do.

Do you feel comfortable in it?

Because, you know, that's the thing.

Yeah, it's comfy.

You look great.

You look all grown-up.

Okay, change. Let's get some more.

Really?

Sure, and then we'll go show Poppop

some of this stuff.

Poppop! Poppop!

- Check this out.

- That's nice, hon.

I know. I got a lot more, too!

Dave.

- How are you feeling?

- I'm all right.

Mike got arrested.

What?

He f***ed his drug counselor's car up.

They were on their way to a movie.

A movie?

Mike said he was trying to suck him off.

Then Mike chucked a rock

through his car's passenger window.

What is this sucking

and chucking rocks?

I mean, what is this?

What did the guy say?

He said Mike tried to jack his wallet.

What is this sucking and chucking

and jacking and f***ing-up, Son?

He's 15 years old!

What is this sh*t?

- Where is he?

- He's at home.

What is this?

F***.

Are you ready for the doctors?

Yeah.

Got you! You're dead.

I think just what he said happened,

happened.

I think the guy was trying

to make a move on him...

and Mike got surprised and scared.

Hon, will you get me a pop

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